so what is the purpose of this board?

sharpie marker

Isn't it always a choice?  Ok, maybe you don't have a say in biological children, but being child free in general?

Didn't you (general you) make a choice not to pursue adoption? 

suntoto

sharpie marker:

Isn't it always a choice?  Ok, maybe you don't have a say in biological children, but being child free in general?

Didn't you (general you) make a choice not to pursue adoption? 

Really?  The cost of IF treatments or adoption will make it not a choice.  Some people just can't afford it.  Why is that so hard to understand?  And why create an AE to ask this and start drama?  

MandyBrownNoser

sharpie marker:

Isn't it always a choice?  Ok, maybe you don't have a say in biological children, but being child free in general?

Didn't you (general you) make a choice not to pursue adoption? 

Adoption isn't a sure thing.

At all. 

Texas77again

suntoto:

sharpie marker:

Isn't it always a choice?  Ok, maybe you don't have a say in biological children, but being child free in general?

Didn't you (general you) make a choice not to pursue adoption? 

Really?  The cost of IF treatments or adoption will make it not a choice.  Some people just can't afford it.  Why is that so hard to understand?  And why create an AE to ask this and start drama?  

some people can't have babies or adopt due to medical conditions, that is not their choice.  some people don't have the resources to adopt or have babies, again not their choice.  like pp said, why is that so hard to understand and why the fucck do you care? 

SeptemberBride'08

sharpie marker:

Isn't it always a choice?  Ok, maybe you don't have a say in biological children, but being child free in general?

Didn't you (general you) make a choice not to pursue adoption? 

You are a moron if you think it's that simple to A. have fertility problems that will never result in a baby and then to B. just hop on over to adoption and buy a baby. If it was that easy monetarily and emotionally I'm sure there would be less children in the system.

On that note as much I've always wanted to adopt prior to IF issues, however, why is it just because a couple can't conceive on their own that they are now obligated to adopt all the children on the world and pick up the pieces of the fertile women/girls who can't seem to keep their legs closed and men/boys who can't keep it in their pants? Yea talk about a punch in the gut.But this is what interfiles are "expected" to do once treatment doesn't work. I'm sure no one would tell a cancer patient whose treatment failed to go and work in a cancer recovery center so they can work with all the survivors. It's very rude and uncaring.

Laurakat81

Dr.Loretta:

I'm curious as well, since I'm a mod and various people have asked me about it on my moderated board as well as others.

I'm just curious as to what people here plan to talk about. Living a child-free life? Venting about pregnant people? Again, not being snarky. Once you've made the decision to end treatment I'm not sure what there is left to discuss.

I'm all for the board if there is a significant # of people who want it (which there must be because you got the Bump to set up the new board). I know there have been a ton of questions about it on multiple boards, so I think people are just trying to get a feel for it. Heck, we may even be sending people over here if we think it's a good place for them to hang out.

 

Nothing left to discuss? I don't need this board at this point and I pray to God that I will NEVER need this board but that really strikes me the wrong way!  If I knew that I would never get to have children, through medical means, adoption, etc then you better believe I'll be devastated and I will want to talk to someone who understands and gets how heartbroken I am. It's like saying its just not a big deal and people shouldn't be upset since there is "nothing" to talk about.

Joellee84

I'm really just a lurker...However, I wish you ladies the best.  Please don't feel the need to defend this board.  PP seem to want to passive aggressively start sh*t and make you feel bad.  I hope you find support on the bump : )

WhatsThePoint

Laurakat81:

Dr.Loretta:

I'm curious as well, since I'm a mod and various people have asked me about it on my moderated board as well as others.

I'm just curious as to what people here plan to talk about. Living a child-free life? Venting about pregnant people? Again, not being snarky. Once you've made the decision to end treatment I'm not sure what there is left to discuss.

I'm all for the board if there is a significant # of people who want it (which there must be because you got the Bump to set up the new board). I know there have been a ton of questions about it on multiple boards, so I think people are just trying to get a feel for it. Heck, we may even be sending people over here if we think it's a good place for them to hang out.

 

Nothing left to discuss? I don't need this board at this point and I pray to God that I will NEVER need this board but that really strikes me the wrong way!  If I knew that I would never get to have children, through medical means, adoption, etc then you better believe I'll be devastated and I will want to talk to someone who understands and gets how heartbroken I am. It's like saying its just not a big deal and people shouldn't be upset since there is "nothing" to talk about.

I just don't get why a bunch of women who will never have children want to spend their time on a pregnancy and parenting message board?

I mean- aren't they better suited to hanging out on The Nest where there's less talk about babies?

This board just seems like one big Pity Party 

MandyBrownNoser

WhatsThePoint:

I just don't get why a bunch of women who will never have children want to spend their time on a pregnancy and parenting message board?

I mean- aren't they better suited to hanging out on The Nest where there's less talk about babies?

This board just seems like one big Pity Party 

I like how you created an AE just for this, awesome.

I obviously can't speak for the others but

1. Most of us have been on the boards for years. I know that sulfa, mmariluh, and I were all together back on botb what seems like a lifetime ago.  And we've progressed through different boards as we ttc, then went through infertility, and now are moving on to a new stage. You're right, we could just move over to the nest but I know myself, I've made plenty of friends on the bump and still frequent some of the boards here. I just see this as another step in the "becoming a parent" journey- the acceptance that we won't be.  

Since the bump became a separate site, instead of just baby boards on the nest, there are plenty of people who never post on the nest so unless there was a notice on the infertility, mc/pl, and/or adoption boards they would never know it was there.

