??? Weekly Check-in ???

stargirl76 · May 2011

HAWAII NESTIE/BUMPIE MAMAS
4forluck ? Elaine May ? 09.20.07

MauidAims ? Kai Adam ? 02.16.08
MrsNFB ? Sean Patrick ? 10.11.08

kauai_luv ? Waianuhea ? 04.04.09
kshiz ? Ella Juliet ? 04.04.09
bigislandhi ? Zoi ? 06.29.09
Mrs.Ziz ? Bella Kailani ? 07.24.09
Hawaiian Honey ? Matthew Sebron (Matty) ? 08.07.09
MrsWinter ? Ashton Christopher ? 08.14.09
myday1708 ? Alexa Leilani ? 09.09.09
missaloha ? Ellery Lin Ka'imilani ? 09.13.09
MrsNJSwimmer ? William (Billy) ? 11.09.09
Trieulam - Kiptyn ? 11.12.09 & precious angel Kylie ? 11.12.09-1.28.10
MrsPresley ? Miss A ? 11.12.09
HulaLove ? Elyse Ann (Elle) ? 12.14.09

Married2MrWright ? Elizabeth (Libby) Joan ? 01.25.10
Sanae78 ? Kaya Akemi ? 02.11.10
SirenSong ? Samara Jane Florence ? 02.16.10
Mauiwedding08 ? J ? 02.10
Jaysgirljulie ? Ryan ? 03.9.10
LisaKeiko ? John (Johnny) Samuel IV ? 04.19.10
redshoegirl ? William John & Dashiell Thomas ? 04.21.10
liubride510 ? Kailani Grace ? 05.08.10
inamra ? B ? 05.10
rwright5 ? Mason Lee ? 06.03.10
supercoolnat ? Zachary ? 06.07.10
parrotgirl ? Mason ? 06.15.10
expatjen ? Kannan Aukai ? 07.05.10
lelekay ? Henry Benjamin ? 07.22.10
MrsIH ? Jacob Kenji Makai ? 08.28.10
Vanilla15 ? Adair ? 09.10
ECUPirate04 ? Lauren Hope ? 09.29.10
mrsnickandnora ? Blake William ? 10.07.10(?)
MrsNicole&Brian808 ? Hank Mason ? 10.20.10
eacerna ? Eleiana Makenzie ? 11.03.10
SanHawaii08 ? Eric ? 11.09.10
annasan_k ? Zo? ? 12.17.10Oceangirl22 ? Kenley Vi ? 01.05.11
kinibruin ? D ? 02.11
MrsZiz ? G ? 03.11
MauiBride2008 ? R ? 04.02.11
HappyGoLuckyGal - M - 04.13.2011
HAWAII NESTIE DUE DATES
July 2010
07.22.10 ? Boy ? RobynLeeAugust 2011
08.01.11 ? Boy ? stargirl76
08.11.11 ? Boy ? MiniWheats
08.22.11 ? Girl ? Hawaiian Honey-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Post updated due dates or gender reports here.
(1) What week are you in/how old is your LO?(2) How are you feeling? Any new milestones or news in the last week to share?(3) Next appointment date? Any big ultrasounds/other exciting stuff coming up?(4) What's been your greatest BR challenge this past week?(5) How did you start potty training? What techniques did you use? What age did you start? Did you use a baby potty or did you put a baby seat on the regular toilet?(6) Are you in a mom's group? Why or why not? If you are, how did you end up finding/joining it? If not, are you thinking about joining one?(7) Did/are you sharing your baby's name with people? Any particular reason as to why or why not?(8) What other questions would you like to see in upcoming check-ins?TTCers:  Which cycle are you on? Where in the cycle are you?  What, if anything, are you doing/trying for TTC success?

MrsNJSwimmer · May 2011

(1) How old is your LO? 18 months

(2) Any new milestones or news in the last week to share? had his first (what I consider) "high" fever: 102.4, so I ended up taking him to the dr. they said it was probably a virus.

(3) Next appointment date? Went to the doc yesterday, he seems perfect! Next one @ 2 yrs. Can't believe it's going to be so long til we go again. We are looking forward to his trying PB and fish soon!

(4) What's been your greatest BR challenge this past week? His fever. I think it was mainly due to teething, but the poor kid would shake and shiver at times (even with us using the tylenol to bring it down), and we felt so bad for him!

