My Situation...

bb_n_jp

So I've had a glass of wine, which is why I have the nerve to post this.  I'm a big believer in being honest and open, in hopes that I prevent others from making the same mistakes I make.

Anyway... "D"H and I are separated.  I went out of town for a few days to visit a friend who has a baby in the NICU in a strange city.  I got back yesterday, and was up with DS2 in the middle of the night.  I couldn't go back to sleep, so I hopped on our home computer at 3 a.m.  DH's email was up, and I saw that while I was gone he solicited prostitutes to come to OUR HOME while DS2 was sleeping (DS1 was with me).  

I found this out at 3 a.m.  By 5 a.m., I'd found several accounts he'd set up on adult "dating" websites as well as a lengthy email train with an ex girlfriend and evidence of a multiple-hour phone call. 

I woke him up at 5:45a and told him to get out.  So he's gone.  He left me a long, tearful voicemail this afternoon saying he was so drunk he doesn't remember contacting the hookers (and he was in charge of DS2 at the time??!!) and that he didn't go through with it.  I told him he is not to contact me or our boys until I reach out to him, which probably won't be until next week.

This isn't the first time I've caught him being totally inappropriate online, and I feel like the trust is completely gone.  I alluded in CW a few weeks ago to the fact that he has a major drinking/substance abuse problem and this is just the final straw.  

My sister is coming tomorrow to help with the boys for the weekend, and hopefully I'll have a little time to clear my head and figure out what comes next.  

I'm sad, REALLY ANGRY, and mostly just so, so worried about my boys.  I don't want them to pay for my mistakes, but I guess that's inevitable at this point.  And I'm terrified of life as a single mom, but I'll hopefully figure that part out (anyone want to come be my free nanny?).  

If anyone has any kind of advice, I welcome it all with an open mind and heart.  Otherwise a hug or two would be so appreciated right now. 

LV2006

Oh B, I'm just so so sorry you have to deal with this.  You are an amazing woman and mother and I know you will deal with anything and everything that comes your way with courage, strength and wisdom. 

Sending you a great big huge hug (and another big glass of wine, too).

 

MommySteph2009

Wow, you have been through a lot.  No advice here, but sending you hugs.

Dragonfly_Bride

I am so sorry, B. I'm sending you lots of hugs. Keep coming back for more hugs when you need it.

KellyMRocks

Again, Blair... huge hugs. I am here if you need me.

Not YOUR mistakes Blair, HIS! Don't forget that.  

I do have more to say but I am going to send you another PM. LOVE you.

mrsiegarcia

No advice just wanted to offer you a huge hug.  You are an amazing mother and your boys are lucky to have you.

MsPurple24

Many hugs to you, and I'll echo that you're a great mother who is obviously putting the kids first.  Sending you strength through my MacBook keyboard!

tri_bride05

I am so, so sorry that you are going through this. No advice, but lots of hugs and dust headed your way.

dblhappiness

Oh B! I wish I did have some advice, but instead a big, huge hug for you and your boys!!!

LoLoPanda

Oh. My. Goodness. I am so sorry you're going through this right now, and I'm sending hugs your way. I don't live too close (I'm in Richmond), but if you need a buddy, I'm here.

Celyn

I didn't want to read it and not post, but I'm speechless.  You and your boys deserve better.

AnyaBella

I am so incredibly sorry! I have to echo a PP in saying this is 100% not your mistake, but his! You have to believe that! Again, I am just so incredibly sorry for all that you are going through.

RevJG

I am so sorry.  For whatever it's worth, you can do this.  My mom was so afraid of being a single mom that she stayed in a marriage that she shouldn't have.  From the perspective of a kid that got caught in the middle....do what you need to do to find your happiness and protect your kids.  You deserve to be loved and respected.  Don't ever settle for anything less than that. 

GirlStylist

Speechless also Blair, huge hugs xoxo

SweetieP

Oh sweetie.  I'm so so so sorry.  I'm incredibly proud of you for being strong and kicking his ass out. I wish I were closer - I'd come over just to "be there", ya know?

 

Much love and lots of hugs and prayers!

tri-reader

I'm so sorry.  I'm glad you had the strength to kick him out and do what's best for you and the boys.  Big hugs!!

