Separated suddenly, probably permanently. Worried for my child, as most single parents are I guess..

andrew's_bride

I just found out that my husband has been lying to me. He has a history of lying to me, but this one has been going on for months and ends with him being put in collections before I knew anything at all. I asked him to leave because I cannot stand him lying to me. This last lie has destroyed any trust I had left in him. I make the money, I pay the bills, I take care of the house, etc. Problem is, we have a toddler. I am terrified that if this separation is permanent, it will screw her up. That's all you ever hear about. How divorce screws the children up. Hubby doesn't want the separation, but I really can't see how things will ever change. This was his second, third, twentieth chance.... and this lie went on for over a year. He may be a liar, but he is a good dad, and I will try my best to work with him so we can both love our toddler. I have no problem with him seeing her, etc. I am just so worried that she will have behavioral problems, etc. *sigh*.   I feel as though I have to choose btw my daughter's well being, and my happiness. It's a terrible feeling.

 

That's my story. Comments? Tell me your story.

 

 

fromthewomb

Every kid had "behavioral problems." It's all a part of growing up. As long as you and your LO's father communicate effectively about LO things will actually be better for her. You can feel it when there are bad vibes between two people. Resentment will become an issue and both you and LO's dad can become bitter. 

Marriage is about trust and love for one another and if you do not have those things, there is no reason to stay together for the kids. THAT usually is worse than a separation when she isn't even going to remember it. 

Jennis22

I was 3 when my mom left my Dad. They made sure that I never saw them argue about anything and they never bad mouthed each other (I mean it took 24 years just for my mom to even tell me *why* they even split up and my Dad passed 11 years ago). If you ask my mom she says I was 1000 times easier to raise then my brothers, who are actually my half-brothers from her remarriage.

So, in my opinion, divorce is not a guarantee of "behavioral problems" but I think having parents who are unhappy with each other or argue often will definitely end up causing problems somewhere down the line. 

andrew's_bride

Thanks girls. I appreciate it. It's just scary. But I do agree that staying together could be worse on her. Ugh such a confusing time. Tomorrow LO's dad will be taking her for a bit for the first time since he left.  I'm happy because I know she misses him. I am curious to see how she is after the visit though. Anyhow, thanks again

mmarsac

I think it can screw a kid up more for parents to stay together when they fight constantly, or when one parent does something that is a bad influence on the child.

Elaine&Matt

Jennis22:

So, in my opinion, divorce is not a guarantee of "behavioral problems" but I think having parents who are unhappy with each other or argue often will definitely end up causing problems somewhere down the line. 

I agree with this. My parents divorced when I was 7 & my sister was 3.  We are both well adjusted, happy women.  I divorced my ex-husband when my oldest son was 3.  He is now 15 and just fine.  Things would not have been pretty if we had stayed married.