School-Aged Children

Sassy 9 year old DD

Lately my 9.5 year old DD has been so sassy and I am finding it hard to effectively discipline her.  A quick run down is that my H (her stepdad) works nights, so there are 3-4 nights a week that it is just her and I, and she is typically fine and doesn't misbehave, but will still have a sassy mouth at times.  But when my H is home and my SS is also home, she is all about the drama.  I know it is her trying to get all of our attention, even if it is negative attention.  She throws fits like a 2 year old, and this morning she woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  I made her breakfast and she yells at me that I made it wrong and tells me that I can't do anything right. 

I explained to her that she cannot speak to me or any adult that way, and I refused to help her get ready for school and told her that she needed to pack her own lunch. 

I have an older son (almost 20 years old) and he was never bad like this... Any suggestions on books, or should we have her see a therapist?  These are just a couple of examples, it's bad.  I hate to admit this, but I am looking forward to this weekend, because she will be at her father's house.  I know that is horrible to even think, but it is true. 

 

Re: Sassy 9 year old DD

  • I bet you're right -- she's looking for attention.  Could there maybe be something going on that is stressing her out?  I'd find some quality time for her and see if you can get her talking. 

    And Little Miss can make her own breakfast for a little while! 

    I really don't think it is horrible for you to have a little break.  Everyone needs one!

    .
  • It might not be your style but we use spankings if the talking, redirecting, removing favorite toys/activities, grounding, etc hasn't worked.

    My son is 9 and popped off to me like that at the store. I asked which snack he'd like for his lunch and I went to reach for the one I thought he liked the most and he said "Geez! Just pick whatever you want. You do it anyway!" POP! right on the butt and I got eye to eye within seconds. I told him "Who do you think you're talking to? You are never allowed to speak to me that way. EVER! I will pop that butt far worse than this if you EVER think you can speak to me in a less than civil manner. Don't mistake generousity for weakness and don't assume that just because I buy you snacks today means you'll get them everytime we go to the store."

    Being consistent is key. If you make a threat to take away, remove something, deliver a punishment for bad behavior and don't follow through then she's pulled your punk card.

    Now, I'm not saying we spank all the time, every day, 24/7. It's rarely used. Now we are at the point if my son knows he's misbehaved severely more than 3 times in let's say a week then I will ask him..."What happens if this behavior isn't changed?" He advises "I get a spanking if I can't control myself or change my attitude." I ask him why and he says "Because if I misbehave or make bad decisions then bad things happen but if I make good decisions and behave better then good things happen." Ok, just so we're on the same page.

    For some reason your DD believes she is the same "rank" as you. It might take some reminding that she is a child and not an adult and she is to mind you and do what you say, not what she feels like doing.

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