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Washington Babies
Seperation Anxiety
DS has it bad. He's upset if I walk away from him, and freaks if I walk past him without picking him up. He wouldn't let go of my neck in swim class and he loved the pool the other times we've been. More freak out when I set him in his car seat too. I know babies get it and it's usually just a phase, but wow it sucks. He's started rolling around the room to get something he wants. I thought I remember hearing that when they get mobile, the sa can start up.
My question is: Do I go to him and pick him up when he's like that or carry about my business while talking to him that's it's ok, I'm right here? I've been doing the later which I'm affraid is making it worse. I don't leave him for good, just I have to get other important things done like feed the other humans and pets.
I'm worried he's going to be awful for dh tonight while I have to be away over night. Dh is great with him, but can get easily frustrated with crying/ whining.
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Re: Seperation Anxiety
Ella seemed to have it pretty bad from about 10-14 months and she seems to be doing better now! That was also right before/ while she was working on her molars and now that she has all of them she's been much more pleasant.
I dont' know what the right answer is, but I would usually pick her up and try to get her calmed down and then play with her on the floor in the room I wanted to get something done in. Once we played on the floor for a couple minutes sometimes I could stand up without her crying, other times whatever I was trying to do just waited until she went to bed.
She never really had problems when I left her with my parents or DH, once I left. Sometimes me leaving was quite upsetting, but she'd get over it within a couple minutes and I always said bye to her because I didn't want her to be worried that I'd leave without telling her in the future.
I feel like the older she gets, the less I am able to get done while she's awake! I can't wait until she will actually sit and watch a cartoon so I can get stuff done! haha! Right now, I just try to do everything while she's napping or in bed for the night.
It's hard. Cooper's still not great although he's MUCH better than he used to be. I think "they" say to make sure you always tell them when you're leaving and when you'll be back. Never sneak out. So even if I'm just running upstairs to grab something, or just running to the bathroom, I say "I'm going to go get my socks and I'll be right back" or whatever... and when I come back if he's been upset I say "I know you were sad, but I always come back". I have no idea if this stuff helps, but it seems like the right thing to do to tell them what to expect.
Also I think it's good to make sure you spend some really good very focused time with them. Make sure that you the time with them is really good, so that they're not needing you in the off times... I think that's the theory anyway.
Cooper has definitely stopped wigging out if I go upstairs or if I leave him with DH. He still wigs out if I leave him with other people though. I need to start working on the "other people" thing so we can get sitters!
As for worrying about him being awful with DH, don't worry. He's the father. He can parent through hard times too.
Just commiserating. How I react depends on how desperately I need to get that other thing done or how fast it is. If I'm going to work, I'll take him and give him a hug and kiss, hand him back to the nanny, and wave bye-bye even if he cries. If it's a quick load of laundry, ditto SJ, I wave bye bye and tell him I'll be back, and hurry back and give him lots of love. If he's really bad, I strap him to my back while doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc., and he just loves hanging out watching me.
The real fun was when I told this to my mom. Her response? "Yup, that's because you left him all day when you went to SF for work." Uh, no, mom, all babies go through it. But thanks for finding the exact thing that I harbor guilt about, and digging your finger in the wound.
I'm going to make an AWESOME big brother.
I hope your night away went ok!
We are dealing with MAJOR sep. anxiety right now as well! I also always tell her what I'm doing and why I can't hold her or stay with her. She understands so much now, I think it helps a tiny bit. I also will let her fuss a while if I'm doing something important like making lunch, putting wet laundry in the dryer, etc. But when she starts seriously crying I always comfort her. I try to spread my chores across the entire day, so between each chore we have some good quality one-on-one time. My sense is that there isn't a way to avoid sep. anxiety, you just have to cope as best you can!