man poops.

mrs_b_2007

does anyone else have a husband that turns taking a dump into a half hour event?

I'm talking walking out of the room & announcing loudly "It's poo time" - then heading upstairs, newspaper in hand, pulling the hamper over to the toilet & spreading the fvcking newspaper out across it. 25 fvcking minutes later, he's still up there??

you can file this under "stuff that never bothered me until we had a baby"

Le Olive

Every day. It is built into his morning routine! Like... he wakes up early to do it.

Le Olive

Oh, and he takes his shirt off for the event, like George Costanza. 

Dee1028

Mine usually waits until we are putting on our shoes to go somewhere. "Oh, gotta go poop" then stays in there for 25 minutes.

SoCaliAli

DH always ends up playing with some stupid app on his phone.  It is at least a 30 minute ordeal in our house.

ellephunt

Le Olive:

Oh, and he takes his shirt off for the event, like George Costanza. 

BAHHAHAHAHA!

bancbev

My husband is the fastest pooper ever.  It seriously takes him no longer than if he was peeing.  He also doesn't announce it, but we are not a poop announcing type of family.  I on the otherhand take longer, and like to read while I poop.  I don't take 25 minutes though...lol

 

joanithegreat

I can relate.  My DH also feels the need to announce when he is going to the bathroom.  He rubs his belly and says "Time for a stink shiit",  then he goes and gets several comic books from his collection so he has plenty of reading material.

He also always has his 30 minute bathroom sessions 15 minutes before we are supposed go somewhere.  We are late a lot.

ellephunt

Dee1028:

Mine usually waits until we are putting on our shoes to go somewhere. "Oh, gotta go poop" then stays in there for 25 minutes.

Omg MH does this it drives me insane! Literally anytime we are going somewhere we have to either stop at a gas station and I sit in the car for 20 min or I end up sitting in the driveway for 20 min. I go crazy everytime it happens!

akalutts

Mine does not, however he does find it necessary to let me know how many times he poops in a day. It's usually around 5 or 6 so it may add up to a full 25 minutes.

BallSox

Mine doesn't announce it, but sometimes I have to remind him his blood needs to circulate to his legs too. 

BostonGayGal

I am so glad I am married to a woman. This whole whole topic was pleasantly foreign to me until now.

mrs_kelly1014

OMG, yes! He also announces that "It's poo time". He'll be home from work in a few and I'm sure I'll hear these lovely words soon. haha

panda10

Ohh yes. AND my FIL has him convinced to do it at work, because he did the math and if he does his business on the job, he ends up getting paid $2,800 a year to sit on the bathroom when he would have been doing it for free. Yes. It's apparently a serious thing.  

Kate621

Yes. He even gets up early in the morning to sit in there for 30 minutes. He takes another 30 minutes when he gets home from work. Me thinks he either has severe digestive issues or he is just fvcking around in there.

Kate621

He also does something he calls a schnap (shiit + nap) but he reserves those for when he is at the office.

sourapplemartini

Yes and it drives me nuts. But if I'm in there more than a couple mIns he's at the door asking if I'm ok.

secretsout

My husband does not.  Sometimes he picks inopportune times, but he doesn't take forever.  My father, on the other hand, is the guy who, every single christmas morning, would wait until everyone was awake and downstairs and ready to open presents before he would announce he had to go, and then disappear for 30 minutes.  When you are 5, this is torture. 

mrs_b_2007

Kate621:

Me thinks he either has severe digestive issues or he is just fvcking around in there.

see, this is my thought. I would give anything right now to be able to take a crap without a) the baby in there with me or b) the baby whining/crying while I'm trying to drop off the kids. MUST BE NICE to be a guy!  

jCamsquared

Le Olive:

Oh, and he takes his shirt off for the event, like George Costanza. 

lmfao!

Mine does it when he gets home from work. Like, walks in the door and says 'man I've been looking forward to this all day.' He takes about 15 minutes, sometimes more.

memo9

Dee1028:

Mine usually waits until we are putting on our shoes to go somewhere. "Oh, gotta go poop" then stays in there for 25 minutes.

Are we married to the same guy??  I've started adding poop time onto our departure time.

horizon1322

I have thought about posting this exact same thing several times! DH especially enjoys going in DS's bathroom because it has a skylight and he likes to "poop with a view."

armandos_girl

panda10:

Ohh yes. AND my FIL has him convinced to do it at work, because he did the math and if he does his business on the job, he ends up getting paid $2,800 a year to sit on the bathroom when he would have been doing it for free. Yes. It's apparently a serious thing.  

Wait, your DH doesn't work for a construction company in San Antonio does he?  I have a CW who disappears into the bathroom for at least 30 minutes a day.

armandos_girl

mrs_b_2007:

I would give anything right now to be able to take a crap without a) the baby in there with me or b) the baby whining/crying while I'm trying to drop off the kids. MUST BE NICE to be a guy!  

Me too.  Everytime I try to poo, Isaac freaks out and I end up having to rush things.  My body is not happy with me about this.

Oh, and don't even get me started on showers.  I get maybe half a shower, if I'm lucky.

DrBeepersWife

Kate621:

Yes. He even gets up early in the morning to sit in there for 30 minutes. He takes another 30 minutes when he gets home from work. Me thinks he either has severe digestive issues or he is just fvcking around in there.

This...annoying as fvck!

Thusadeedoo

DH takes a book into the sh!tter with him. He sits and reads the book, I am convinced, far after the sh!t has left his a$s.

Thats men for you.

We are in even more trouble now that he has discovered that his Ipad can be used as a reader.