Unbelievable, really!?! Courts suck!

cmanmom

So exH has not been around/seen DS in 15 months, won't say where he lives, doesn't pay CS etc.  So back in Feb. I start the process to modify the PP to just phone visitation and our court date is tomorrow at 1:30 to enter it because he was served, didn't reply, and the 20 day waiting period is up.  Tomorrow's court date was to enter in default since he didn't reply.

I just got a phone call from my attny. that his mommy hired him a lawyer and now everything we've done and I've paid for is null and the court date tomorrow is basically off because how he has representation.  Serioulsy seething p!ssed.  Less than 24 hours that it was in the bag and the courts allow him (his mom) to swoop in at the 11th hour and make it all go away?  WTF!

Now we have to sit and wait for what his proposed parenting plan is.  I am so p!ssed that I even opened up this can of worms, now it is all going to change and I'm seriously sick about it.  How can it even be?  I don't get why the courts allow monkeys like him to dance around and screw with everything.  I. am. so. mad.

BostonGayGal

"How can it even be?  I don't get why the courts allow monkeys like him to dance around and screw with everything. "

The courts honor each parent's inherent biological right to have a relationship with their child because it is in the best interest of the child to have relationships with both parents.

The court didn't screw him; you did. You could have avoided this particular monkey from having this right by not screwing the dancing monkey.  So getting angry at the court for trying to sort it the mess YOU made is ridiculously unfair. 

If he wasn't visiting, why did you tempt fate by modifying it to only phone communication? 

cmanmom

I went to modify it because I was scared that he was going to show up one day out of the blue and expect to take DS for visitation when they are virtually strangers to each other.  He's been out of DS life for 15 months on his own, calling on Tuesdays so I thought, why not make it the PP since that's what it's been for over a year.

I'm angry because he didn't reply to anything in his "20 day waiting period" and then less than 24 hours before it was said and done, the courts allow him to still reply.  I thought a 20 day waiting period was exactly that - 20 days to reply and then your chance is over.  He told me he wasn't going to do anything and he didn't.  Until today.  His Mom got him a lawyer at the last minute and everything's down the drain.

I wasn't trying to "screw the dancing monkey", I was trying to protect my son.  Because with the current PP, exH could have at any point in time come back and there would be squat I could do about letting a virtual stranger to my son take him for the weekend.

BostonGayGal

It sounds like you got scared that he might inappropriately show up and want a whole weekend after 15 months of not seeing him, but might things have ended differently if you discussed exactly that on the phone one Tuesday when he called?

I think part of the difficulty is that this sounds like it came as a complete surprise to him, and getting legal papers when you least expect them is scary and often seen as underhanded when the other person hasn't been causing any problems. So his mom helped him get an attorney (which people on this board do all the time), to address a change that drastically affects his ability to see his child and was likely seen as an unnecessary and underhanded step to keep the father out of the child's life.

I don't know squat about your relationship, but from an outsider's perspective, it would seem that you should have brought up your concern during one of the phone calls and possibly avoided the lawyers and court costs if he agreed that suddenly showing up for a weekend wouldn't be fair to your son. 

 

cmanmom

I can see where you are coming from and how it might seem like I was trying to sneak something by him but that's not the case and you have no way of knowing that.

He is extremely manipulative and the best way to describe him is as a con artist.  This has been going on since I left when DS was 1, so for 3 years I've put up with him willy nilly showing up, cancelling last minute etc. and generally messy making.  I have no problem with him being involved in DS life, I've always said be involved, just actually BE involved.  Be consistent.  Come every time, not when it's convenient or you have nothing more exciting going on.  Unfortunately that was not the case.

Then he lost his job (got fired) and CS stopped, then DCS put him in court for it and basically after time issued an ultimatum that if he didn't pay he was going to jail.  Next court date he doesn't show so that = bench warrant.  Mind you he had already had his license taken away, and been arrested once for driving with a suspended license.  So from that date on he did nothing to take care of it, and stopped coming altogether (it was spotty at best before) to get DS.

So he moves around, doesn't have a legal job at least because DCS can never find him and he refuses to tell me where he lives.  I initiated the phone calls so that at least IF he did come back he would be a little less of a stranger.  I did speak with him before starting the whole process and he told me that since he wasn't around, that he wasn't going to do anything and that it made sense to make what we'd been doing for the past year the final plan since the other one didn't apply anymore made sense and he was fine with it.

The 20 days past, he does nothing, he gets all the paperwork and we talk about it.  Fine, done...then our court date is coming up.  He says nothing.  And then I get a call from my attorney that he and his mommy just met with an attorney and todays court date is basically null and void.