Sonofab!tch. This Is Harder Than I Thought.

StrawberryAlarmClock

The marital counselor told DH that he needs substance abuse counseling. He needs to be clean before the counselor will even consider seeing us as a couple. 

DH declined the referral.

I know what I have to do. I know that at bare minimum, I have to insist that he be actively in recovery in order to stay together.  If he declines again, then I need to hand him his walking papers. 

When he came home Wednesday after Guys' Night, I was already in bed. Yesterday, he came home all happy and "hey, how was your day." I wasn't friendly to him but I wasn't rude and I totally wimped out.

How did you break it to DH? How did you work up the nerve? Were you just so angry it came flying out? 

All my friends have told me, "You're a strong woman. You can do this." So, why am I being a chickensh!t?

fauxshelley

You have to reach your end, the point that you know you WILL NOT take anymore.  When you do, you will no longer be "chickenshit".  You will do it with the upmost confidence that this is the right decision.  It's hard sometimes, sometimes it's easy.  It really depends on your situation.  When you get there, you will know.

Rozzymommy

You sound like me before I got pregnant. I knew my ex was a jerk but I was too scared to break up with him (he moved from South Carolina to be with me). Then one day he attacked me  while I was pregnant and had had his knee on my stomach (he weighs about 220)! That was it. I put him out. I called all of my family to rally around me just so he knew I wasn't joking and not to f**k with me. 

You'll reach your breaking point and find the strength you need. 

achase123

I agree with your friends....you need to bite the bullet and DO IT already.  You've been in limbo and unhappy for a long time.  You need to decide that you're worth more than this, until you do you'll be with him forever.  Living a lie, living in denial, and miserable. 

Take the bull by the horns.

Mominator

I think you'll just know. Things were bad in my marriage for a long time but I just wasn't able to bring myself to do anything about it. One day my exH just walked in from work and I blurted it out, for some reason, that moment just became *the* moment. Good luck to you, I know how hard this all is.

fromthewomb

Write down what you are going to say first. It'll help you collect your thoughts and get over being scared.

StrawberryAlarmClock

fromthewomb:

Write down what you are going to say first. It'll help you collect your thoughts and get over being scared.

This would probably be a good idea. I'm the type of person who rambles and then after the talk, I want to kick myself because I forgot an important point. Thanks for the advice

StrawberryAlarmClock

Thanks guys. This is good to hear. I guess I've been looking for some sort of "formula": he does XYZ this many times and it's "hit the road jack". I guess we don't get married that way, so why would we get divorced that way. Thanks for the insight & support