Feeling guilty about wanting another child

holly321

I have a daughter who is 8 weeks old, and my husband and I have not been trying really hard to not get pregnant again.  I go back to my ob in a few months to get on bc then.  We have sort of discussed the fact that we really don't mind if we get pregnant again, but we aren't going to ttc until at least a year from now. 

I have mentioned to a few friends and family that it wouldn't be a bad thing if I got pregnant again, and they are all making me feel really guilty, like I don't appreciate dd enough, like she isn't enough.  

So I guess I am wondering if you feel having your children close together took away  from your first child, like everyone is trying to convince me it will.

Arielle27

We only have one, so I can't answer your question, but I just wanted to say that you wouln't feel guilty about wanting to have and care for and love two children! We haven't been preventing since I gave birth and wouldn't have minded getting pregnant right away (now we are actively trying!).

People all have different expectations, experiences and thoughts on the subject. You and your DH have to do what is right for YOU.

ShannonSky

Arielle27:

We only have one, so I can't answer your question, but I just wanted to say that you wouln't feel guilty about wanting to have and care for and love two children! We haven't been preventing since I gave birth and wouldn't have minded getting pregnant right away (now we are actively trying!).

People all have different expectations, experiences and thoughts on the subject. You and your DH have to do what is right for YOU.

ITA. IMO, closer ages seem to make siblings closer (in my own experience, my brother is 5 years younger than me and we still don't have any meaningful relationship). I'm happy DD will have a sister she'll be close in age to!

roundtheworldgirl

I think this argument is ridiculous.  It's as though people think that we only have so much love to give, and that one-on-one attention = love.  I think a sibling is a fantastic gift to give your child (I have four of them, so perhaps I'm biased there).  And honestly, if anything, I feel like DD2 is the one who is getting shorted.  They still both get lots of attention - I SAH, which I think helps a lot.  But it's true that I'm usually interacting with both of them at the same time.  And because DD1 is active now (she's 19.5 months old), DD2 (7 months) definitely gets plopped into the jumper while I go run after DD1.

But I think this is always going to be the case if you have more than one child, unless you wait until child #1 is in school. But that age gap is bigger than I personally would like.  I agree with the pp who said that a smaller age gap means the siblings are likely to be better friends.  My nearest sibling is three years younger than me, and we are close, but not as close as my brother and sister, who are two years apart. 

 

 

PhilsWife07

I have to be honest, I think it did. I was sick throughout my entire pregnancy with DS2 and was unable to play with him like I would have liked to. Then DS2 was born and naturally his one on one time with me was decreased even further. It's just now getting to the point where we can have more time together one on one but I definitely wish I had had a little more time where it was just the three of us.

kcisthebombdotcom

I dont think I take anything away from my oldest at all. I do everything I did with him before I had DD, except I do it with a baby on my lap.   I think it would have been tougher to go through pregnancy while he was an older toddler that needed more stimulation physically and mentally-when I was feeling the worst, he was sleeping so often that I got a lot of rest too. I feel like with them so close, I can teach them at the same time and they will learn things from each other. I think there's so many benefits to having kids close that the few downfalls don't take away from it. Many kids go to daycare and don't get 1 on 1 attention all day and live to tell the tale.

kristalovesjared

You should not feel guilty. It doesn't matter how many children you have and how close they are in age, I'd think you'd love them all the same! Sometimes I think it would have been easier to have them a year apart rather than 2! and you'll get all the sleepless nights out a year sooner!

harmony8283

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty! Do what works for YOU & your DH!  We are in the same position right now, not actively trying, but not preventing either.  We plan to start actively trying the beginning of next year, but if God chooses to bless us earlier we would be happily surprised!  

J&JSuiter070205

Every one, and every situation is different. My son was 5 months old when we found out we were expecting again (DD was not planned but the result of ONE time not using protection). I felt horribly guilty, like I was taking something away from my son.  That feeling slowly went away. My kids are now 4.5 and almost 3.5 and are nearly inseperable--they do everything together. We get asked all the time if they're twins  I won't lie though, it was rough for a few years because they both wanted everything at the same time, but now we're prego with #3 (and last) and are going to do it all over again  

sarie1621

PhilsWife07:

I have to be honest, I think it did. I was sick throughout my entire pregnancy with DS2 and was unable to play with him like I would have liked to. Then DS2 was born and naturally his one on one time with me was decreased even further. It's just now getting to the point where we can have more time together one on one but I definitely wish I had had a little more time where it was just the three of us.

This.

It's been a little difficult to enjoy DD and all her new milestones because I'm constantly sick and tired.

However, it's no ones business to make you feel guilty for when you have your children or how far apart they are.

I had baby fever after I gave birth to DD, partly because she was such an easy baby and my delivery was a breeze so I was ready for another one. Now looking back I sort of wish we would have waited a bit longer because she's becoming a lot to handle as she gets older and I can't even imagine what it will be like after we add #2 in.

sarie1621

PhilsWife07:

I have to be honest, I think it did. I was sick throughout my entire pregnancy with DS2 and was unable to play with him like I would have liked to. Then DS2 was born and naturally his one on one time with me was decreased even further. It's just now getting to the point where we can have more time together one on one but I definitely wish I had had a little more time where it was just the three of us.

This.

It's been a little difficult to enjoy DD and all her new milestones because I'm constantly sick and tired.

However, it's no ones business to make you feel guilty for when you have your children or how far apart they are.

I had baby fever after I gave birth to DD, partly because she was such an easy baby and my delivery was a breeze so I was ready for another one. Now looking back I sort of wish we would have waited a bit longer because she's becoming a lot to handle as she gets older and I can't even imagine what it will be like after we add #2 in.