He's seeing someone.

QS82

And I am too. So why has his news had me cry hysterically for two days? I actually had to leave work today because I couldn't keep it together. I've known our marriage has been over for over a year, but I guess I haven't really let it sink in until now that all the plans for the future, all the dreams, all the good times we had- they're over. Done. Finished.

He said that he realizes now that he was never really happy. That just hurts even more because it means I was right that whole time and he just kept prolonging the inevitable.

I don't have any right to be as angry and upset as I am. But I am. I feel like my life is crashing down around me. Thank god my little girl is a reminder to keep it the f*ck together.

fromthewomb

You're upset because it's hard seeing someone you loved happy with someone who's not you. You had a dream of what your and his lives were going to be like and this is not it. And you aren't over him. So stop thinking of what it USED to be like and instead realize reality.

BostonGayGal

You aren't over him, which is fine.  But you shouldn't be dating.  You are in a relationship you aren't ready to be in and probably using him. It isn't healthy or fair to either of you.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

achase123

You wouldn't be this upset if you were truly over him.  I recently saw someone who is supposedly dating XH. More power to her, and good luck to her.  I had no emotions around it.  However, I've been out of my marriage almost two years now.  It takes a long time-probably longer than you would think to get over someone. 

FormerlyAK

My ex was seeing his mistress and bringing her around ds almost immediately after our divorce. I knew she was around and what they did even though he won't admit to any wrong doing (he was bad at hiding things ... that is how I know the truth). Even knowing she was around all the time anyway, and I am very happy in my own relationship, I freaked out the day I heard she was moving in with him and ds (ds lives with his dad 25% of the time).

I think it is normal to feel that way when you know he has moved on like that.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

QS82

Thanks for all the responses. Sorry I'm only now replying- I checked out for a few days to get myself together. I realized that it's not that he's seeing someone- I haven't had "those" feelings for him for a while. It's that it's hitting me.

I'm going to be single again. The life I once saw in front of me is no longer reality. The dreams I once thought we would work toward together have been deleted from possibility. 

I've been handling all of this a little *too* well over the last few months. I've been the optimistic, overly-friendly, idealistic one. Just trying to make everything smooth and non-volatile. Focusing so hard on that along with my day-to-day responsibilities has allowed me to ignore my true feelings of devastation. I'm angry with him and hurt by his attitude and that he let our relationship unravel while I fought so hard to save it. His mood swings give me whiplash. His little comments are harsh and cut right to the core. It makes me feel like we were never in love. What I left out of my initial post is that when he told me he is seeing someone, he had come over to drop off M and was all "I'm so glad we're still best friends. I'm so glad I can still talk to you about anything." Then he's telling me he's been seeing someone for 2 months, which means he lied to me 2 weeks ago when I asked, and then tells me he doesn't want me to know anything about her in case I go onto Facebook to look for her. Huh??? I've never been the stalker ex. I've been hoping he'd meet someone and move on. I just didn't expect him to handle it so carelessly.

But that's not the issue I need to focus on. I need to work on getting ok with the new life in front of me. I need to work on accepting that the future I once had with someone I once loved more than I could imagine- it's gone. 

Anyway, thanks for all your comments and advice. Sorry this got so long!

emily0829

beccaga16:

I will say this:

I think it is normal to feel a sting the first time you see an X with someone new. Some feel nothing, but I know a lot of women who get that little twinge of pain or annoyance... To cry hysterically for 2 days is not normal. That is why I said you are not over him and may need to take another look at if you are ready to be in a relationship with anyone right now.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

I'm sorry that you're going through this.