1st time posting on this board.

adoubleu12

IDK if I would classify my anxiety as "Post partum" because I have been dealing with GAD for years now.  Having babies has just put a whole new burden on my brain.  I used to have major panic attacks, I was medicated for a few years, and with some help from my husband, I learned how to control my panic attacks.  I stopped taking Lexapro ans Xanax about 2 years ago.  When I got pregnant with twins, it kind of just brought everything back.  I had a few panic attacks in the beginning, just because I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to do it (as I am sure a lot of people go through).  I was constantly scared that I would lose one or both of the babies, I was always scared something was wrong.  I tried not to let it show, I have learned how to control my anxiety physically, but my mind is constantly running.  I had my babies at 35 weeks due to Pre-e and partial HELLP syndrome, and they were in the NICU for two weeks.  I was a complete wreck.  But I did better than I thought I would do.  I haven't had any major panic attacks since the girls have been home, but I really annoy my husband because I really don't trust him with the babies.  I really don't trust the babies with anyone else but myself.  This last month, my anxiety has sky rocketed, because one of my triggers are storms.  I am so scared of tornadoes and I am very afraid of lightning.  I live in Nebraska.  I had my 1st major panic attack since the girls have been home was two weeks ago when there was a storm that was producing tornadoes heading in my direction.  I was home by myself with the babies.  The storm came over, it was just a lot of wind and rain.   Ever since that night, I have kind of been on edge.  Feeling that tight feeling in my chest again just brought everything back.  These last two weeks more than ever, I find myself having all of those catastrophic thoughts especially about the babies.  I had them before, but they never took over like this.  I haven't slept in my bed, I sleep in the nursery. I really don't want to go through being medicated again.  I had a talk with my husband last night, I kind of let him into my head a little and explained some of the thoughts that run through it.  I asked him if he thinks I need professional help, and he said yes.  I don't understand why my anxiety is back in full force, I don't know why I have lost my ability to control it.  I even started clenching my jaw when I sleep at night and my headaches are back...  I feel helpless, and I feel like I can't live my life in constant worry, and I can't be a good mom....I just needed to get that off my chest.  I am not sure what I am going to do.  Since I have been treated before for anxiety, and I just got on my husbands insurance a few months ago, I think it is still a pre-existing condition and insurance will not cover it until September.  Letting that all out felt good!  I think I do just need some one to talk to....

robbie3982

::hugs::

I'd recommend getting help ASAP.  I have a history of anxiety and depression and ended up with ppd/ppa/ppocd.  For me, it was different than before kids.  More intense.  I had less control.

I didn't get help until DS was 14 months old.  I wish I would have gotten help sooner.  It doesn't go away on its own, and for me it got much worse.

Even if you have to pay out of pocket, it will be so worth it to feel better.  You'll never be able to get this time back with your LOs.  I seriously can't believe the difference between my experience with DS1 as a newborn and what I'm experiencing now with DS2 (I'm on zoloft).  It makes me sad that I wasn't able to feel this happiness and calmness with DS1.

mrsbnlmel

I can totally relate. I only have one baby, but he came at 35 weeks after pre-e just like your girls. Between the hormones from pregnancy, the premature delivery, NICU, stress of twins, I can't imagine your insurance would call any of that pre-existing! But, I know how insurance can be. I agree with the pp, even if it is out of pocket, get help soon. I really believe the quicker you get help the less time it takes to get well. :::hugs::::