Getting serious he has two kids

Eldoradobride

I just turned 30.  I met a really wonderful man and things are going fabulous.  He has two children from his first marriage.  I don't have any children.  They live most of the time with their Mom who is remarried with kids.  But he is a great Dad and sees them at least once a week.  We are getting more serious and have started talking about the future:  moving in, marriage, kids...So I am very interested in building a good relationship with his kids. 

His children are preteens.  I am having some difficulites navigating the relationship with them and knowing how to start to get to know them better.  I'll be the first to admit I am not around kids frequently and they are a bit foreign to me.  LOL.   I've also never dated anyone with children so this is all new.  Any advice?  We have done a few outings together such as going to dinner and the movies. 

 

 

taagent

Honestly it takes time...there is no easy/quick way to develop a relationship, especially with kids (more especially preteens).  Are they boys or girls?  It may be a little easier with a girl because when you and she feel more comfy maybe you can have a girls day - get a mani/pedi, go to the movies and watch a chick flick (something dad wouldn't be interested in.  If they are boys it might be going to a sporting event that you like. 

I met my SD when she was 5, you will find rebellion at any age, I would just take it slow and let them take the lead, it is also going to depend on how BM feels about your relationship.  Like I said, it is a matter of time.

Mrs.Sesa

Definitly take it slow! Don't rush anything or try to be too "buddy buddy" right off the back. When my dad was dating and I was a teenager...I LOATHED when his new girlfriends would act like they were my bestfriend. I would like them and be cool with them and I think maybe they took that as a sign that they could call me their daughter. That of course did not fly.

That is the only advice I can really give. I just remember what it was like from the teenagers point of view. Just give it time to grow and don't push anything.

mscar1024

I can understand your situation.  My (now) husband has a son from his first marriage.  I am 31.  I'm not going to say it's easy having a stepson.  Many things are compromised and building the relationship was and still is not an easy task.  Try and find similiar interests go to a movie or out for ice cream.  Really think about if this is what you want too.  Having children in a relationship is a whole other ball game. 

Campanita

My husband has a 9 yr. old daughter.  He has always had custody of her and he's a great dad -- that was one of the many attributes I love him for.  But, I recommend you date him long enough to know the children.  It is a very difficult thing to do.  Make sure you enjoy the romance before you become a step-mom.  I went from girlfriend to step mom, to fiance, to wife . . . I love my husband but wouldn't do it again.  (Not in that order anyhow!)  Just make sure you take your time.