sorta XP: Clicky poll - your TTC "deadline"

AustinBride06

XP a similar poll on TTCAL.

For those who are or were TTC... did you put pressure on yourself to get PG by a certain deadline?

[Poll]

AustinBride06

I realized I probably should have put my option up there though I have kind-of a combo answer.  My deadline is to get pregnant by my original EDD (Aug 30th).  That also happens to be a time when there are a big wave of EDDs for my circle of friends and I feel like my world is going to fall apart if I can't get pregnant by the time that rolls around.

Yeah, I know... not the healthiest things to be thinking.  Something I'm working on in therapy is regarding all the insane amounts of pressure I put on myself do make certain goals or feel a certain way or be a certain something when I just need more time to get there.  I tell myself that if I don't get PG for a while longer it'll be okay, but I don't really believe myself.

Mrs.Froggianna

I chose "life event" but I'm not sure if that's the right description for our timeline.  We don't want our kids to be more than 3ish years apart, so we knew when we'd have to start TTC in order to achieve that.  If it takes longer than expected to conceive, I imagine we'll just roll with it.  We were lucky and got Luke on the 3rd month of trying.

Good luck and loads of *~*~*~*~*~*~*baby dust!! *~*~*~*~*~*~* to you.

rssnlvr

I knew I wanted to have my first kid when I was 30 and that we wanted them to be close in age, which, to me, meant 20 months minimum (the age difference between my brother and me, which I've always loved).

MrsBeckO

We want to be done having kids by 30. If that means we only have our Camy Bean, I'll be happy with my gorgeous girl.. Or if that means we pop out one more before then, yay!

mcgee

The first time around, I wanted to get pregnant in time to have a baby before my dad died. He was diagnosed with cancer in late August/early September 2005. I have PCOS, so we weren't sure how long it would take us to get pregnant. I got my BFP in October 2005 with an original due date of Father's Day. So it worked out for us. My dad defied the odds and managed to live long enough to meet my second child.

The second time around, I wanted instant results because it happened so fast the first time. I didn't really have a timeline in mind, I just wanted to get knocked up ASAP. We had planned to ttc in the summer of 2009, hoping for spring 2010 baby. I am SO glad we decided to push up the date and ttc in late 2008/early 2009 instead because my dad passed away in February 2010. He was able to be here for Alex's birth and for his first Christmas. 

brideonjuly8

I didn't have any expectations for our first, but I've been stressing A LOT about the second.  I always wanted our kids no more than 3 years apart, and we started, I thought, with more than enough time to make that happen.  I've lost 2 babies since then, and of course, had I known that, we would never have prevented once I weaned DS. 

All my medical history and the endo and adhesions found during my lap last sept also has me feeling like I'm racing against the clock to get pg again so I won't have to deal with another surgery, on top of everything else that's happened.

bluestreet

I answered "special snowflake" because I had the exact opposite issue of most who answered here. I always wanted to wait until my late 30s to have kids, even if that meant adopting. The thought of having kids in my 20s or early 30s went against the adventurous and independent life I had planned.

But in my late 20s I fell in love with a man and his little girl, and then I got knocked-up despite taking precautions. Next thing I knew I was 30 and had 2 kids. It took some adjusting before I truly embraced and enjoyed the new circumstances. I went through a rough patch of mourning for the life I had planned, and then finally realized that I'd found a deeper joy than I'd ever anticipated or known prior.

My point is that it can be hard either way, when we don't have things go according to plan. 

I hope you'll go easy on yourself, and lots of get-pregnant-dust your way!

fjaril

We wanted to be married and enjoy life together and grow up together before we had kids. I got married in my early 20's and we wanted to travel a bit and to be honest, thought what the hell does a 20 year old know about life to share with a  kid. (this coming from someone with a lot of baggage in her past).

So as I got close to 30, I thought let's do it. It happened. Now, we've decided if the second one doesn't happen by my birthday, we'll probably be one and done. I'll be 35 this year.