(5) How did you start potty training? What techniques did you use? What age did you start? Did you use a baby potty or did you put a baby seat on the regular toilet? Haven't REALLY started yet, but we bought a potty a few months ago, and sometimes he will sit on it (when we have time) before the bath. He occassionally goes in it, but I don't think he's ready to PT b/c he doesn't even realize when he's going yet.

(6) Are you in a mom's group? Why or why not? If you are, how did you end up finding/joining it? If not, are you thinking about joining one? No, I'm not - mainly b/c he was born under the H1N1 scare where they told us not to take him anywhere around people until he had his 2 month shots. Plus, since I had a c/s, I couldn't drive anywhere for almost a month anyway, and I didn't particularly feel up to it anyway.

(7) Did/are you sharing your baby's name with people? Any particular reason as to why or why not? We did, but we ended up changing his middle name at some point b/c we wanted to honor both our dads. Although I have to say that since we did, we quickly understood why people don't! There's criticism from everywhere.

MauiBride2008 · May 2011

(1) What week are you in/how old is your LO?

5 weeks, 4 days old

(2) How are you feeling? Any new milestones or news in the last week to share?

I still feel like a walking zombie and sometimes I'm lucky to even brush my teeth in the morning, but I'm slowly starting to feel more like myself as I feel like I'm slowly starting to get a grip on things.

(3) Next appointment date? Any big ultrasounds/other exciting stuff coming up?

Rawley's appointment is June 2nd for his 2 month check up. I have my 6 week pp appointment on Friday which I'm not looking forward to. I'm not too excited about having a pelvic exam, I don't think I'm ready for anything to go in there quite yet if you kwim

(4) What's been your greatest BR challenge this past week?

Still dealing with having a clogged milk duct and it really hurts. I try to put a heating pad on it, massage it and then squeeze out what I can but it doesn't seem to be getting any better. It feels like one giant bruise and sometimes I feel like it's bruised in my armpit. Luckily I don't have any fevers associated with this, but I will wait until my appointment on Friday to see what will happen. Is this normal??

(6) Are you in a mom's group? Why or why not? If you are, how did you end up finding/joining it? If not, are you thinking about joining one?

I'm not officially in a mom's group, but my girlfriend lets me tag along with her and her mom's group. Actually just today we went to the Aquarium since it was so gloomy and cold today. Rawley loved it The mom's were very nice too.

(7) Did/are you sharing your baby's name with people? Any particular reason as to why or why not

We didn't, other than you ladies and our close family members. Mainly for me, I was sick of people looking at me like I had 5 heads once I said his name was Rawley...after the crazy mustached baseball player I guess I don't blame them, but I was sick of the response so I just said we still couldn't decide on a name yet.

redshoegirl · May 2011

(1) What week are you in/how old is your LO? 1 year and 3 weeks.
(2) How are you feeling? Any new milestones or news in the last week to share? Sad at going back to work full time. That's really foremost on my mind right now.
(3) Next appointment date? Any big ultrasounds/other exciting stuff coming up? Today! 12 month checkup and vaccinations this afternoon (a bit late, I know).
(4) What's been your greatest BR challenge this past week? Facing going back to work full time starting next Monday - this is my last part time week with my little men. It would be hard at the best of times, but things are SO bad at my work right now that I want to cry just thinking about it.
(5) How did you start potty training? What techniques did you use? What age did you start? Did you use a baby potty or did you put a baby seat on the regular toilet? n/a yet
(6) Are you in a mom's group? Why or why not? If you are, how did you end up finding/joining it? If not, are you thinking about joining one? No. I kinda sorta went to one - for all of one meeting lol - but it just wasn't for me. I know this will sound horrible or stuck up or something, but honestly I just couldn't relate. The things that mamas of singletons stressed about in those early days were just soooooo different to the things that I stressed about with two kids. There used to be a MoMs group in the area, but apparently it closed down a few years ago. I'd have been interested in joining that though!
(7) Did/are you sharing your baby's name with people? Any particular reason as to why or why not? We kept them hush hush until the boys were born. I actually didn't really care, but Ben wanted to do it that way and I was OK with it. I think he wanted to avoid the inevitable criticism.

lelekay · May 2011

(1) How old is your LO? 9.5 months

(2) Any new milestones or news in the last week to share? Not really. Henry went to a friend's house yesterday (with MH, I had to work late) to go in the kiddie pool for the first time. Apparently he hated it! He cried the whole time they were there. It was probably because he hardly napped at daycare and MH somehow forgot to bring dinner (and it was during dinnertime). Oh well, we'll try again soon!

