multiple c/s moms please come in

manbearpig31610

When my DD was born I had a lot of help from my family. My mother was here everyday from the time DH left for work until he came home. Unfortunately, my mother is no longer in the best health and I absolutely refuse to rely on her for any help (she can't really give it but I know she will try). LO#2 is due in Nov and due to the time of year DH can only take off 1 week. Most of my friends are SAHMs as well and have offered to help, while I am recovering, but they have their own stuff going on and I feel abd asking for help unless I know I will need it. So, my question is this: With a newborn and a 19 month old, how realistic is it to think I will be able to handle things on my own, beginning 1 week after the c/s? If you've had a c/s, with a toddler at home what were your struggles and what can I do to prepare? If you were in my situation, how long would you arrange to have help, at home, post c/s? TIA for any advice!

MamatoJackson

Well, mine were much closer together and the main issue I had was picking DS up.  He was almost 12 months when DD was born.  I did begin picking DS up 1 week post-partum but I really shouldn't have, probably.  I would arrange for help for one additional week and then I think you'll be fine.  I know it's hard to ask for help but better to pre-arranged it than to be scrambling, when you need it, and unable to get it or inconveniencing people because you didn't give them advance notice.  Good luck and congrats!

lmjt

I will be in this situation in September, so right now I can't answer personally, but one of my very close friends just had her 2nd child, and she temporarily hired a nanny to help her while her DH is working. The nanny helps her lift, carry and occupy the toddler, and she can concentrate on the baby. I've been to the house a few times, and it seems to be working really well. The nanny came for a week before the new baby arrived, so the toddler could get accustomed to being with her.

Court0026

I was lucky to have DH for a week and then my mom for a week (she drove out for a few hours each day) and I did not lift DS until 2 weeks pp.  I think it is critical for recovery to wait the recommended time if at all possible.  My friend was on her own after a couple of days and she said it was not good at all.  Made the overall recovery longer.  There are some basic things to think about.  DS was still in a highchair, but I could put his travel booster with the tray on the floor if I needed to feed him with no help.  I also got him used to a step stool.  Basically, the crib and the car seat (but no driving until 2 weeks pp anyway) were the hardest things to figure out, but the longer you can go without lifting in the beginning, the better you will be.  Good luck! 

nsees

My DS1 was 3.5 when DS2 was born.  Between my mom and DH I had help 24/7 for the first week and a half.  I needed it.  My recovery was much harder the second time. The biggest problem I see for you is the lifting part because you won't be able to lift your 19 month old for quite a while.  I would suggest after the first week trying to schedule your friend's to come help in shifts.  Maybe one in the morning, one in afternoon.  GL!

MAprincess

My second was not a CS, but a few of my friends were in your situation.  One hired a nanny for a few weeks to help out.  The other accepted the help from friends.  My advice is to do one of these.  If your friends are offering, they want to help!  It might be helpful for them to come with their child to your house even for a few hours a day to help out (oh, and if people offer to bring a meal, TAKE IT.  That was SO helpful after #2).

kcisthebombdotcom

I had DH home until 3 weeks PP, but he could have gone back earlier and I had a tough recovery physically. However, my toddler and my baby are both really easy. If you get a tough newborn and your oldest has a tough time adjusting, you will probably be in hell 1 week PP, I'm not going to lie! I'd rather set up the help ahead of time then scrambling to need it personally. I would try to get some help at least for that 2nd week. Also, something you might want to consider is asking a SAHM friend to help with babysitting the oldest. I sent DS to my moms about 8 hours a week (2 days a week for 4 hours at a time) and it worked out well. I had some time to catch up on chores and some alone time with the baby, and DS got some more personalized attention.

In terms of managing them both, it's doable. I was still pretty sore 3 weeks PP, so I fed my DS many meals out of his high chair and he napped on the couch where I could get him to easily. You find a way to make it work-you just have to limit lifting your oldest.

EveryNameIWantIsTaken

Thanks for asking this since I will have a November baby as well and am worried about recovery with a nearly 3 year old.  DH will be home for at least 2 weeks though, I just worry about ds feeling left out since I won't be able to hold him.

MamatoJackson

EveryNameIWantIsTaken:

Thanks for asking this since I will have a November baby as well and am worried about recovery with a nearly 3 year old.  DH will be home for at least 2 weeks though, I just worry about ds feeling left out since I won't be able to hold him.

I wouldn't worry about this.  I had my c-section on Thursday evening and came home Saturday around noon.  Of course I couldn't pick DS up but I could sit on the floor and wrap my arms around him so he at least felt like he was being held.

Cutest thing ever... he wasn't quite 12 months yet so we figured that he probably woludn't even react when we got home.  We walked in the door and I sat down on the floor so I could "hold him".  He RAN from across the room and actually wrapped his arms around my neck, like a hug, which he had never done before.  I won't ever forget that! 

celiabwatson

You could also consider transitioning your older child to a toddler bed before the baby comes. Obviously don't do it if they're not ready but being able to get in and out of bed by themselves would be helpful in case you're by yourself and can't lift yet. We plan to transition my son before our baby comes because we need the crib for the baby, but he'll be 22 months when the baby comes. I don't know your kid though but it might be worth a try. I also love the booster on the floor idea for feeding, also maybe a changing station on the floor. Then you don't have to lift at all.

spiritenergy

I thought # 2 was easier to recover from than number #1. Number 1 was an emergency c/s. Number 2 was planned. The surgeon took his time and repaired damage from #1. I had help for 2 days with DH. It was fine. I was more than able to get up and walk around and do the things that I needed. I planed ahead with simple meals. I have a high pain tolerance, so I was fine.

sweetie645

I had a friend who had to be re-admitted to the hospital twice after a c/s because she was doing too much with her older child.  Scared me so much that I accepted any and all help I was offered. 

I was extremely lucky in that for the first two weeks home either my mom or MIL stayed the night on weekdays so that I wouldn't have to lift DS1 in and out of the crib.  After that, my mom came over almost every weekday for the first 6 weeks of DS2's life to spend time with DS1, which is why I think it was so easy for him to adjust...he never lacked attention b/c of the new sibling.

I disagree with PP that said to transition out of the crib.  I was so grateful that DS1 was still in a crib when DS2 came along.  If he was in his crib, I knew where he was and that he wasn't getting into things if I couldn't get to his room right away when he woke up (actually I prepped for this before DS2 came by waiting a little while after he woke up to get him out of the crib so that he didn't always expect me right away).

If you have no other options, I like what some of the other posters said about hiring a nanny.  It would be so worth the money.

Good luck!  It's hard, but I know that it's totally worth it when DS1 tells me that DS2 is his best friend!!