FeistyFille

I answered a life event because we originally wanted to get PG after or shortly before I finished my degree.  But two things happened.  A hurricane sent all my experiments down the toilet thereby pushing back the degree timeline.  And then when I went off BC and found out that I was having problems O'ing, that pushed up the timeline for me, and DH was on board.

thethomps

fjaril:

So as I got close to 30, I thought let's do it. It happened. Now, we've decided if the second one doesn't happen by my birthday, we'll probably be one and done. I'll be 35 this year.

I'm 35, too (are we the oldest on the board?), and we definitely want another but I don't want to be 38-40 and still having kids.  We'll start TTC at the end of the summer in the hope that I can have #2 by the time I'm 36.  If #2 doesn't happen for some reason (or if we feel our family isn't complete with 2), we will look into adopting.

ETA:  Sorry - not by the time I'm 36, when I'm 36.  

balihaigirl

For our first, we planned on having a baby by the time we were both 30 (I had L when I was 29).

We really want to have another child about 3-years apart from L so we started ttc in Feburary.  We're hoping to have baby #2 right as DH finishes up his PhD so I can be a SAHM.

We'd love to have three children, but want to be done by the time I'm 35/36, so we'll see how that works out.  

L L CG

At first I thought "no" but then this morning I remembered that I totally had a deadline, it was just a different one.  I told myself that if I lost one more pregnancy I was going to go the adoption route.  I even started researching adoption the night I got my Alice BFP.  I just knew I was going to m/c and I knew I couldn't emotionally take another one.

smb29

thethomps:

I'm 35, too (are we the oldest on the board?) 

Nope, I'm 36.

kiarox2002

We started TTC when I was 26 and I wanted 2-3 kids.  I also wanted to be done by the time I was 30 if we were only having 2.  Of course when we started having problems I just wanted to be pg with 1 by the time I was 30.    Now I desperately want another one, but we can't start treatments until Kate is in kinder/ 1st grade.  I'm hoping for a miracle at this point because I don't want my kids that far apart.

texasbeachbride

I wanted to be pregnant with my first before I turned 30.  30th birthday has come and gone.  Now, the thing I am stressing about is getting pregnant before my little sister who is 5 yrs younger than me.  And I too know that putting these kind of deadlines on ourselves is not healthy, but so hard not to do, esp when things don't go like we thought they would

romigu

I had originally planned to start when I was 30 but my MIL became very sick and was hospitalized for a couple of months so we delayed. Then I decided I wanted to enjoy Austin baby free for another year so we delayed again. I will be 32 when I have this child and will probably try to have 2 under 2.

el_twirpo

we planned around our vacation. ) so i knew i didn't want to get PG before a certain month. but i think even if we didn't get PG as soon as we did, i thought a year's time would be enough of trying naturally before we would need to start looking at other options.

lots of baby dust to you! and don't stress out. i've always heard that things align when you aren't stressing about it.  

FireChiefsBride

Nope, yall aren't the oldest on the board. I can think of a few moms with teenagers, so I'm going to make the big-fat assumption there are probably a small handful in their upper 30's/ early 40's.

I am waiting until I get closer to my degree (within a semester) to try. With already having DSS, and DH being older (40's), if things don't work out, I will try to be okay with that. I have spent the last few years convincing myself that if I don't get KU, I wasn't intended to have kids. We'll see what really happens when we get there, though.

Slobina

I didn't really have a timeline until after Ruby was born.  We got married when we were both 30, and we started TTC when I was about 33, and had Ruby when I was 34 and a few months.  Given the physical demands of pregnancy, delivery, and nursing, I don't want to wait too much longer to have a second.  So I'd like to have our 2nd no later than December 2012 (I'll be 36 in July of 2012).

meg120510

We never really had a deadline for when we wanted to start our family.  Last February we decided to stop "not-trying" and let it happen when it was meant to be.  We were lucky and got pregnant that first month.  