(3) Next appointment date? Not until one year. I can't believe we're even discussing one year!

(4) What's been your greatest BR challenge this past week? He's struggling with napping at daycare lately. He usually takes two 1.5 hour naps at home in a day, but at school lately it's only one 1 -1.5 hour nap. I'm not sure what to do? He falls asleep every day on the way home.

(5) How did you start potty training? What techniques did you use? What age did you start? Did you use a baby potty or did you put a baby seat on the regular toilet? I can't even think that far ahead yet!

(6) Are you in a mom's group? Why or why not? If you are, how did you end up finding/joining it? If not, are you thinking about joining one? No, it's so hard as a working mama. There are some great groups around here, but they're all during the day/week.

(7) Did/are you sharing your baby's name with people? Any particular reason as to why or why not? Nope. I was soooo not interested in anyone else's opinions. I wanted it to be only our choice. I hate the way everyone thinks they have a right to try to sway you or even rudely criticize your name choice before the baby is born. After the baby is born, it seems like people don't comment (as much anyway!).

expatjen · May 2011

(1) How old is your LO? 10 months and 1 week

(2) Any new milestones or news in the last week to share? K is creeping along on the sofa more...trying to stand up on his own now without using us or the tables for support. He's also still got a MAJOR case of separation anxiety, so we're kinda glued to each other 24-7. Yeah, not so fun when you gotta do a #2 (sorry if that's TMI). (3) Next appointment date? 1 year apt. (4) What's been your greatest BR challenge this past week? Other than the separation anxiety, not much. (5) How did you start potty training? What techniques did you use? What age did you start? Did you use a baby potty or did you put a baby seat on the regular toilet? We have a potty for him to use, but he doesn't like to sit on it so much. I'm going to try having him sit on it right before a bath with the water running, which is usually when I can get him to pee "on demand". (6) Are you in a mom's group? Why or why not? If you are, how did you end up finding/joining it? If not, are you thinking about joining one? No. There are hardly any here. (7) Did/are you sharing your baby's name with people? Any particular reason as to why or why not? We didn't tell anyone in DH's family (it's tradition that you don't share the name until 11 days after they are born - when they have a Hindu naming ceremony). But, I did tell my mom, dad and sister

Married2MrWright · May 2011

Please add my EDD of 01.16.12

(1) What week are you in/how old is your LO?

Libby is 15.5 months. I also found out I am 4 weeks pg!

(2) How are you feeling? Any new milestones or news in the last week to share?

A bit overwhelmed with the news that we're expecting again, but super excited. Feeling tried, sore and nauseaus!

(3) Next appointment date? Any big ultrasounds/other exciting stuff coming up?

We had to reschedule Libby's 15 month pedi appt. so she goes on the 25th. I see my OB to confirm the pregnancy on the 24th.

(4) What's been your greatest BR challenge this past week?

Sore nipples and instant nausea when nursing Libby. She's been wanting to nurse more often because she's teething. I hope her molars pop through soon...they seem so close!

(5) How did you start potty training? What techniques did you use? What age did you start? Did you use a baby potty or did you put a baby seat on the regular toilet?

We did some P/T ECing when she was younger (around 5 months old) and was successful. When she started being more mobile though (around 10 months old), she was no longer interested in sitting on the potty (we have a Bjorn Little Potty and a reducer ring for the toilet and she's used both) and would have a fit when we tried to get her to sit on it.

Recently, I bought her a book called "Once Upon a Potty" and since then she wants to sit on her potty while she reads the book. She's not gone in the potty yet, but she's getting the concept. I've also put her in "big girl panties" for an hour or so each day so she can be diaper free (we also let her have tons of naked time too) and she's beginning to understand that only babies wear diapers. She's also waking up dry from naps and sleep and hides when she poops and then tells us immediately that's she's gone, so developmentally, she's getting closer to being ready to use the potty too.

(6) Are you in a mom's group? Why or why not? If you are, how did you end up finding/joining it? If not, are you thinking about joining one?

