WDYT? I think I upset my MIL...

jaredandjenny

So I decided that I wanted two separate showers.  One where we live (which is where most of DH's family lives) and one at my mother's, which is where my family will be able to get to easier.  The one where we live I wanted BEFORE baby is born.  MIL and my SIL's and I all picked a date for the shower.  MIL is busy planning it and everything.  The other day DH and I were at her house and she was starting to put together the invitations.  She asked if my mother was going to have one too and I told her yes, after the baby is born we will most likely do something there.

Sorry this is going to get a little rant like...  Anyway... she just has this way of not really saying she has a problem with it, but you can tell by the look on her face that she is disappointed.  She would have liked to do one AFTER the baby is born.  My point is that DH's family lives close and we see them A LOT more than my family, so I figured they could visit us if we are up to it after the baby is born anyway.

At my mother's house for the shower, all my relatives are spread out so much that the reason I want to even have a get together is so my family can meet the baby.  We don't even get together for Christmas any more on my dad's side, so just want to do more of a meet and greet.

Well, I hope that is enough explanation, but was just wondering what you thought?  MIL had mentioned over Easter about a shower after baby is here, but that was just not what I wanted where we live.  I am definitely grateful she is willing to do it at all, but just wanted some feedback if I am being too picky.

dragon_chica

Your MIL's being ridiculous.  Stick to the original plan.

rhubarb123

I don't see why she would really care since most of your DH's relatives live where you do so would have an opportunity to see the baby often.  Maybe she gave you that face since you told her she couldn't (or you didn't want one after the baby is born) but now you are having your mom have one after the baby is born.  Personally, I'd probably give you a look as well...if that is what I had originally wanted to have.  Kind of shows favortism toward your mom even if you didn't mean it to.  Maybe it would have been better to just say your mom is hosting a "welcome baby party" after your baby is born so relatives can come and visit rather than saying it is a shower.

abba916

tell her if she really wants to host a party once the baby is born- then go ahead...you are open to a meet and greet...

too bad if you are showing favorites to your mom- she's YOUR mom...

I think your MIL is just being a PITA 

MustanGTbaby13

I agree with the PPs.... She will get over it. I am in the exact situation. My in-laws hosted my shower a few weeks ago here in Ontario....and when I go back to visit my family in NJ in august, my parents are hosting a meet the baby party. It just makes sense

ashleah83

jaredandjenny:

Anyway... she just has this way of not really saying she has a problem with it, but you can tell by the look on her face that she is disappointed.  She would have liked to do one AFTER the baby is born. 

So first of all, it doesn't sound like you and MIL have talked about this? If you haven't and she is going ahead with shower plans you could just let sleeping dogs lie.... On the other hand if you think she wasn't just biting her tongue for right reasons (i.e., that the shower is meant so shower you and DH with gifts in prep for baby) and instead was being passive aggressive, you could always bring it up - and explain to her exactly what you explained to us. Of course, this means you'll have to listen to her perspective as well :-/

Either way - good luck and enjoy your showers - I'm sure they'll be great regardless.

jaredandjenny

Thanks girls.  I am just going to let it be.  If she really has a problem with it, she would have said or not offered it.  I mentioned the reasons to her a while ago, but she just seemed kind of let down when I mentioned possibly having something at my mothers (3 hours away) at a later date after baby is here.  I know that's not all that far, but many of the people that would be invited would have to travel for it, so I wanted them to have good reason to attend.

bunnymama625

Def let it be-- it might not be a post-baby preference, but she may have thought she was the one doing something special, and now realizes she's not the only one.

My MIL pretty much wouldn't do any sort of shower (even just participate) near where we live b/c my mother threw us one down south where my family is. If she couldn't be the "wonderful mom who did this for us", she didn't want to so anything at all.

Her feelings will be mended when you have an awesome shower and tell her you are so glad you were able to have that BEFORE LO arrives

Latesha0911

dragon_chica:

Your MIL's being ridiculous.  Stick to the original plan.

Just speaking from personal experience, my mom likes to make those pitiful faces and act like I upset her whole life when she doesn't get her way. I don't fall for it. Your reasoning behind the number and timing of your two showers is perfectly reasonable to me.

Sarahbear621

dragon_chica:

Your MIL's being ridiculous.  Stick to the original plan.

 

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