ZoeMay06

Just...wow...I'm speechless too. I'm so sorry. You did good to kick him out, that kind of thing is just unacceptable, EVER. I'm sure you don't see an easy road ahead but know that you are doing the absolute right thing. You've got lots of support here. Hugs to you!

gsbabygirl

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.  Millions of hugs and support headed your way. 

ashleyhuney

Don't know what to say, but hugs to you b

DGdancer

I'm speechless like most others...huge props to you for being so strong for both you and your boys. Hugs!

MrsCali_Bride

Huge (((hugs))) heading your way.

amberfernandez

I am just soooo sorry.  I've been through a similar situation, and I can tell you, you did the right thing.  Trust is just soooo important, and at the end of the day, you need to do what's best for you and your boys.  Trust your gut, it won't lie to you.  It's a very brave decision you made, but when you look back on this, you will be so grateful you were strong enough to stand up for yourself and your boys, because you deserve so much better.

fricksgirl

Love you, B.  I'm going to send you a separate message but this makes me so, so sad and I'm angry and pissed and sad all at once for you.  Big hugs, SO not your fault.  We're all here for you.

After your sister leaves I'll be on my summer schedule so we'll plan a day trip to come out and see you guys.  I want to hug you in person. 

Mrs_Shmoopie

F#ck.  That's all.  Just f#ck.  I'm so sorry you're going through all this -you deserve so much better.  {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

mythreesons03

Wow B, I am SO sorry, and pissed off for you. What a complete douche. You and your boys are not deserving of that type of behavior. Good for you for putting it out there, holding that in is too much of burden to carry. You will get through this, one small step at a time. Huge hugs!

Ang&Garrett

So much love to you and your boys.  You don't deserve this and neither do they!  I am praying for your strength and wisdom to know what comes next.

Mrs.BoomBoom

Celyn:

I didn't want to read it and not post, but I'm speechless.  You and your boys deserve better.

This. 

fjaril

*hugs*

my first thought, holy crap

my second, why is it your fault? you haven't done anything to deserve or promote this! he's the one that's made the mistakes.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. 

*hugs*

love22

I am so sorry you are going through this.  Great big hugs to you!

DandaLion

No advice, just huge huge hugs. I'm so sorry you are going through all if this. My thoughts are with you and your boys. And its not anyones fault except his.

marsnemmo

Blair big big hugs Im so sorry.

 

You can do this your a strong woman and great mommy those boys are extremely lucky to have you.

Big hugs I wish I could give you one in person!!

murphysmom

I am so so sorry to read this. I have no advice to offer, but TONS of hugs and support. You are so strong and your boys are so very lucky to have you. Take care.

danandkelly

Huge huge hugs B! You are doing the right thing, you're doing what is best for you and will be best for your boys.  They deserve to have a happy healthy environment.   You are a great mom, and being a great mom means putting yourself first at times.  I am sending you tons of strength, good vibes and hugs.  We are all here for you.

mcunningham

big hugs blair! i am so sorry you are going through this, but you can do it and we will all be here to support you. i will be thinking of you and your little boys.

Lexi & Orion's Mommy

big huge hugs

serendipityRox

Sending you all the support you need and deserve. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

quesarah

I'm so so sorry you are going through this.  Tons and tons of hugs headed your way!

scrapmama2201

Huge hugs, B!! As others have said, please don't think YOU have made any mistakes here. This is all on him. All of it. My thoughts are with you and your two gorgeous little boys.

kfishie

Oh B, I am soooo sooo sorry to read this and that you are going through this. Do what you need to do for yourself and your boys. You are a fabulous mother and a strong woman.  Huge hugs to you!!!!!!

 

{Also, I don't mean to overstep my bounds or proclaim to know the right advice (because I don't), and I am not sure it would help, but there are a couple of blogs I read about wonderful women who have gone through the same thing and have made it through.  Perhaps they would be helpful?  I am not sure and please disregard them if you don't want to read them.

Single Mom: Rocking it solo   (found out her husband was cheating on her and using drugs when she was 8 months pg)

The Foster Family (mom of twin girls after IF--Husband couldn't "handle" a high risk pg or being a dad)}

 

 

everydayeve

I'm so sorry, B. Lots of love and strength to you! ((BIG HUGS))

jsugrin

I'm so, so sorry to hear that things got so bad. Big, big hugs .  I'm so glad that your sister can be there for you right now, make sure you take time to yourself right now while you can get it.  You are doing the right thing, not only for yourself but for those sweet boys also.  You don't want them raised modeling that behavior, not for themselves and not as future husbands some day either.  I know it's going to be incredibly difficult but you will get through it and let us all know if there is anything we can do!