New here...crazy?

kittiei

Hello all! My fiance and I are planning our wedding right now. The date isn't until September 2012. I've always just assumed that we would work on a family after the wedding but lately he's been asking me if I want to get pregnant now. Originally I had all these excuses like not wanting to be pregnant at my wedding (nothing wrong with it, just not something I want to do), not wanting the added stress of a baby while planning a wedding and stuff like that. But I'm starting to think that maybe those are all just excuses because I'm a little afraid of such a big change.

So now I'm starting to think why not? I want kids and when is it ever really going to be a "good time"? So we're thinking of trying to get pregnant...and we're thinking we'll only try for a couple of months and if it doesn't happen by then, we'll wait until next year. Is it completely insane for us to be taking this on in addition to planning and wedding? I know people do it all the time, but it just goes against everything I've "planned" for us...

I just need some people to "vent" (for lack of a better word) to because I don't really want to tell a whole bunch of my friends that we're trying, I don't need the added pressure of everyone always asking if I'm pregnant yet.

Thanks

Dr.Loretta

I think we need a little more information. These are all rhetorical questions, you don't have to reply to them if you don't want.

Why does your FI want to have a baby now?

Why are you waiting another 18 months to get married? Can you move up the date/scale back the wedding?

Are you financially/emotionally/housing-wise ready to have a child right now?

If you have a child now and try to plan a wedding later, will you be able to have the wedding you want?

If you're afraid of such a big change as a baby, how do you feel about the big change of being married? Or do you think of it as a big change?

It's never going to be a good time, but is post-wedding a better time, financially, emotionally, etc?

In my situation, I did not want to add a pregnancy to the mix. I was already living in another state from DH and trying to plan wedding stuff with a family that lived far away. We figured we had plenty of time. And to be honest, DH wanted a few months of us just enjoying being a couple before having a baby. You guys may feel differently, but those are my 2c.

kittiei

He wants a baby now because he wants kids, and he's eager to start a family. I think he's feeling his clock ticking He'll be 32 this year (which I don't think is too old at all).

 We're waiting to get married because this year just is too busy. We have so many other weddings and waiting until next year gives us a chance to pay things off slowly instead of having the huge wedding expense all at once. 

We are definitely financially ready and we have a beautiful new house we moved into last summer so we're ready that way. I think we're both emotionally ready too...well maybe I'm not, maybe that's the problem I don't really think of the wedding as a big change. We've already been living together for almost a year and I don't think much will change after we're married.

But you're right, I think that post-wedding is definitely better emotionally, for me anyway. I'm already a pretty emotional person, I can't imagine what the stress of wedding planning added to pregnancy hormones will do. I'd also like to have a honeymoon, just the two of us.

Anyway, I'm happy to report that after a bit of talking, I told him that I want to wait and he's okay with that. Clearly if it's this hard for me to decide, I must not be ready. He said he wants kids now but he'd rather wait than have me do something I'm uncomfortable with. So all is well and I can't wait for the next year to go by

 

Thanks for your advice!