RP - Moms of 2 or more - Please help with bedtime for DC and new baby!

Meggie1129

XP -

Ok, I am only five months pregnant but I am really freaking out about this right now. DS will be about 3 1/2 when the new baby comes in October. My concern is being able to keep his bedtime routine but get a new baby down around the same time (once the new baby gets on a schedule), without it taking three hours to put the kids down at night!

Right now we start bedtime at 7:15 for DS. By the time we coax him upstairs, get him in the tub, bathed, jammies and stories it is 8:15. We usually read him about 5-6 stories and I don't want to take that away from him because he loves that special snuggle time. I really don't want him going down any later than that, but I cannot logically imagine how we are going to do this.

When DH is home, right now we take turns putting him to bed. However, DH travels a LOT, so most of this is going to fall on me. Can you please help me out here and tell me how you do it, what works for you, how I will not slight DS, etc? Thanks!

MaxandRuby

My kids are (currently) 3 and 19mos. When DH deployed everything was on me of course. Bedtime took forever just because it was only me. I started with DS2 and put him down first since DS1 could handle being up later if necessary. As DS1 got older I also cut down the number of books for him. 5-6 is a lot in my opinion. My boys only got 3 tops and DS1 now only gets 1 book because it is a longer (non-board) book. He might get 2 if the 2nd book is a short one.

Honestly, if you don't want bedtime to last 3hr you need to consider shortening your older child's routine but the hour you are doing currently doesn't sound horribly long. You can also bath the kids at the same time although in the beginning for me it was a huge PITA but a lot of that was because we have a small bathroom. Now though, I alternate baths with the boys (DS1 is due for bath tonight, DS2 is tomorrow night, DS1 is the night after that, etc). The only time I really bath them together is if they are both really dirty.  You could also consider doing abbreviated routines when your DH is gone and then doing the longer routines when you DH is there to help.  If you decide to start adjusting and shortening your older child's routine you have from now until the baby is born to get him used to it.  Otherwise, just go with the flow. You'll probably have to work your older child's routine around the newborn's schedule for awhile. And you could always give the older child a bath earlier in the day during one of the newborn's naps.

It will be an adjustment but hopefully it won't be too bad.

flyingsaucer

You will be FINE!  I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old.  In the weeks/months before DD#2 was born, I was freaking out about how it would all work out (and feeling guilty about taking time away from DS#1)... but things have been wonderful.  It takes a little adjusting, but we are great.

As for bed time, my newborn would nap in the evening and sleep for the night a little later.  If DH is home, then we divide them up... at first DH would take the baby so I could have time alone with my 3 year old and do bath, etc.  But now we have switched because the baby is 4 months and going to bed much earlier.  The little one goes to sleep by 6:30-7pm now, so after dinner I usually go upstairs with her and give her a bath, etc while DH watches tv or hangs out with DS (the 3 year old).  Then we begin bed time with DS and he has us both to himself because the baby is already asleep!

Being alone at any time of day with both kids was a little crazy at first, but we all adjusted very quickly!  If I am alone with the kids at bedtime, at first I either let the baby play on her activity mat while I get my 3 year old ready for bed and then we read stories all together (DS liked to "read" to the baby).  Now that the baby goes down earlier, I let the 3 year old watch tv quietly while I deal with her and then he has me all to himself.

The thing that we forget about newborns is that they can not move yet!  Which is great, because if you stick the baby in their bouncer or crib for a few while you deal with the bigger kid, you know that they will be safe (even if they aren't thrilled, they can't get out).  The best advice that I got was to remember that if the baby cries, she wont remember, but the older child might remember crying and having to wait... so if they both need you at first, opt for helping out the bigger one (unless baby is starving or something of course).

I have learned that we all have to learn to wait and compromise a little with 2 kids inthe house, and I can explain that to me 3 year old and he is pretty good about it.  Things are really working out nicely and you will be fine.

Hope I am making sense and not rambling too much!

Pesky

If DS wasn't already asleep, I would sometimes just wear him in the ergo baby carrier or pop him in the bouncy seat while DD and I had our time.  Wasn't a perfect solution but realize that crunch time of the kids having the same or similar bedtimes doesn't last forever.  I think it was difficult for the first 3-4 mos max and by then he was usually out long before her.

sourapplemartini

well, at 3.5 he can dress himself. You can bring new baby into bed while you guys read stories (I have really cute pictures of this!). Drop the bath. IMO, there should be no "coaxing"-- bedtime is bedtime and I'd start enforcing that. 

On the other hand, you're going to have to scrap plans based on what the new baby needs at the moment. You'll find a new normal, and neither child will be worse for wear. We used to read 4 stories at bed, now we read 2 at bed and 2 before nap/during the day.

KristinKD

I agree that you will be fine! You'll just have to figure out a new routine that works for all of you.

DH mostly took over putting DD1 to bed after DD2 was born. In the very beginning, when DD2 was sleeping in the bassinet in our room, I'd bathe DD1 around 8:00, then DH would read her books and put her to bed at at her usual 8:30 bedtime. I'd put DD2 to bed whenever we went to bed (and in the meantime she'd nap on and off in her bouncer or Moses basket downstairs with us). Once DD2 was in her crib, I'd give her a bath in her baby bathtub around 7:30, get DD1's bath ready, then nurse DD2 and put her to bed at 8:00 while DH bathed DD1, then read her books and put her to bed at 8:30. When DH wasn't home, I'd bath DD2, then sit her in the bouncer or lie her on the bath mat while I bathed DD1, then I'd nurse DD2 and put her to bed while DD1 would "read" books to herself on the floor by the door (to let in a little light from the hallway), and then I'd take DD1 to her room to read books and put her to bed.

Ever since DD2 could sit up, I've been bathing the girls together, and it's been much easier. After bathtime around 7:45, I read DD2 a couple short books while nursing before putting her to bed, and DH reads books with DD1 and puts her to bed.  Now, if DH isn't home, I give baths, then read DD1 books while I nurse DD2, put DD2 in her crib, and put DD1 to bed. Bedtime now is around 8:15 for DD2 and still 8:30 for DD1. Ever since DD1 has gotten into longer books, we limit them to two a night. Having to read five or six Pinkaliciouses would take forever!

Reading this back is confusing to me with all the DD1s and DD2s so hopefully you can still manage to make sense of it!

winterOT

I was thankful when DD was born that it was my husbands slow season and that he would be home to help more (hahaha he was gone on business trips when DD was less than 4 weeks old) It didn't take long to learn what worked, and for us it was for DD to nap/play in the bouncy chair while DS (3-1/2) had his moments. Once DD started sleeping through the night we actually put them in the same room and they LOVE to share bedtime stories together in bed every night! I think bedtime goes faster now with 2 than it did with 1, which I can never explain but I won't complain!!