So Upset right now....Not getting a nursery

BK33

If she's 18 and she likes her freedom then she needs to live on her own.  I'm not sure what your H's problem is and yelling at you for any reason is not ok.  You are not his child.

BK33

mama livingston:

thank you all for your support. I really appreciate knowing that I'm not being stupid here wanting my home back for our little family. Again, it would be totally different if this girl was still having major issues at home with her mom and what not, but the fact that she admitted to staying because she's enjoying her freedom just seems to be too much to me. It totally oversteps the initial point to having her here. At first her options were either moving in with us or move in with her boyfriend, but because of our religious beliefs we felt like should be supportive of her and her boyfriend trying to make the right decisions for themselves. But I just feel like if things are better for her at home, please let my family and I have our home back so we can get ready for our baby girl.

 As far as how I approached my husband about the subject was just simply, "did you hear (girls name here) say that she wanted to stay here because she enjoys her freedom?" and I asked H what he thought about that and what that might mean for her in terms of moving out and back home. I have been complaining for weeks that it's not working out for me. Her and her boyfriend take our living room, our food and everything. They act like it's their home and they're the one's paying the bills, but they're not...she doesn't a dime to live here. So this is not new with me wanting her out, but especially when she said what she said, I was like okay...it's time to have this talk. But again, H is insisting on her staying. But serioulsy. where does being a good Christian end and taking care of your family to begin.

and just a side note, I trust my Hu completely. I know there's nothing funny going on there. His whole family is like this. I love them, but they all allow people to walk all over them all in the name of being good Christians. But I gotta say, I question where being a good Chrisian ends and taking care of your family begins. Shouldn't they go hand in hand? Our baby doesn't have a room!  I don't want to have to be exiled to my room next year when it's time to feed the baby. Maybe I'm just being overly hormonal today. Anyway thank you all for making me feel less stupid about the situation. I'm glad to know there are other's other who would be thinking and feeling the same things I am right now.

I would never let another single woman live in my house around my husband.  That is just innaproriate to me.  Also, her hanging around your house with her boyfriend is not acceptable either.  Maybe giving her all of this freedom is a bad idea.  If she wants to live in your house or her mothers house there should still be RULES!!!! No boyfriends in the living room and a strict curfew.  Since she's 18, she needs a job so she can contribute to the household.  Not setting these rules is only enabling her and in essence not helping her at all.  But at the end of the day she is not your responsibility and you need to put your foot down with your H. Being a good Christian man means being the head of your household and providing for and protecting your family. 

JamieJeanS

I am replying before reading everyone else's reply....but NO! You are not a terrible person, as a matter of fact I think you've been more than kind and giving to this girl who now appears to be taking advantage of your extended kindness.  And your husband is being insensitive to you and the baby.  You are important, as is your baby...yelling at your wife and putting her and your own baby second doesn't sound like Christian behavior to me. 

Maybe you could come up with an alternative solution for this girl via your church/pastor where she could stay with another church member until she is ready to move back home with her parents.  That way no one feels displaced.

MrsNyberg09

I am dealing with the same situation but its my 27 year old brother taking advantage of us. I share a house with my parents and my brother mooches off of my parents big time and has for the past 3 year. We are kicking him out of our spare room to set up for our LO and its time he totally left the house. He hasnt had a job in the 3 years of being here to help with rent. Parents say they my the 19th of this month if he didnt find a job well obviouslly he didnt get off his A$$ to go look so I hope my parents man up and make him leave.

 

Good luck with getting that girl out so you can set up for your baby girl.

WhitePicketFence

Were there any ground rules laid out when she moved in? What were the expectations that she was given, if any (re: contributing to the household, planning for her future, making amends with her family, becoming self-sufficient, etc.)? How was "temporary stay" defined when you offered your home to her?

If you can't clearly answer those questions or if they were never worked out to begin with, then I don't think it's fair to state that the situation isn't working out because this girl is taking advantage of your kindness. If this is the case, I think you need to sit down and have a talk with her directly, as well as your DH. Of course things aren't working out! It was a poorly thought out game plan without a firm exit strategy to begin with (only, of course, if that's what it really was).

I think it's somewhat harsh on your part to say "Sorry, I know we offered you our home, but I really think you should move out now so that our baby can have a nursery." If you trully want her to leave because she has overstayed her welcome or is not pholding her end of the bargain, that's one thing and should be addressed as such. Your post comes across as saying, " This isn't convenient for me anymore so it's time to hit the road." I'm sure that's not what you mean, but it's how I interpreted it. That might be how your DH interpreted your comments as well which would explain why he got upset. I'm not attempting to excuse your husband's reaction, I'm just saying that I can somewhat understand why he might feel the way he does.

I hope you are able to find a suitable solution for all those involved.

fabfive

jfgates05:

whitney1170:

I may be alone in my thoughts here, and I'm in no way passing judgement on you, your DH, or the situation. I'm in a similar boat (with my brother living with us) and BIL taking advantage of FIL in the same way, so I'm siding with you on this one.

My question is, why would your husband choose to pick an 18 year old, clearly taking advantage of the situation, over his wife and new baby-to-be? I would be questioning his possible feelings for her and the reason he seemingly blew up at you. It sounds like you brought the situation and your feelings to him maturely and without being confrontational, and he snaps? Something's not adding up. And to throw "being a good Christian" on top of all of that sounds like guilt issue to me.

I could be WAY off, since I don't know you or your H, but it sounds fishy to me.

This is exactly what I was thought when I read the original post.  It doesn't make sense that he would cast aside your feelings immediately so that an 18 can stay there.... I obviously don't know you or your H either, but something scares me about that situation.

i agree.  i'd be investigating....even the most christian of husbands can fall into temptation.  i've seen it happen many times.