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Two Under 2
who isn't having a second shower?
What is protocal or typical with showers for 2nd babies. I mean I feel so weird when people discuss it, part of me is like absolutly there is stuff I need to replace or need now that there are two, but then another part of me is like, I just had DS a year ago, do I really not have everything I need. Its not like I got rid of anything yet.
My MIL suggested doing a Sip and See after #2 is born and let individuals bring a gift if they want but don't host anythign formal.
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Re: who isn't having a second shower?
Matthew Kevin
7/31/83-7/20/11
Met 1/8/00
Engaged 4/21/06
Married 9/29/07
Two beautiful legacies: Noah Matthew (2 yrs) and Chloe Marcella (8 mos)
Day Three
Protocol is to NOT have a second shower. I made my co-workers promise me they wouldn't throw me a shower, after all I just had one 2 years ago. They still got me a Visa gift card which was greatly appreciated...but I didn't feel gift grabby.
Since my pedi won't let DD out of the house until she's 8 weeks old, I will skip the Sip N See and introduce her to my family at our annual 4th of July party.
Just curious according to whose protocol? I had never heard of this before coming on this site. I think it depends on where you are and your family dynamics. I think the shower is not for the parents its for the child and every child should be celebrated in some way shape or form. I didn't have a shower b/c we ran out of time due to holidays and birthdays in our family so we're doing a meet and greet once the baby is here.
<a href="http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y161/putalittlepolkainyourdot/?action=view
This isn't always the case. You really need to follow the trend of what your circle of friends and family do. With my friends (military wives from all over) it is very common. I've been to and hosted a ton of second showers and just posted pics in my blog of mine. So OUR protocol says it's OK. I say, do what's the norm in YOUR circle of friends because every circle is different.
Our family blog
The concept of a baby shower is to shower a first time mom with items she needs for her child to help deal with the financial blow of having a child. It annoys me when people say a shower is for the baby-they have no idea what's going on. I cannot understand for the life of me why people choose to have second showers. I can see having a little get together before the baby is born where people might bring a onesie or some diapers (ie "sprinkle") because some people think the idea of having those types of parties is fun, but having a second shower is tacky and gift grabby IMO. I judge people who do and made sure my friends/family knew that I did not want another shower, even though my 2nd was a different sex than the first. I think there are certain exceptions to this rule, like a surprise baby born 5+ years after the first, suprise triplets, there was no first shower and the 2nd time mom might still need some stuff, etc.
I think your MIL has the right idea of having a party after the baby is born if you truly want to celebrate the 2nd child.
A shower is most definitely for the parents. To "shower" them with gifts. That's where the name came from. The purpose of a shower is gifts - which is why having 2 so close together is poor etiquette. Which is also why it is considered poor etiquette to throw one yourself.
I'm not saying it isn't the norm for some families, but I do know that if I was invited to a second baby shower for someone who had a baby 2 or less years earlier, I would think it was rude. Just my opinion
You can celebrate your child without having a shower for gifts. A sip and see is basically a "come see the baby" party where people are not asked or expected to give gifts (no registry, etc.). Many people will give gifts anyway, but at a shower gifts are expected.
Two girlfriends of mine are throwing a "sprinkle" for us. She said that even if I didn't let her throw this party, there would still be people wanting to buy us stuff so this way, I don't have to deal with those people in the hospital/at my house after baby is born. The guest list is just those 2 friends, my mom and sister, 2 sister in laws, MIL and StepMIL. No extended family or anything like that and there is no registry so it's just a free for all type party. And it's at a restaurant and no games so it won't be like my big first time showers.
I had never heard of this before but with this new group of friends it is pretty common to throw second showers!
In my group of friends and family no one has a second shower. So we will not be having one either.
I actually had never heard of anyone having a second one until I saw it on these boards. I think a lot has to do with where you live and what is "normal" for your group. While it would be nice to get the additional things we'll need for this baby, it's REALLY nice not to have to go to 2nd and 3rd showers for all our friends and family because that would get really expensive and time consuming.
My hesitation with a "Sip and See" is that I don't want a ton of people crowding around the baby when he is real young. Plus, I think it would be incredibly tacky to register for this type of party, so you wouldn't really get the baby gear that you probably need.
DD february 2010 | DS october 2011
*please excuse my typos, bumping from my iphone*
I was offered one and declined.
I was raised that it's very poor etiquette and gift grabby.
It's not other people's responsibility to help you afford your children.
A first shower is designed to shower a first time mom with gifts because it's an overwhelming financial blow to go from zero to fully outfitted for a baby.
That's simply not the case with a second.
However.... I do see that it's different in different parts of the country and different cultures.
I personally choose not to attend them.
I think they're tacky.
Every child will receive a gift from me but a shower for a 2nd is over the top IMO.
And... as a 2nd child I have never needed a therapists help to deal with the fact that my brother got a baby shower and I did not.
The whole "celebrate each child" thing seems bunk to me. They're not there, they don't know about it. Some mom's just seem to need the attention and need or want the gifts.
When I hear people say "but I need x, y or z" for my 2nd child I always want to respond: "Then go BUY it for them!"
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
This.
1. Is this your feeling about birthday parties as well? I know that there is nothing that I can personally do with clothes that are 0-3/3-6 month sizes. The gifts are for the child not the parent.
2. Poor etiquette? Are you kidding me? So anyone that doesn't believe in birth control that happens to get pregnant again and wants to celebrate that child has poor etiquette? I'm not sure where you have gotten your rules from but that is a bunch of bullsh!t!
You have an interesting way of thinking.
I know I'm tardy to the party but it's been a long day. If your goal is to "celebrate the baby" then have the shower AFTER the baby is born (so people can see the baby), and specify that no gifts are necessary. Yes the presents going to be used on the the baby, but they are so the parents don't have to buy the stuff themselves, hence the fact that the presents really are for the parents benefit.
I'm not sure about angelproberts but I do feel the same way about birthday parties. Our parties are for celebrating with friends and family, no gifts necessary... do some people get them? yes, but at least we put it out there that you are not required to purchase anything to come to our parties.
As for Etiquette on a second shower here is Emily Post's official answer:
It's fine to have a baby shower for a second or third baby. Immediate family and very close friends are usually included, but otherwise choose guests who did not attend a shower for a previous child.
There's a difference between having a birthday party and a shower. For my son's first birthday, he got to witness the party. He ate cake and got toys that he could play with. At my baby shower, people bought things for him, but it was ultimately to make my life easier.
It's not the concept of celebrating the baby that's in bad taste, it's the concept of having a shower. Contrary to popular opinion, a child can be celebrated without a baby shower. You certainly can celebrate when the baby is here, or at least do a sprinkle where you're playing the same cheesy shower games but people aren't expected to bring gifts. I just can't imagine family/friends being invited to a shower where it's customary to bring gifts less than 2 years after my first shower when people were so generous the first time around. I think the same goes for wedding showers-what if someone gets married, gets divorced less than a year later, then remarries in less than 2 years time. They get another shower too? Sure, they can, but it's still in poor taste.
I also think it's ridiculous to say that those who opt out of a 2nd shower are not celebrating the baby. Really? There are plenty of ways to celebrate the baby without being gift grabby.