venting!

lilmomma130

i know people not getting what I'm going through is common...but my own mother!?? (she lost her 1st son when he was 2 years old, so I would think she gets loss)...anyway, my cousin's baby shower is in the beginning of june. my ectopic was finally concluded on may 2nd...which is when i feel the grieving process started (too distracted by medical things to mourn). SO, I told my mom about two weeks ago that I would not be attending. She was like, well, you know, she went to yours and blahblahblah. and I said, yes, but she didn't go through a pregnancy loss just before my shower....and my mom was like, well you need to do what you think is right for you..and I told her that I am still dealing, and seeing pregnant women and baby stuff still makes me upset, and I wouldn't want to be a downer. So, today I check my email. She was like: just wanted to let you know that sherri is thinking of you(my cousin). My mom had let her know about my ectopic pregnancy and that I may not be attending. Sherri said she was sorry and had fond memories of my shower and would love to see me, but would understand if i didn't go.My mom was like: theres still a seat in the car if you want to go! Her pressuring me is making me feel like she doesn't think I am right in saying I am not comfortable going. I don't know why she can't just let it be..I know I would cry(i just cried trying to pick out things from her registry to send), because not only is it a baby shower, I just found out my other cousin (who will also be there) is pregnant and is due two weeks after I would have been. And that girl is one of those people who just has a big mouth and is always one-upping people..and bragging and so on....just not a nice person--I really don't need it "rubbed in my face" that Im not pregnant.and she is and this and that..(im sure you can imagine)..

I told my friend the other day that I am really happy for sherri, but the other cousin--that just makes me mad that she is pregnant and I'm not--because shes just not a nice person.ugh.

Geeps

So sorry!  I totally get why you wouldn't want to go.  I just have 2 co-workers that are due in the summer and we are having a shower for them and while I am happy for both of them right now it hurts my heart too much to celebrate someone elses baby while I mourn for my own.  You just have to do what is best for you.  If family and friends can't understand or think you should "just get over it" then sad for them.  And I totally have the same feelings of being mad that some horrible person gets to have a healthy pregnancy and I who am a very nice person had to deal with this.  I chalk it up to being part of the greiving process cause normally I don't get bothered by stuff like this.

Thinking of you and sending my support for your decision.  If they don't get it take comfort in the fact that I do and I bet a lot of other of the ladies will chime in with more of the same.     

Samantha1110

 Ticker Warning

 

I think I would make the same decision. As stated you have to do what is the best thing for you, and if it's skipping the shower, then so be it.  They are family and they should be more understanding of that situation.  I hope they start being more supportive!!!

lilmomma130

thank you ladies for the votes of confidence in my decision (It makes me realize that I am not being overly dramatic about it all). And thank you for the support. It's nice to know that this place is here, filled (sadly) with other women who truly understand.

caren5980

I understand I have so many friends that are due in the summer and fall! i know i will not be ready to attend their showers! Your cousin will understand and you should not put yourself in a position like that. You have been through a trauma and I don't think people get that. Not only is it a loss of loved one it was physically traumatic to you as well. I am very sorry for your loss and that you mother does not understand!

EM0704

I'm sorry for your loss. I understand completely. I have the same rough situation coming up soon also. I hope your mom and cousin will realize what a traumatic experience this is, and back off! Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

yogiwannabmom

I absolutely agree with all of these ladies. Do what's right for you when you're ready to do it. I don't wish for anyone to have to go through this but I do wish somehow for people to be more understanding. So sorry.

bselirio

I am so sorry for your loss.  I understand your frustration.  A few weeks after our miscarriage, we found out that my sister in law is pregnant and due a month after I would have been.  I was so upset especially since they are supposedly "not able to have kids" even though this will be their second plus she is not a nice person at all.  When I was venting to my mom, all she could say is that I need to be happy for them, forgive, move forward, it is a good thing, etc.  I told my mom that she has no business telling me how I should be feeling since she has no idea what it is like to lose a baby and that it's only been a few weeks.  It was so upsetting that I my own mother wasn't understanding during such an awful time when I needed her support.  I hope you are able to do whatever you need to during this hard time.

lilmomma130

Ladies, thank you all so much. You all have such kind and wise words to share. They bring me comfort, and with that, a smile )

lilmomma130

so you all made me feel so great, that I decided to email my cousin directly and let her know what has been going on. That has actually been eating at me for awhile-- I love my cousin; she's a great girl. I really wanted to go and celebrate with her at the shower and it hurt me that I was RSVPing no and not talking to Sherri directly, to let her know, "yes I would love more than anything to be there and yes I am happy for you, but no I am not emotionally ok, nor ready to handle baby-related things at the moment."  (my moms email also kind of helped push me along too--because she told sherri: molly had an ectopic pregnancy and is still a bit sad, so I don't know if she will be attending.....WTF--a BIT sad. yes, mom, I'm still in high school and my boyfriend just dumped me, so I'm a BIT sad....I just felt like I needed to tell my cousin that it is more than a bit sad b/c if it was just that type of emotion I'd be there.) I feel like some sort of weight has been lifted off of me now that I dealt with that.

and, speaking of baby related things..I am still sending a gift up with my mom and wooo, that just sucks! I went on to her registries and broke down. I told my DH that he will be going to babies r us with me because I am not going there by myself. The last thing I need is to be alone in there and breakdown or some craziness. 

EM0704

YAY! I'm glad you feel better!