As for future children, DH would like to be done having kids at 35.  He just turned 32 and I'll be 27 later this year.  We definitely want one more, but possibly two.  We also want them to be close in age, so we are going to start trying again this fall.  Hopefully, we can have number two shortly after DH turns 33.   

austxgrl

I wanted to be finished having kids by the time I was 30.  I'm 32 and have several angels but none on earth.  I also had planned that I would be married to my husband for the rest of my life. We would have three kids by the time I was 30 (he 40).  That I would be a SAHM.  We would cd.  We would not spank.  I was going to do an unmedicated birth. We would make our own babyfood.  I was going to be team mom and class room mom and PTA mom...  The list goes on.  None of it happened but at this very moment in my life I'm happier than I've ever been.  So, the lesson... sometimes you just have to go with the eb and flow of life and just see where life takes you as opposed trying to micro-manage it.  I know that I want to get married again and I want it to last and I want to be a mom and I know in my heart that it will happen for me someday in the way its supposed to which might not be the exact way that I want it to but in the end it will all be right. 

AustinMimi

austxgrl:

I wanted to be finished having kids by the time I was 30.  I'm 32 and have several angels but none on earth.  I also had planned that I would be married to my husband for the rest of my life. We would have three kids by the time I was 30 (he 40).  That I would be a SAHM.  We would cd.  We would not spank.  I was going to do an unmedicated birth. We would make our own babyfood.  I was going to be team mom and class room mom and PTA mom...  The list goes on.  None of it happened but at this very moment in my life I'm happier than I've ever been.  So, the lesson... sometimes you just have to go with the eb and flow of life and just see where life takes you as opposed trying to micro-manage it.  I know that I want to get married again and I want it to last and I want to be a mom and I know in my heart that it will happen for me someday in the way its supposed to which might not be the exact way that I want it to but in the end it will all be right. 

It makes me so happy to see you so happy!! 

mlf625

Originally, not really.  I always thought I'd have my 1st before 30, but wasn't dead set on that happening a certain year.  When I was just about to turn 26, we got a surprise BFP.  When I miscarried a few months later, all of the sudden, TTC and getting pregnant again was all I could think about.  So from there, it was all about deadlines.  Pregnant before my EDD (I was recovering from my 2nd m/c when my 1st EDD came).  Pregnant before Christmas (nope).  Pregnant with a sticky baby before my 2nd EDD (happened!)

Good luck to you.  It will happen.

KittyFX

smb29:

thethomps:

I'm 35, too (are we the oldest on the board?) 

Nope, I'm 36.

I'm almost 40. Top that!

Chicklit

austxgrl:

I wanted to be finished having kids by the time I was 30.  I'm 32 and have several angels but none on earth.  I also had planned that I would be married to my husband for the rest of my life. We would have three kids by the time I was 30 (he 40).  That I would be a SAHM.  We would cd.  We would not spank.  I was going to do an unmedicated birth. We would make our own babyfood.  I was going to be team mom and class room mom and PTA mom...  The list goes on.  None of it happened but at this very moment in my life I'm happier than I've ever been.  So, the lesson... sometimes you just have to go with the eb and flow of life and just see where life takes you as opposed trying to micro-manage it.  I know that I want to get married again and I want it to last and I want to be a mom and I know in my heart that it will happen for me someday in the way its supposed to which might not be the exact way that I want it to but in the end it will all be right. 

I'm so happy for you, Austx. I'm sure everything will turn out the way it's supposed to for you.

As to the original post, I don't have a deadline. I don't see much sense in setting deadlines or expectations for things that are so out of my control. I've experienced the unhappiness of things not going according to my timetable and I don't want to do that to myself again.

HSartteach

KittyFX:

smb29:

thethomps:

I'm 35, too (are we the oldest on the board?) 

Nope, I'm 36.

I'm almost 40. Top that!

Can't.  I'm only 35-years-young.

As for deadlines...Our deadline for #2 keeps getting pushed back.  I *think* I want to be done trying by the time I am 37.  It's hard to say.  I do only have one ovary, and this time, getting pg is not as easy.  So, who knows.

shanwalk2

For us, it's a financial 'deadline'.  We would love to ttc now - but DH is very goal oriented in regards to our finances.  We've worked up a budget and had originally set January '12 as when we'd reach our goals.  We've made some changes to the budget, and decided to push it back to August '12. 

I have no clue when we'll actually have a baby in our arms... and I'm hoping we will by my 30th birthday, as I'll be 28 when we start ttc.   

DH and I know we want (at least) two, and I hope to be done having kids by the time I'm 34...  but we shall see.