Nope. Everything here is geared towards SAHM so they meet during the weekday mornings.

(7) Did/are you sharing your baby's name with people? Any particular reason as to why or why not?

We did the first time around. She's named after our mothers so it was easy to share. This time, I am not so sure. We have a boy's name picked out already, but will have to do some searching for a girls name we both like.

(8) What other questions would you like to see in upcoming check-ins?

TTCers: Which cycle are you on? Where in the cycle are you? What, if anything, are you doing/trying for TTC success?

BFP! Cycle...apparently we didn't have to try at all this time.

kinibruin · May 2011

(1) What week are you in/how old is your LO? 12w/ 8w adj.

(2) How are you feeling? Any new milestones or news in the last week to share? uber tired. see below.

(3) Next appointment date? Any big ultrasounds/other exciting stuff coming up? prolly for check up on the surgery

(4) What's been your greatest BR challenge this past week? D has his inguinal hernia repair surgery this past tuesday. it's a routine surgery but because D is a preemie, he had to stay overnight at least 1 night for observation.

when they did the surgery, they found he had a hernia on the right side as well as the left side. the right side hadn't previously presented so we didn't know until they did the surgery. so he has a total of 4 incisions: the 2 in the pelvic area, one in his belly button, and one on teh side where the tools were inserted. =they are held together by dissolvable stiches and dermabond.

D did well during the surgery & came out of the general anesthesia without any breathing problems. apparently, babies this young sometimes forget to breathe and have to be reminded.

the recovery period though was pretty exhausting. D was so disoriented from the general & in a lot of pain. so he would wake. cry and turn red. BF for 10 secs. wail. hold his breath. turn purple. we would tell him to breathe. he would breathe. feed for 10 secs. wail. go to sleep. it was like that from about 11 am until 11 pm.

he's a bit whiny right now and whimpering.

(5) How did you start potty training? What techniques did you use? What age did you start? Did you use a baby potty or did you put a baby seat on the regular toilet?

(6) Are you in a mom's group? Why or why not? If you are, how did you end up finding/joining it? If not, are you thinking about joining one?

not in a mom's group. i'm so tired and busy through the day. but many of my friends and fam have babies already. i'm the late bloomer.

(7) Did/are you sharing your baby's name with people? Any particular reason as to why or why not?

didn't share with anyone. my fam has a tendency to give their opinions when i'm not asking for it. hahaha

(8) What other questions would you like to see in upcoming check-ins?

vanilla15 · May 2011

(1) What week are you in/how old is your LO? 8 months

(2) How are you feeling? Any new milestones or news in the last week to share? nothing new...crawling & pulling up all the time. also starting to stand on her own (but pretty quickly falling back on her butt but lasting a few seconds longer each day)

(3) Next appointment date? Any big ultrasounds/other exciting stuff coming up? need to schedule her 8 month check up

(4) What's been your greatest BR challenge this past week? really this past month's challenge is she kept getting sick. One week a rash, next couldn't keep anything down (landed us in Children's Hospital ER), then next another virus with a super high temp. On top of it all...teething! But knock on wood, she seems to have kicked everything and the bottom two are pretty much completely broken through

(5) How did you start potty training? What techniques did you use? What age did you start? Did you use a baby potty or did you put a baby seat on the regular toilet? haven't even thought about this yet

(6) Are you in a mom's group? Why or why not? If you are, how did you end up finding/joining it? If not, are you thinking about joining one? i did go to a mom's group once a week while I was on mat leave. it was really great & LO loved it. Plus it was run by a LC so it was super helpful & just a great place for me to go to without worrying about LO having a meltdown like she did a lot as a newborn or if I needed to feed her, lots of girls were in there nursing too. But now that I am back at work, there is really no option...it seems to all be geared to SAHMs.

(7) Did/are you sharing your baby's name with people? Any particular reason as to why or why not? We didn't and I don't think we will for the next one either. I didn't want anyone's two cents about it. So we told pretty much everyone that we hadn't decided yet. We did tell a few of our teacher friends just to make sure our names weren't becoming popular and we just didn't know it.

redshoegirl · May 2011

kinibruin:
the recovery period though was pretty exhausting. D was so disoriented from the general & in a lot of pain. so he would wake. cry and turn red. BF for 10 secs. wail. hold his breath. turn purple. we would tell him to breathe. he would breathe. feed for 10 secs. wail. go to sleep. it was like that from about 11 am until 11 pm.

he's a bit whiny right now and whimpering.

