Maybe I Should Be Asking Mrs. Manners

StephK86

So let's just get this part straight first. I know I am not married (yet) but my boyfriend and I actually planned this baby. We may not have tried for my first son but we didn't not try either. Either way our kids weren't these big oopsies we weren't prepared for. People think because we are kind of young (25 and 30) and not yet married that we are just having kids by mistake or something. I have everything I need and I am a shopaholic as well as my mother so we actually have more then we need.

Now I will get to the point. People keep feeling the need to give me old, stained, used up, dirty things for this baby. I understand their intentions are good but it's kind of offensive as well. We are always dressed nice, our house looks nice I think we do a pretty good job. I am not rich by an means but I can take care of my children or else I wouldn't have them. Now I find out someone wants to give me more of their 20 year old baby items. They even told my mother they weren't nice to begin with, are stained and are from their kid who is a teenager. She is making me take these things with a smile on my face. I am to the point of offended and pissed off. I know said people mean well but come on IF I even needed things why would you think it's o.k. to give someone stained, dirty, cheap clothes? I have donated clothes and they were in beautiful shape. I don't have the room to even store these things out of guilt, they will literally go straight in the garbage. I feel bad like maybe they can give this stuff to people who need it if I said something.

If you made it through that I promise to make it through any of your rants!

So I guess my question is: How do you politely tell people you just don't need these things with out offending them? Or am I stuck with taking this crap?

MrsAtch

Say, "thank you, but we actually have way more than we actually need for our baby. He/she was planned and prepared for in advance. I'm sure there are others that could use them though" and direct her to donate them. Someone may actually need them, and then you're not stuck with them.

StephK86

Thank you! That's what I want to do. My mother is afraid I will hurt their feelings and wants me to take the stuff. I feel like taking these things says to these people you're right I can't take care of my kids. Or you're right these kids were accidents and we are dirt poor. I am so angry right now and it might just be hormones but I can't figure out why people think I am a charity case. I hope I don't sound like a total brat. It's 2011 people have kids that they planned for or that they can take care of out of wed lock. It doesn't make the kids any less loved or clothed.

butterflynola

MrsAtch:

Say, "thank you, but we actually have way more than we actually need for our baby. He/she was planned and prepared for in advance. I'm sure there are others that could use them though" and direct her to donate them. Someone may actually need them, and then you're not stuck with them.

Yes this exactly.  Honestly my MIL tried to do that with us, and wanted to give us my DH's baby clothes, (he's 30!) lol she wasn't trying to be mean and we don't need any help with hand me downs etc and she knows that but that was just her way of trying to help but eventually my DH just told her do you  really think that we want stained up old clothes for our new baby lol and she said you're right and it was no big deal so maybe if you say it nicely to this person they will understand but they really may just be trying to help in their own weird way?

StephK86

Autumnmh1:

MrsAtch:

Say, "thank you, but we actually have way more than we actually need for our baby. He/she was planned and prepared for in advance. I'm sure there are others that could use them though" and direct her to donate them. Someone may actually need them, and then you're not stuck with them.

Yes this exactly.  Honestly my MIL tried to do that with us, and wanted to give us my DH's baby clothes, (he's 30!) lol she wasn't trying to be mean and we don't need any help with hand me downs etc and she knows that but that was just her way of trying to help but eventually my DH just told her do you  really think that we want stained up old clothes for our new baby lol and she said you're right and it was no big deal so maybe if you say it nicely to this person they will understand but they really may just be trying to help in their own weird way?

It's crazy to me that people even keep stuff that long! My great aunt tried to give me her son's stuff too for my first baby. He is like 35 years old.

This is getting kind of out of hand now. I just found out this person is now asking other people (that I know) if they want to give stuff to me too. I don't even know how to approach her. I really, really don't want people giving me things they might otherwise use. I will not use this stuff. Or thinking that I am like asking for stuff for my baby. Anyone who knows me well knows this baby is already spoiled but others may not know any better. Maybe I should hurry and finish my nursery and start posting pictures on facebook.

tiffanysbride

You say "Thank you but we have everything we need. That is very sweet of you to think of us but save them for someone who might need them."

samm1983

tiffanysbride:

You say "Thank you but we have everything we need. That is very sweet of you to think of us but save them for someone who might need them."

This exactly.

BritanyV

Here's my thing, even if there is someone else who actually needs some of these things, why does being poor equate to being given dirty old things?   Maybe I'm just way too picky but even if I couldn't afford baby clothes, I still wouldn't be appreciative of dirty old clothes for my child. 

Some people's hearts are in the right place but I don't know where their minds are!  

 

StephK86

BritanyV:

Here's my thing, even if there is someone else who actually needs some of these things, why does being poor equate to being given dirty old things?   Maybe I'm just way too picky but even if I couldn't afford baby clothes, I still wouldn't be appreciative of dirty old clothes for my child. 

Some people's hearts are in the right place but I don't know where their minds are!  

 

That was my point exactly Britany but in my rant I could of worded it better. That's why I said when I donate clothes they are in beautiful condition. I have known people through work or friends that really were struggling. I looked through my things and whatever I gave them I washed, made sure had no stains, had no tears and wasn't super old. I don't know why this person things that even if I was struggling that I would want clothes that she describes as "not nice in the first place" and that she says now have stains all over them.

I know when people give you things they are just trying to be helpful. I would just never give somebody things I thought were hideous and dirty!

HadleyS

MrsAtch:

Say, "thank you, but we actually have way more than we actually need for our baby. He/she was planned and prepared for in advance. I'm sure there are others that could use them though" and direct her to donate them. Someone may actually need them, and then you're not stuck with them.

This exactly.  But I wouldn't get pissed/upset about it.  I would still be flattered that someone would want to donate, no matter what condition the items are in.  It sounds like the woman has good intentions.  It would be great to have those things go to some who needs them.

StephK86

You're right Hadley I shouldn't say I am pissed. I guess overwhelmed is a better way of putting it. I still have to clean out/decorate my nursery and all this stuff piling up from people is making it worse. I am not trying to be rude to any of them so I always say thank you and take the things. This morning I thought about why am I throwing it out when maybe someone could use it? Although some of the stuff does need to be trashed. I just know that if I tell this girl I can't use these things her feeling will get hurt. I am going to try my best to just politely decline.

ambs21

tiffanysbride:

You say "Thank you but we have everything we need. That is very sweet of you to think of us but save them for someone who might need them."

This.  Or just take the stuff and go donate it yourself.  I wouldn't be irritated that anyone wants to help though.  If they saved the stuff all these years, it probably means a lot to them.  I'm sure the intentions are pure!  I would be honored that they want to give you their things, in whatever condition they come!