I need to vent.. Oh and get opinions...

fierynut

I am 14w6d pregnant with MY first child.  My SO has a 6 year old daughter with his ex wife.  Everytime I have something come up with this pregnancy (i.e. horrible morning sickness, etc) he always seems to have a response that involves his ex wife (i,e. when X was pregnant she didn't have any morning sickness, when X was pregnant she only gained 4lbs).  This is driving me INSANE!  I have tried to casually say things to let him know that it bothers me without being a crazy pregnant woman about it.  I even went as far as to send him this list of things to never say to a pregnant woman that someone emailed me the other day.  He isn't getting it!  So last night I snapped!  He said when X was pregnant and I cut him off and yelled I don't care if X (naughty word for BM) gold when she was pregnant!  Not my most shining moment..  I feel like a jerk for yelling at him and more so I feel like a jerk for letting this bother me so much... Am I crazy?  Would this drive you crazy??

Janimal

Yes, that would drive me crazy. 

If it's bothering you, you have to tell him.  Not mention it casually or send an email, tell him how you feel and get it straight.  Being subtle about something that is important to you rarely works.

fierynut

After I blew up we did talk about it and he now understands WHY it is upsetting to me... I feel a little better but I guess you are right and I should have been more blunt about it from the beginning. 

When we talked about it I got a little better understanding of why he does it (that is his only experience with pregnancy and the only way he knows how to "relate") and I hope that he understands now that it is driving me crazy because I am not her, I don't much care how easy her pregnancy was, and this is my first time having a pregnancy make it past 8 weeks and it is all new to me and am experiencing all of this for the first time.  I want him to be excited and experience it with me. 

Fingers crossed he doesn't say it anymore and that if he does I don't hurt him! j/k lol

Elsker

As a knee-jerk reaction, I'd be livid.

Him having a story for every situation, though, makes me think it might be his way of letting you know he's paying attention to what you're going through...granted bringing up the ex- isn't a good way of doing it...he may just see the comments as a way of being involved, and not as actually comparing the two of you.

If my hubby brought up an ex-girlfriend inapropriately like that, with my personality, I might sarcastically draw out the conversation by asking him, "Oh my gosh, she didn't puke and I do?? What do you think that means? "...which, for my DH, would make it pretty clear that the comment was inapropriate. In our relationship that response would be taken as a humorous way of pointing out a slip-up.

Maybe your fella might need a straight forward,"This is not her pregnancy, it's ours, and it's going to be different. This is how I'm experiencing it, and I don't want or need to hear how she did or didn't gain weight."

I don't think your reaction was "crazy", but then again it might depend on the dynamics of your relationship with him.

***When I wrote this there weren't any responses yet...now I'm reading that you've already responded, and it might be redundant ***

718gemini

I can understand that this is his way of relating to pregnancy, but come on...  NO ONE wants to be compared to an ex, at least not in an unfavorable way.  He should keep the comparisons to himself, IMO it's really insensitive to say those things to you.  I would have been pissed too.  Now that you've spoken about it, hopefully that will be the end of it.

fierynut

Thank you for your reply... I love the sarcastic response!  That is so my style... lol  I don't like blowing up and yelling..  I guess that is why I feel like a bit of a jerk..  I think if he does it again I will use sarcasm..  That is very much how I am and he is used to it!  (He better be after knowing me for 13 years!)

 

jessicacmiel

It would really bother me too.  He is the one that needs to apologize to you....not cool!

fierynut

Yeah this is the end of it.. I just needed to vent about it and hate to vent to my friends because they NEVER forget ANYTHING and he would never hear the end of it from them.. I don't want him stoned for it.. I just want him to kiss my feet for a few days... lol

mabma80

Yes, it would drive me crazy too.  It's to give hints when you don't like something, and if they don't get it then you NEED to snap.  Good for you!

StephK86

That would for sure make me crazy. No one wants to be constantly compared to someone else. Especially their husbands ex. I probably wouldn't have been able to keep my cool either. Hopefully he won't do it again. If he does I would probably respond with "My ex never compared me to anybody."

weddingbells2010

If it were me, DH would have only made that mistake once before I made it loud and clear that comparing me to his ex and ruining my pregnancy experience would be a grave mistake.  You're a better woman than I for holding your tongue for so long.

jackiemf

weddingbells2010:

If it were me, DH would have only made that mistake once before I made it loud and clear that comparing me to his ex and ruining my pregnancy experience would be a grave mistake.  You're a better woman than I for holding your tongue for so long.

jackiemf

weddingbells2010:

If it were me, DH would have only made that mistake once before I made it loud and clear that comparing me to his ex and ruining my pregnancy experience would be a grave mistake.  You're a better woman than I for holding your tongue for so long.

jackiemf

jackiemf:

weddingbells2010:

If it were me, DH would have only made that mistake once before I made it loud and clear that comparing me to his ex and ruining my pregnancy experience would be a grave mistake.  You're a better woman than I for holding your tongue for so long.

Agreed. I would make it clear that it bothers you and that you will not let it slide again.

Lizard2022

DH was also married and had kids before me and I let him know before I was KU that I didn't want to hear one word about her.  I knew I couldn't take it.  I'm sorry.  It was hard enough for me feeling like he wasn't as excited because it wasn't his first child and it was mine. I hope he learned his lesson and you learned to speak up when things bother you.