Poor little man. Crying But I'm so glad the surgery was successful! Here's hoping things will improve from now on. Smile

SanHawaii08 · May 2011

kinibruin:
the recovery period though was pretty exhausting. D was so disoriented from the general & in a lot of pain. so he would wake. cry and turn red. BF for 10 secs. wail. hold his breath. turn purple. we would tell him to breathe. he would breathe. feed for 10 secs. wail. go to sleep. it was like that from about 11 am until 11 pm.

he's a bit whiny right now and whimpering.

oh no! poor little guy. E seemed fully recovered from general anesthesia after a day or 2, iirc (can't really remember anymore), so I hope D is doing much better by tomorrow!

SanHawaii08 · May 2011

(1) What week are you in/how old is your LO? 6 months!

(2) How are you feeling? Any new milestones or news in the last week to share? pretty good! E had shots on Monday, but he handled them okay and has been sleeping well this week, which always makes me happy. he's getting better and better at sitting on his own, and we're starting solids this weekend!

(3) Next appointment date? Any big ultrasounds/other exciting stuff coming up? 9 months

(4) What's been your greatest BR challenge this past week? nothing really! in non-BR news, I really need to be more motivated about work. it's been such a struggle, i'm completely not productive, sigh.

(5) How did you start potty training? What techniques did you use? What age did you start? Did you use a baby potty or did you put a baby seat on the regular toilet? i've been wanting to do EC, but he's so unpredictable in his poops, i haven't really figured out how to get started. still need to read the diaperfreebaby site

(6) Are you in a mom's group? Why or why not? If you are, how did you end up finding/joining it? If not, are you thinking about joining one?

i went to some new parent groups while on mat leave, which were *great*. one was through a hospital here (not even the one i gave birth at - anyone can go), and another was through a baby store, which sessions led by ann keppler, one of the co-authors of pregnancy, childbirth, and the newborn, which was my favorite pregnancy book. they were a totally no-stress way of getting me comfortable going out of the house with E, NIP, etc. if he cried, needed a diaper change, was hungry, etc - all fine. very "safe" environment to learn to be out with a baby. also, it was super helpful to meet other new moms and realize that no one else knows what they're doing either! ann is super supportive and calming too, which was great for my personality.

now, we meet regularly with 6 other couples in our area with babies born within 1-2 months of E. a local non-profit matches you up and there are 12 weeks of meetings - we've finished those and are continuing to meet up just b/c. some of these groups have been meeting for years!

(7) Did/are you sharing your baby's name with people? Any particular reason as to why or why not?

nope, we didn't decide until 2 days after E was born! but we didn't share our top choices either, we weren't interested in anyone else's opinions!

MauiWedding08 · May 2011

(1) What week are you in/how old is your LO? almost 15mo(2) How are you feeling? Any new milestones or news in the last week to share? J had a double ear infection this/last week healed up with mullien and garlic oil and he was also prescribed some other drops to help with the pain. (had an abx script on hand but didn't need it). He had a low grade fever or else I probably would not have known, he must have high pain tolerance like his parents And he went to the chiro.(3) Next appointment date? Any big ultrasounds/other exciting stuff coming up? 18mo well child(4) What's been your greatest BR challenge this past week? the ear infection and being SUPER busy at work (both of us) so we needed back up care on Monday to give him one more day to get better and tmrw b/c his daycare is closed for the annual teacher training retreat. (5) How did you start potty training? What techniques did you use? What age did you start? Did you use a baby potty or did you put a baby seat on the regular toilet? did EC from the start. we have the boon potty bench in the master bath and an toilet insert for the main bath. he likes both. if we are out i just hold him over a normal seat b/c I never have purchased a special travel insert or anything.(6) Are you in a mom's group? Why or why not? If you are, how did you end up finding/joining it? If not, are you thinking about joining one? nope. at first i went to a group and did baby yoga but all that stuff seems to meet during the weekdays. (7) Did/are you sharing your baby's name with people? Any particular reason as to why or why not? no, I'm sure most people figured a "IV" was on the table. Since we were team green we did have a girl name too. We have since told everyone that name and would probably use it if we have a girl in the future.

