4yo just doesn't LISTEN! vent

novemberweddin

ok, i know my DS is only 4 (just turned 4) but his little attitude is just getting so much more stubborn, which is the part i can handle. Whenever he is around older kids, he turns into this I don't listen to you, I don't have to keep my hands to myself, I can run around swimming pools even though I don't know how to swim, you can put me in time out all day and I'll keep doing it, kind of kid LOL I'm so frustrated, can you tell? I have tried time outs, and just plain, calm explaining about how mommy is so disappointed. I even go over the basic rules as we are leaving the car into the party, mall, etc... where ever we go. I know part of it is that by nap time he is so tired and listening skills don't quite measure up to my expectations but I just basically want to know if anyone has any good books they can recommend or even any advice. I'll try anything at this point. 

thx  

blueshirt2003

I think a lot of it has to do with just being 4. I don't know of a book to recommend though. Just try your best to be persistent in what you say and your punishments and rewards. 

mabma80

My son is doing the same thing.  He'll be 5 in Sept. and I'm hoping he'll start to phase out of it.  My nephew was the same way also, and he grew out of it becoming more calm and cooperative.

It doesn't help that his little brother is going through the terrible twos, so they tend to feed off of each other. Which makes things worse.  But I keep telling him that he has to stop making bad choices so he doesn't get into trouble anymore. That seems to get through to him, because it's the same thing that his teacher says to him when he's listening to her directions.  Usually it's at rug time when she's going to read a story.  

DH thinks he has ADHD, but I just roll my eyes and say "It's worse...it's called 'being 4'".  DH is not used to kids acting like that, neither do his parents, so they assume something is medically wrong.  *rolling eyes*  

Don't worry to much about it right now.  Kids are going through things as they grow, and some go through it a little different then others.  : )

franciscaz

I joke that they only seem to get worse as they get older when it comes to stubborn until one day they are a teenager and have hit rock bottom.

I think you are doing a really great job setting expectations!  Another thing that has helped (even though it is frustrating and sometimes a little embarrassing) is leaving right away if we are in public and putting him in time out in my car.  I've left my cart mid-store for a quick time out or in the middle of dinner at a restaurant.  The threat of later consequences doesn't hold the same effect at this age I've found as the threat of immediate and swift consequences. 

Another really effective tool to combat this is taking away privileges and beloved toys.   He gets a warning with clear consequences (for example in a voice that isn't angry but very firm I get down to his eye level and make sure he I have his attention I will tell him: if you do not get dressed Percy Train will be taken away for one day) and following through with the punishment if ignored.  This has helped a lot.  My nanny especially teases me b/c when I give a warning now he listens (Sometimes though he starts fake crying "mommy you scare me. You are mean.) but he does what I need him to do.

Pesky

Why not let him enjoy the natural consequences?  If he gets like this around older kids, just say "oh dear.  You know, suddenly you don't seem to listen or follow the rules when you are around these older kids.  I think it is time to go home.  Next time we'll go when there are smaller children so maybe this doesn't happen."  Keep him away from the older kids for a while with a "oh, but remember you don't listen or mind the rules when you are around them so I'll help you by not letting you be around them."  Let that go for a week or so (provided he's been good) and then make a big deal out of a return.  "Okay, you know, you have really proven yourself over this week so we'll try it out.  But if you don't listen or mind, it will have to be longer next time being away from the older kids.  You are your own person and you know what is right.  You need to do that and that means listening and following instructions."  If he disobeys again, follow through with keeping him away.  GL!