Do you have ways to cope?
I'm a lucky woman. I try to remember that every day.
My husband is wonderful. Not perfect by any means, but so perfect for me.
We have fun together, we like a lot of the same things, we laugh and he challenges me constantly always keeping me on my toes.
But... It's always there. Even when I'm laughing... In the back of my mind is this pain. This pressure in my chest, physical pain and stress that comes from STILL holding on.
No matter how hard I try, or how many days I spend trying to cope with our situation, my mind, my body they seem to keep holding on to that hope.
My plans. The plans that always included (at least one) a little one. Me being a mom. Me feeling that it's what I was born to be. Watching my husband with nieces/nephews/perfect stranger's kids! And knowing that he'll never get to be the incredible dad that he could be...
I want to be strong and concentrate on what our future will be. I try to convince myself (because I KNOW it's true) that we'll still have a happy, rewarding life together. But it's always there... Keeping me down.
What do you do? How do you do it?
Reprogramming SUCKS. Big time.
Re: Do you have ways to cope?
I'm going to assume that crying while walking through Walgreens getting a thing of ice cream is not the coping mechanism you are looking for.
Other than that- I'm still working on it.
There are days that are awesome and I'm totally on board with being just the two of us. Like you said, my husband is great. An ass, but he's my ass. And we are able to just pick up and go whenever which is awesome.
And then there are days that everything seems to point out what is missing and that's when I end up in Walgreens or at the very least crying as I fall asleep hugging a dog.
"It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
"Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
Yeah... I've been there. (as in LITERALLY - scary - walking crying through Walgreens)...
Right now?
It'll be our 10th wedding anniversary in July. My husband is planning a weekend getaway which will be a surprise for me. I'm trying to get all excited about that.
And?
Planning our trip to Vegas in September.
I spend some time thinking about all of the wonderful things about it being the two of us. Maybe I should do that more. And keep planning...
And going out just the two of us...
I've tried four different therapists. And had SUCH bad luck.
The antidepressants worked in a way. But they made my heart go crazy. My husband HATED the idea of me taking them and since my heart couldn't take them, I just stopped.
If I'd found a good therapist, maybe I would have tried something else...
I'm sniffling just reading all your posts in this thread, so maybe I'm not the best to give advice. Especially falling asleep while hugging a dog and watching husband with other people's kids.
I write and record angsty songs. Play the hell out of my piano. Throw myself into an obsession of makeup or working out. Get angry at screaming children in church. That about sums it up. When we were going through treatments, blogging was a great coping mechanism for me. But at this stage I just don't have much more to say.
I'm still learning and seeking answers for how to cope. I am meeting with a counselor though, and that seems to help. She is encouraging me to find the positives of not having kids, and I'm trying to do that. I love to sleep in, travel, live on snacks instead of cooking real meals. My job would be a struggle with kids because I start getting calls at 5:30 am and get calls as late as 10 pm, and when a call comes I deal with it right away, that would be hard with an infant.
I need to find a new hobby. TTC consumed me for so many years and now I'm lost without it.
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!
April 2011 CP @ 5 weeks
I can relate to just about every PP. I broke down at Target because they were setting up the summer infant wear aisle while I was there. Went home, cracked open my liquid significant other, Jack, and began listing off all the things I love about just being "Kylie" and not "Mommy".
I am slightly fortunate that, given my career of choice, I will do not have much time to allow the bad days to consume me. But when they do...I plan on emptying out on to my journal.
Of course, there is always Jack & Jose.
Since we made the decision in December not to be aggressive with treatment or persue adoption, I decided the time was right to get back into therapy. I've gone off and on since I was out of college, mostly dealing with anxiety and depression. I never really stuck with it because I couldn't find the right therapist for me. I like the woman I see right now, she doesn't talk down to me and she is not new agey, if you know what I mean. So that helps, I think. I also went back on antidepressants, which I had stopped some time ago, in anticipation of getting KU'ed. The medications have helped dramatically with my anxiety.
Besides that stuff, I decided to lose weight. Between the RE stuff and the miscarriages, I had packed on 30 lbs since I met my husband. I've been working out and eating right and have finally lost it all! It's amazing how much feeling good about my appearance has helped with my outlook on things.
I mean, I'm still bitter and wretched, don't get me wrong
, but these are the things I focus on to get through the day...my mental and physical health.
Congratulations
Thanks so much ladies! It's been a lot of work. I think the most fun part is my husband's reaction to me...and of course, buying new clothes.
I need to do this as well.
But I hate buying new clothes.
It's a vicious cycle.
"It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
"Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
It's a double edged sword...hate spending money, but love looking at my ass in new jeans.