mrspresley · May 2011

(1) What week are you in/how old is your LO?she just turned 18 months a few days ago!
(2) How are you feeling? Any new milestones or news in the last week to share?to be honest, i'm starting to feel like a married single mom again right now. i can't seem to get DH to appreciate the fact that it is work taking care of a child and not just "play." you'd think that he would get it by now....it used to be that if he got off work before me, he'd send the babysitter home and watch her until i got home. now she just stays until i get home b/c he's "tired" when he gets home from work.... but somehow he does not see that I am also tired when i get home from a full day of work and could use a break sometimes, too. it doesn't help that we didn't do anything different/special on mother's day. he did not help out extra with her at all that day. it would be nice if just for one day i had a little help with her. as for milestones she has started trying to walk downstairs by herself!! she will hold onto the banister or the wall and slowly walk down the steps. it is super scary so i always go a few steps ahead of her, ready to catch her if she falls, but she insists on doing it this way now!! if she gets close to the bottom and is in a hurry she'll then turn around and start crawling down like she used to.
(3) Next appointment date? Any big ultrasounds/other exciting stuff coming up?this Friday for her 18 month shots
(4) What's been your greatest BR challenge this past week?temper tantrums. she still has a huge fit whenever she doesn't get her way. and lately she has been wanting things that are a no no.... i.e. the bottle filled with milk with the lid taken off, the glass bowl, the ceramic plate, etc.she has also taken to playing during meal time more than eating and i now worry that she isn't eating enough...but i guess if she isn't night waking she must be getting enough somehow (she did nurse a lot more than usual today to make up for it). we also finally found a brand of milk that she seems to like (promise land)! so, instead of drinking only 3-5 oz of milk per day she now drinks about 8-10 oz!
(5) How did you start potty training? What techniques did you use? What age did you start? Did you use a baby potty or did you put a baby seat on the regular toilet?we started EC when she was about 7 months old using www.diaperfreebaby.org - there's a new site out there now - www.ECisfun.com - that is also good. we just use a baby insert on our regular toilet seat and i have a travel insert i take w/me for when we are on the go. we are almost 100% poop trained for the toilet now but no where near pee trained. today she was dry for 1.5 hrs so i knew she had to pee. i had her on the potty for 15 min and she wouldn't pee. i took her off and w/in 5 min, she peed in her diaper! so frustrating!
(6) Are you in a mom's group? Why or why not? If you are, how did you end up finding/joining it? If not, are you thinking about joining one?no i never felt like i had time when she was younger b/c it seemed like she was always nursing or sleeping and wasn't awake very long. now that she is older and only naps once per day i want to try to at least get her in a gymboree class or little gym so she can socialize w/other kids since she isn't in daycare.
(7) Did/are you sharing your baby's name with people? Any particular reason as to why or why not?we didn't finalize her name until a few days before she was born and did not have a middle name until after she was born. so we did not share it w/anyone really. i did share my top 5 list w/a few people but that's all. i think people always want to give their opinion on baby names, even if they don't have something nice to say - so in general it's best to keep it yourself until after the baby has been named.

Married2MrWright · May 2011

mrspresley:
(2) How are you feeling? Any new milestones or news in the last week to share? to be honest, i'm starting to feel like a married single mom again right now. i can't seem to get DH to appreciate the fact that it is work taking care of a child and not just "play." you'd think that he would get it by now....it used to be that if he got off work before me, he'd send the babysitter home and watch her until i got home. now she just stays until i get home b/c he's "tired" when he gets home from work.... but somehow he does not see that I am also tired when i get home from a full day of work and could use a break sometimes, too. it doesn't help that we didn't do anything different/special on mother's day. he did not help out extra with her at all that day. it would be nice if just for one day i had a little help with her.