2. Again, can't speak for others but for myself I had the same fear.  And I do believe I said something about it becoming a pity party in this post. But I think we, the few people who have posted here in the last couple of days, have done pretty well so far to not make it a pity party.

There are some posts that might seem pity partyish but part of moving on as a childless person is acknowledging those pity party moments. Cliche but it's said "accepting is the first step". Acknowledging that it is really difficult to watch my husband interact with children is the first step in figuring out someway to deal with those feelings in a healthy way.

Outside of those few posts, we've had just general get to know you kind of stuff and posts on things like birth control, which is a subject that I know I'm at a crossroads on so it was nice to see other people's input.

 

XXXXX222

WhatsThePoint:

I just don't get why a bunch of women who will never have children want to spend their time on a pregnancy and parenting message board?

I mean- aren't they better suited to hanging out on The Nest where there's less talk about babies?

This board just seems like one big Pity Party 

That's okay. You don't have to get it. I'm glad you don't have to get it. Mandy gave a perfect response. A response that isn't owed to anybody, really. 

mmariluh

sulfababy:

WhatsThePoint:

I just don't get why a bunch of women who will never have children want to spend their time on a pregnancy and parenting message board?

I mean- aren't they better suited to hanging out on The Nest where there's less talk about babies?

This board just seems like one big Pity Party 

That's okay. You don't have to get it. I'm glad you don't have to get it. Mandy gave a perfect response. A response that isn't owed to anybody, really. 

g00dg0llymsm0lly

SeptemberBride'08:

sharpie marker:

Isn't it always a choice?  Ok, maybe you don't have a say in biological children, but being child free in general?

Didn't you (general you) make a choice not to pursue adoption? 

You are a moron if you think it's that simple to A. have fertility problems that will never result in a baby and then to B. just hop on over to adoption and buy a baby. If it was that easy monetarily and emotionally I'm sure there would be less children in the system.

On that note as much I've always wanted to adopt prior to IF issues, however, why is it just because a couple can't conceive on their own that they are now obligated to adopt all the children on the world and pick up the pieces of the fertile women/girls who can't seem to keep their legs closed and men/boys who can't keep it in their pants? Yea talk about a punch in the gut.But this is what interfiles are "expected" to do once treatment doesn't work. I'm sure no one would tell a cancer patient whose treatment failed to go and work in a cancer recovery center so they can work with all the survivors. It's very rude and uncaring.

Wow. As an adopted child, that is easily one of the rudest and most hurtful things I've ever read. I get that you're burned about not being able to conceive, but the way you said all that was uncalled for and insensitive. Adoptive parents aren't "picking up the pieces," or just people who "went out and bought a baby." They are loving parents who often struggled TTC themselves, and wanted a child SO badly that they made incredible sacrifices both emotionally and financially to be able to create their family. Obviously, you know nothing about adoption in general, otherwise you'd know that the reasons children are placed for adoption are far more various and more complicated than "their parents couldnt keep their pants on." What a horribly miserable woman you must be. I am dumbfounded that these sorts of judgements about adoption actually exist.

oh_maria

Not germane at all this board is. It's like having a cancer remission website with a forum for people who've been told they'll never hit remission. Why isn't this on The Nest?

XXXXX222

oh_maria:

Not germane at all this board is. It's like having a cancer remission website with a forum for people who've been told they'll never hit remission. Why isn't this on The Nest?

Once again, it's okay. You don't have to understand. If you truly want a real answer, scroll up a bit and read Mandy's response. If not, then I hope you enjoy the zoo exhibits. Make sure to bring water and wear a hat. Remember not to feed the animals.

MaybeMore

What a horrible person you are!

 

No, it's like having a terminal DX board on a Surviving Cancer website. To think that people who are in the most heartbreaking situations don't need support is selfish and ignorant.

 And, YES, I registered to post this.

(I've been lurking on the various IF pages for some time.  I'm not currently pg--gave myself my first-ever HCG triggering shot tonight.  I always pictured myself with a huge family and began lurking on the "moms of many" boards before I was even married.  Didn't quite work out that way, though it could have been worse.  We started trying when I was 22, and we've been blessed with two live births in 9 years.  We've also had at least 4 miscarriages--likely all viable, as the  HB will be going strong moments before the placenta is dislodged by my body.  When people express sympathy and horror at what we've gone through, I just tell them that I'm blessed beyond all measure.  It can be so much worse.)

luvmybundle

********TICKER WARNING**********

I visited this board and several others and although i do not post on them, there are many times when i want to say something nice and heartfelt to the ladies on here.  You all are so brave and caring and wonderful to one another.  I've learned a lot just from lurking here, and seeing what you all are going through, i've learned to think before i say things to another woman regarding pregnancy and children because you don't know what a person is going through.  it was from this board that i've learned how to be sensitive to my bff who can't get pregnant. before i joined the bump, i never even realized how deeply a mc at any stage affected a woman.  so yes, this board belongs here for the ladies who want/need it and i can't thank you enough for making me a more sensitive woman.

RebeccaY1

I totally understand the need for this board.  My husband and I have been married for 12 years.  When we first married we were both attending university and weren't really interested in having children.  After we had been married for a few years we started to want children, but were still in university and didn't finish until 2 years ago.  I had dreams of children and babies, I even started to cry when someone else would say they were pregnant.  Over the years we watched as all of our siblings, cousins and friends got married and had their children.  It was so hard to be supportive of them, but somehow managed to muster up the excitement for them.  I was so bitter that we had finished university but couldn't find jobs right away.  I can understand the need for a support group to help women that want a baby and just can't yet for whatever reason.