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kyfirewife
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mini-vent re: whiny DHs
kyfirewife
member
I'm super-tired, so maybe this is unreasonable, but I figure if anyone can relate, you ladies can.
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DD has been sick.
Monday night I was up with her all. night. DH was on shift, so it wasn't even possible for him to help out (not that he would anyway, but whatever), so it was all me. She didn't fall asleep till almost midnight, and between midnight and 6am she was called out for me literally 10 times. At least.
So basically neither DD nor I got any sleep Monday night.
Tuesday I stayed home from work to take care of her. She seemed to be doing some better, but, as you mommies know, taking care of a healthy kid is a full-time job, let alone a sick one.
And while I had decided I would try to sleep on the couch during her nap, her nap was fitful due to her illness, and she only slept for 45 minutes before calling out to me begging for me to hold her.
DH got home last night and, yes, he did work a nine hour day, but after I made dinner and cleaned up the dishes and took out the trash, he complained the whole night about how tired he was.
When I said something like "tell me about it, remember I literally didn't get any sleep" he ignored it.
It was like he wanted me to show him sympathy for how hard he worked and how tired he was.
Then, last night, she wasn't sleeping well again, so I finally got her up around 11pm and slept with her on me, and the two us on the couch. Despite the fact that today is DH's off day, and I have a big meeting so I'm back at work.
She slept much better (thank goodness), but needless to say, I got very little sleep. Again.
DH, however, I heard snoring from our bedroom.
And, you guessed it, this morning, when he wakes up he whines to me about how tired he is again, and says he didn't sleep well.
WTHeck?!?
I was just like "really? Because I could hear you snoring from all the way in the living room."
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I say mini-vent because I'm not angry per se, but just frustrated. Are men really that clueless? I really wasn't expecting him to be super-sympathetic to me yesterday, or today. But I also am sure as heck not gonna baby him while I'm babying my baby either, you know?
I just don't get why men tend to whine so much about stuff like that.
Anyone else sympathize? Or am I really just so tired I'm being unreasonable about this by expecting him to at least just suck it up for a couple days?
****************************
DD has been sick.
Monday night I was up with her all. night. DH was on shift, so it wasn't even possible for him to help out (not that he would anyway, but whatever), so it was all me. She didn't fall asleep till almost midnight, and between midnight and 6am she was called out for me literally 10 times. At least.
So basically neither DD nor I got any sleep Monday night.
Tuesday I stayed home from work to take care of her. She seemed to be doing some better, but, as you mommies know, taking care of a healthy kid is a full-time job, let alone a sick one.
And while I had decided I would try to sleep on the couch during her nap, her nap was fitful due to her illness, and she only slept for 45 minutes before calling out to me begging for me to hold her.
DH got home last night and, yes, he did work a nine hour day, but after I made dinner and cleaned up the dishes and took out the trash, he complained the whole night about how tired he was.
When I said something like "tell me about it, remember I literally didn't get any sleep" he ignored it.
It was like he wanted me to show him sympathy for how hard he worked and how tired he was.
Then, last night, she wasn't sleeping well again, so I finally got her up around 11pm and slept with her on me, and the two us on the couch. Despite the fact that today is DH's off day, and I have a big meeting so I'm back at work.
She slept much better (thank goodness), but needless to say, I got very little sleep. Again.
DH, however, I heard snoring from our bedroom.
And, you guessed it, this morning, when he wakes up he whines to me about how tired he is again, and says he didn't sleep well.
WTHeck?!?
I was just like "really? Because I could hear you snoring from all the way in the living room."
*************************
I say mini-vent because I'm not angry per se, but just frustrated. Are men really that clueless? I really wasn't expecting him to be super-sympathetic to me yesterday, or today. But I also am sure as heck not gonna baby him while I'm babying my baby either, you know?
I just don't get why men tend to whine so much about stuff like that.
Anyone else sympathize? Or am I really just so tired I'm being unreasonable about this by expecting him to at least just suck it up for a couple days?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: mini-vent re: whiny DHs
Admittedly, I don't have kids - but this would not fly in my house.
We don't play the 'who had a worse day' game or score-keep on that stuff. And when one of us yells for help on something house related (or would-be kid related) - there is no 'too tired'. We're a team. I would've given my H about 30-40 minutes to decompress from work when he came in and then there would've been some clear instruction on exactly what I needed from him to give me a breather and get this sick child taken care of/house put together/dinner addressed before bed. I usually do that in a "In 30 more minutes, I need you to x, y, z while I a,b,c' so he knows how much longer he has to relax and what his tasks are - and als that I'm not being a lazy bum in the interim. Any additional whining or "I'm tired" would be met with:
"I hear you that you're tired. I'm tired too. But this needs done and we both need to suck it up and get the big girl panties on. If we make good time on it, we can chill out for a bit before bed."
{{sigh}}
If only it were that simple...
I suppose after asking so many times and it never happening, I finally just stopped asking...
Besides, my post wasn't about wanting or needing his help. I don't expect that anymore. It was about his whining.
This makes me very sad. My DH is great, but he's not perfect. And, he has his moments where I wish he was more sympathetic, especially now that I'm pregnant again. But I do want, need and expect his help raising our daughter. And he's in a draining job, on shift work, with an often unpredictable schedule that pulls him away when it's inconvenient and unexpected. But when he's home, he's a parent too.
Photo by Melissa Nicole Photography
You may not like what I am about to say and I apologize if I am overstepping here but...
You may say your post was about his whining but I suspect that underneath all of that it is really about his not being a partner in the parenting department and his long ago admission that he doesn't enjoy being a parent. I suspect that whole situation is very painful and disappointing for you. I urge you to revisit marriage counseling. I know several times on the board you have recommended a faith-based counseling center you like. I urge you to ask your husband to accompany you.
This is coming from a place of genuine concern so I hope you will give it some thought. Good luck.