RO question please help

fromthewomb

I have one for me against XH and my lawyer said I can get LO added on it when she is born. But now I am totally scared that XH will try to get custody and since he is not allowed within 100 yards of my I won't ever get to let her see me be civil towards him. I think it'd be a bit odd if I never saw my parents in the same room, even weirder if they literally never talked. I need help trying to figure out what to do... I would just die if he got to take her away from me and I couldn't call to see how she is doing or if she is sick he can't call me.

 Plus he really likes his nasty beat up looking pieces of trash. I don't want her to think it is okay to act and dress that way. (I'm talking scary dominatrix porno on meth looking chicks.) 

BostonGayGal

Can you tell us more about what led you to get a restraining order against him? Do you have reason to believe he will be abusive to his child? Is there a family member of his or yours who can act as the intermediary if visitation is allowed at some point? Do you think there is a chance that 2 or 3 years down the road when the child is older that you will have less reason to fear for your safety, or do you think it will always be scary/violent?

Has his taste in women changed? What has caused him to change so much?

fromthewomb

The RO was put into place because he broke into my parent's house (where I have been living) in the middle of the night drunk and tried to get into bed with me and threw a fit when I kicked him out of the house. Then he started blowing up my phone nonstop until I changed my number, then he started harassing my mom by calling her at least 16 times a day. Then when she blocked his number, his HW started sending me pictures of them "together" in our bed from months ago when we were still living together and married. There were also several incidents before I moved out of him being very abusive (locking me in the bedroom when I had to go to the bathroom for hours until I wet myself then pulled me downstairs to show his friends how gross I am, etc) So I sent him an email saying leave me alone and stop harassing my family, if there is something that he needs to know involving LO I will contact him. Then mysteriously that night my brand new car was shot to sh!t with a pellet gun that had the same exact kind of ammo his does. Although I cannot prove he did that, I documented all of this like crazy and the judge didn't even hesitate to grant it. 

I wish I could say he will be okay to be around our LO as time goes on, but he has regressed back to his alcoholic ways even since we found out I was PG and apparently was so brazen with cheating on me, he was allowing her to take pictures of them in the act in our bed while I was at work. I am not sure he will be able to contain himself around a baby and I don't know if he would even feed her. We watched a friend's daughter on occasion who was 2 and he had NO patience for her and she was very mild mannered. 

 Our families do NOT like each other at all. I do not think anyone from my side would be able to watch him hold LO without losing their cool.

His taste reverted back to his high school "gothic" ways once I found out I was PG and he started drinking heavily again.

I don't know, nor do I have a way of knowing what he is currently doing with his life. Except for what one friend has told me that he has seen XH posting on his FB. And none of that looks promising either... 

BostonGayGal

Wow, he sounds like a major loser.  I am sorry you are going through all of this.

In all of my experience, I will say that judges WANT and will usually do the right thing.  If your ex is as you describe him, a judge would clearly not want the child with him.  However, judges need evidence. Document everything. Evidence of his drinking and any illegal behavior would be helpful. 

A man who wouldn't want to raise a child will generally give up fighting for a child, even if he hates the mother. If he breaks the RO to confront you about getting custody, the less of a reaction you can give him the better. The long crazy court process benefits the dedicated and serious parent. Follow your lawyer's advice. Put him on the RO if there is any chance he would hurt the child.

fromthewomb

I will then. Hopefully the judge grants it. Thank you for your advice! 

I wish I was super rich and could hire a PI so I could take him down if he ever tried to take me to court. Lol. That'd be the day. 

lawmomma77

Here's my two cents... if there's a restraining order in place against your Ex, then odds are the Judge is not going to grant him custody.  That being said, you need to keep yourself as clean and free of trouble as possible so that there's nothing he can show a judge that will make them think you are unfit.  For your ex to keep you away from your child, he would have to have the courts declare you an unfit mother... otherwise, he will HAVE to let you see your child or will be in contempt of court and could go to jail.

 

Hang in there. He sounds like an arse. 

fromthewomb

lawmomma-

It's not full custody I am concerned about, it's visitation rights. Like joint custody, etc. Sorry if I worded it wrong..  

I'm not putting him on the BC and filing for sole legal and physical custody asap.