~HadleyS~

Izabella22

Hey chickie - I was going to page you earlier but silly work got in the way... bah! Things are better today, although I'm hella nervous to get betas back. I got drawn this morning but I don't know if the results will be in this afternoon or not. The spotting has eased off (hopefully for good!) and I made it past 5w3d which is where the last pregnancy ended so now I just need another good beta (over 2000), a good u/s, and to make it past 6w5d and I think those are all my hurdles. It seems like a lot but one at a time. I'm hoping maybe the # will be high enough we could go friday for 1st u/s.

How are you doing? I hate to ask if you had a good weekend b/c I know your step father passing is still so new. *HUGS* Anything fun at your upcoming appt or just a check in? How are you feeling all around?

HadleyS

(((HUGS)))

That's a great milestone...to make it past 5w3d!  I will very anxiously await that beta number...update us ASAP!  I also hope the number is high enough, I am totally expecting to see you post about when your ultrasound will be.

How am I doing?  Um...it's been REALLY crappy. 

******I need to write a thank you post to everyone on PGAL for being so supportive and prayerful about my stepfather.  I will do that after this post.*****

There was no service, and my entire family convinced me not to go home, so I didn't, but I immediately regretted that on Friday and have been combating tears all weekend.  I should have listened to my heart and hopped on a plane the moment I heard the news.  DH has been really helpful and has tried to keep me distracted during the daytime.  I just feel like this is all so sudden and so freaking unfair.  I feel like a "silent sufferer" and that it's only okay to grieve privately....which makes all of the saddness from the loss of our LO come flooding back.  I did light a candle for him, Ray, at church, but feel like there was never a proper place/time to try and get closure.  It's like having a wound that just won't heal.  Things will be better in time, but I can't help but wish that I had more time with him, called him more, visited him more, planned more to do with him, etc...

But the bad news just keeps on comin'...

My grandmother lives in Joplin, and well, if you watched the news or weather channel, you would already know about the tornado that devastated the city.  My grandmother is MIRACULOUSLY unharmed, thank the GOOD LORD.  She climbed into her bathtub with a quilt and when the tornado passed, she was looking up at the sky, not her ceiling.  The roof is gone, some of the walls to the house are gone, and there is a giant tree in the living room.  I spent every summer, all summer at my grandma's in my childhood, until it was time to go back to school.  I guess we (the kids) lived there when school was out.  My two uncles drove to get her and as many belongings as they could fit into two trucks.  I haven't spoken to her, but I am sure that she is shaken up.  She's 89, and considering her age, she's about as healthy as a horse.  We are all just so glad that she's okay, but now everyone is worried about how she's feeling mentally and worried about the house because it is damaged beyond repair.  My heart and prayers go out to all of the residents in Joplin and all affected by this tragedy.

I have an appointment today yes, but I am not sure what my doc is going to discuss.  I am sure she will do a doppler check, and I will see how much weight I've gained (yikes...I have been eating...a lot), and there's a slight chance she will go over my sequential screen so that we know our risks for certain disorders.  I really wish I could see our little babe on ultrasound, but I will be happy enough with hearing the heartbeat.

Izabella22

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. *HUGS* That has got to be so difficult where you don't have a way to get some closure. When will you be going home next? Could you plan a small gathering for your next trip home? I know the situation is tough in general, just wondered if something like that might help you feel like you were able to honor his memory in a special way.

And Omg about your gram! I am so glad she is ok but that is crazy. I saw some of the info on the news about the tornadoes and it sounds like she was in the middle of it. Yikes. That is a pretty traumatic thing to go through, esp at 89! Will she be living with family? I can't even imagine losing my home, especially so abruptly. Wow. Oh hon I am sorry, I wish I could give you a big hug. I'm glad your Dh is helping to keep your mind occupied but its got to be hard not to just worry about her. I hope she stays strong, that's pretty amazing she made it through all that without being hurt.

That is great about the doppler check, I feel like a fool for asking but since I haven't made it that far, do they do those at most of your appts where there isn't a u/s? I'm very curious about the process once we get beyond the constant needle poke phase! How early was your first u/s? I'm so antsy to get some appts scheduled so I feel like there is a timeline. I don't even have an official EDD. Feels weird.

MrsAtch

I just want to send some love to you both. Liz, I hope your betas went well today. Please let me know as soon as you hear. Shel, I have been thinking about you so much and my heart has gone out to you and your family. Not having closure is a really crappy place to be- we didn't have a service for my grandfather and it took me a LONG time to get over it. Just want you to know I'm here, and sending you good thoughts. If you ever need to get away I'm a quick drive, and I bet we can drag Liz out