I am so sorry to read this Jaime. Forgive me, I cannot remembers...have you two tried couples' counseling? Even just 6-8 weeks can do a WHOLE lot of good for the relationship (as long as both partners are committed). It hurts my heart to know that you're still feeling this way...a year and a half later. Obviously B loves you, but perhaps a relationship "tune up" with an impartial third party (i.e. counselor/therapist) would help him understand where you're coming from and what you need/want from him. And vice versa. (((BIG HUGS)))

mrspresley · May 2011

Married2MrWright:

I am so sorry to read this Jaime. Forgive me, I cannot remember...have you two tried couples' counseling? Even just 6-8 weeks can do a WHOLE lot of good for the relationship (as long as both partners are committed). It hurts my heart to know that you're still feeling this way...a year and a half later. Obviously B loves you, but perhaps a relationship "tune up" with an impartial third party (i.e. counselor/therapist) would help him understand where you're coming from and what you need/want from him. And vice versa. (((BIG HUGS)))

thanks, Lori. things were slightly better after my original post (how many ever months ago that was, I can't remember) b/c we sat down and talked about it.... then they were fairly better a few months ago after we had a big fight (not specifically about this but I can't remember what it was about) and after that fight he felt really bad and started pitching in a little bit more. it wasn't even that much (he'd just wash her high chair tray and put away her food for me while I was upstairs giving her a bath) but the fact that he was doing something just made me feel so much better. (at the end of the night after she's been put in bed and i finally get to eat dinner, the last thing i want to have to do is clean up some more!) but, unfortunately it only seems to last a few weeks before things just slip back to the way that they were I think most of the time I just accept things for the way that they are and I am ok with it... it's just when certain things happen, it's like rubbing salt in the wound.... like Mother's Day.... or the other day when we were talking about work.. I have the opportunity now to work 4 days/wk instead of 3. I've been really lucky in that I've been earning the same income doing contract work 3 days/wk as I was working 4.5 days/wk pre-PG. so I've been undecided about whether having the extra income to put away/save is worth spending 1 less day per wk w/her. I told him it saddened me to think that if I worked more, the babysitter would be spending more time w/her than I would be... and he just dismissed it and said "oh whatever. or you could work five days a week like the rest of us." I know that I am really lucky that I even have the option of working PT (and I have 110% respect for moms that work FT and take care of the family) but his comments really rubbed me the wrong way and I told him, "I already work seven days a week b/c when I am not at work I have to take care of Annalise." again, he totally made me feel under appreciated by saying "whatever" as if taking care of her is not hard work.

we haven't done counseling yet and I think we really need to. the trouble would be finding the time in his schedule to go... though I am sure that many counselors are used to meeting in the evenings or on weekends? anyway, I appreciate your support/advice

redshoegirl · May 2011

mrspresley:
we haven't done counseling yet and I think we really need to. the trouble would be finding the time in his schedule to go... though I am sure that many counselors are used to meeting in the evenings or on weekends? anyway, I appreciate your support/advice

After reading everything you've written, I think this is probably a good idea. I know he loves you and cares about you, but you obviously don't have the same expectations regarding parenting responsibilities, and that can definitely take a toll on a relationship. And in the even bigger picture, it probably wouldn't hurt to get some help to communicate the most effective way you can with each other, which is something that counselors are incredibly useful for. Smile

Married2MrWright · May 2011

mrspresley:

we haven't done counseling yet and I think we really need to. the trouble would be finding the time in his schedule to go... though I am sure that many counselors are used to meeting in the evenings or on weekends? anyway, I appreciate your support/advice

I do hope you'll look into it. Yes, many marriage and family counselors will do evening and/or weekend hours. Some will even do phone sessions after a few face-to-face meetings. If B cannot get there, I encourage you to go for yourself. Seriously. It will help you even if he's not there. Although, ideally he will be. For you, for him and for Miss A!

MauiWedding08 · May 2011

Jaime - I'm so sorry to hear about the unresolved issue. I really don't think you should have to "resign" yourself to the current parenting plan (or anything really...). Along with counseling could you try to schedule some stuff that gets you out of the house and forces him to take a more active role? I don't suggest that as a way to "get back at him" but just to make him respect that YOU have stuff you want to do to do and if you are not available he would have to adapt and do stuff.

eta - does your (or YH's) employer offer an EAP? I haven't used ours (and know they vary greatly) but based upon the contract review I know that ours and the others we considered during renewal cover employee's consult and counseling services for family counseling. Might be a good, cost effective way to start, and they should have flexible scheduling since it's specifically for employees. And they don't (and legally can't) share your participation with your employer.

mrspresley · May 2011

thanks, Lisa. I agree we could use some help improving our communication skills

Robbi I am not sure about the EAP, will have to look into it...thanks for the idea and support.

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