Advice Needed, Suspected Drug Use

EAng

I know I have posted on this board before about leaving H, but of course he told me everything would change.  6 months later, I am suspecting he is using again.

Short story, my H is an alcoholic.  He is a binger and can go months without drinking and then will go hole himself up in a hotel room and drink for a week straight.  He has a great job where he is in the field and doesn't have to show up to a desk job, so he can get away with that.  He has since developed pancreas problems and knows he can't drink anymore, so I suspect he is supplementing that addictions with pills.

The mood swings are awful, he has been sleeping alot lately, and has been on the road much more.  I have come across some things on his computer that lead me to believe he is using again.  I have asked him to take a drug test and he basically turned the tables and made me feel crazy for asking.

I know what I need to do for my daughter, I am just so sad and scared.  He is a great father, believe it or not. I do not want to take her away from him, but I do want him to get clean. We have done this dance so many times, I know I just need to get out. 

We have been very fortunate to have me stay home with daughter, so I have no income coming in right now.  I have very loving parents that will let us stay with them, it is just going to be really hard.

I would LOVE to make our relationship work, but rehab would be the only way, and he has refused that time and time again.

 I am not really sure what I am asking here, I guess I just needed to get my feelings out and see if anyone out there had any experience with this matter.  Thanks for listening.

sweetie0228

Let's say your daughter comes to you with this...what do you tell her to do?  What did you show her to do?

I think you know you are afraid, but really it won't be that bad. AND if he has a job that is earning enough for you to stay home you will be able to get chidl support.  You will probably still need to get your own job and income but you will be able to do this.

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achase123

I'm sorry you're going through this.  My ex is also an addict.  It's something that will likely never go away and it doesn't sound like he wants help.  I blog about my XH's addiction a lot.  I left when I was pregnant and found meth in his truck.

My advice would be to leave, or at least start going to al-anon.  You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

PrincessFiona9

I have also been through a similar situation. EX is an alcoholic and habitual drug abuser. I left him when DD was 5 months old. I knew I had to get out, because he was never going to change. I couldn't let her grow up in that household. I live with my parents now as well, and for the most part it's great. I am so much happier with my life now, and I know DD is being raised in a healthy environment.

gemmaschenk

Having a drug addicted parent around is not good for any child..no matter the type of drug, or how good of a parent that person is. My father was an addict, and while I love him to death..and he was the best parent he could be...it is NO way to grow up. If your husband isn't willing to to quit, or get any kind of treatment it is in your best interest and your childs best interest to leave. I know you probably have feelings for him still, and don't want to leave him because of the whole "we are a family" thing..and thats the way I felt about my son's and unborn daughters father...but it was what was best, and having the "family" isn't worth the heartache and pain that will come with staying.