friends making unsupportive comments

RieTea

Today I had a get together with a group of friends. Since I'm 35 weeks along my pregnancy came up...no surprise. They all know I had a c-section with dd so they all assumed I was planning on another. They were surprised to find out that I intended to have a vbac and immediately started in on the epidural talk. I plan to go med-free. I have had chronic back pain since having dd and I am fairly certain it started because of the spinal I recieved for the c-section (muscle spasms that centered around where the needle went in). I got a few eye rolls but I think that I can handle 1 day of pain to avoid years of trying to get/keep my back from hurting.

Anyways - just annoying that they all think I'm nuts and there is no way I can do it. Gee thanks for the support!

Then later, I was talking about things on my to-do list this summer. There is a trampoline place around (kind of like a bounce house for adults (really all ages) and I said I wanted to go there. And one lady commented about how I wouldn't be able to do that this summer. When I was surprised she said that I wouldn't want to be jumping with my incision. I said I didn't plan to have one and she kind of rolled  her eyes/shrugged her shoulders and made a comment about you never know.

 It is just so frustrating! There is absolutely NO REASON to believe that I can't have a successful vbac (c-section b/c dd was breech). I suppose I can understand the "you have to have the epi" thinking but really, there is no reason to believe that I can't have a natural birth as well!

 So, if you don't have something nice to say that don't say anything at all people!

 

holly321

I just had my c section 2 months ago, and before that I had stated several times to people that I wanted a med free birth, partially due to the concern for back pain.  Other than my mom and husband, everyone kept saying I couldn't do it, and why bother trying to, how wonderful epi's are.  I ended up with a complete opposite birth, c section, under general anesthesia.  My spinal was placed incorrectly, my back hurts like h*ll all the time!

I don't understand why people must be so unsupportive! We currently are not preventing (really hard at least) another baby, will probably start trying in a year, so I have discussed vbac with friends of mine, and again I hear how c section aren't that bad, and vaginal birth is over rated, all from people who never had to have a csection, or miss there child's birth.

 

Sorry to ramble on about my own issues,lol.  But good luck with your vbac!

Treasa

I am sorry your friends were unsupportive.  That was uncalled for!

I have learnt not to talk about it much except around the people I know really support my VBAC intentions.  I don't even discuss it much with my mother as she has made it clear she thinks it is 'safer' to schedule a RCS.

I had one friend tell me I was being a martyr for even considering VBAC.  She asked me what I was trying to prove & to whom was I trying to prove it to & wouldn't it be just easier to schedule the RCS & not think about it anymore!

People can be truely horrible sometimes!

iris427

Treasa:

I am sorry your friends were unsupportive.  That was uncalled for!

I have learnt not to talk about it much except around the people I know really support my VBAC intentions.  I don't even discuss it much with my mother as she has made it clear she thinks it is 'safer' to schedule a RCS.

I had one friend tell me I was being a martyr for even considering VBAC.  She asked me what I was trying to prove & to whom was I trying to prove it to & wouldn't it be just easier to schedule the RCS & not think about it anymore!

People can be truely horrible sometimes!

Ditto. I didn't talk about my VBAC/med-free birth plans with anyone except a select few people I knew would understand--mostly people who had had c/s themselves. 

I'm sorry people are not being supportive.  If it stresses you out, don't talk to them about it.  GL with your VBAC! 

MAprincess

I was lucky that I didn't get much push-back from friends and family.  My mother was supportive of my VBAC but hated that I chose a midwife for the delivery.  Otherwise, most of my friends weren't surprised that I was going for a VBAC and if any of them had negative thoughts, they were smart enough to keep it to themselves.  The only question I had was from a guy who was in MED SCHOOL who seemed surprised and said that he thought you had to have a CS after you have already had one.  Thank you medical school professors.

tawillers

Ugh.  I'm sorry your friends aren't being supportive.

I agree with the PPs.  Avoid talking about your vbac with unsupportive people and change the subject when they bring it up.

RieTea

Thanks for the support ladies.

 I was actually surprised by the reaction of most of them or I probably would've kept things to myself. But they were asking and I'm a bad liar. None of them have had a c-section so I'm sure they just don't get it.

My husband is wholly supportive and I think he even is finally starting to truly understand all my issues and reasons and that is the part that truly matters.

So glad to have this board, even if I mostly just lurk.

chicsub

I didn't discuss my plans too much unless directly asked.  Bringing up the ACOG's current standing on vbacs seemed to be enough of an explanation for most people.  Sooo frustrating though, I'm sorry!

tawillers

You certainly shouldn't feel like you have to lie about anything.  I'd simply tell them you don't want to discuss it. 

mrsbookworm

I agree that you should definitely only discuss your VBAC intentions with a small circle of people who you know support your decision fully.  As soon as one of my friends starts talking negatively, I move the discussion to another topic.  Good luck to you!

gemmaschenk

I'm sorry that your friends are so unsupportive. I'm 38 weeks on wed, and everyone assumes that because I had a c-section with my son that I will be having another one. I contemplated it for a few days early in my pregnancy, but have decided that I want a VBAC, my doctor thinks that this is a GREAT idea, and actually told me that he would prefer for me to have a VBAC as opposed to having another c-section. I find it annoying that everyone would assume that I am having a c-section. Woman have more options these days and it just pisses me off that people have no freaking clue what they are talking about and act like I am stupid telling me that I can't have a normal birth. Very annoying.

twailight1

I am sorry mama.

 I don't think that most people realize how dangerous a c-section is.  I sure as hell didn't when I elected for my second son to be delivered via csection.  I am pregnant with my 3rd and it was actually my OB who told me to do some research before I decided on what was best for me (rcs or VBAC).

After over 300 hours of research, I can safely debate with anyone who tries to tell me that a rcs is what's best for me.  None of their business to tell me what's best for me anyway or to pass judgement on me.  Try telling them that.  I love the fact that I am doing what is best for me and not just being a sheep and doing what someone else wants me to.

You will have a successful VBAC and get all these negative feelings out now so when it's time to go in and do your thing, you are ready.  I must practice what I preach as well

Hugs mama and good luck!

RandiDeeAnn

I am seriously thinking about asking my doctor about "scheduling" a RCS for like 42-43 weeks so I have a date to give people who ask when my c/s is going to be. I guess you could just say "Oh the due date is xx/xx/xx."

roonarpia+1

I know how you feel, I say SCREW em'!  I think you are awesome for doing a VBAC!