Advice - how do I explain 'Mom's Guilt' to DH??

Louis Louboutain

Hi Ladies,

Need some assistance?looking for some thoughts on how to explain ?Mother?s Guilt? to DH.

 

 

A little background -  we have no help/family, DH has health issues, I work F/T and the once immaculate house has become a disaster area (and at the risk of preaching to the choir, I?m exhausted). When I finally finish work for the day, I barely get DD fed, bathed and to bed before I collapse.

 

My job is incredibly stressful/demanding and while I?d love to switch industries/companies, I?ve had no luck in what ?spare time? I do have in finding something else. I?m afraid to take too many vacation days for interviews, because I need them for Dr?s appointments with DD and DH (and yes,  my preference is to flat out quit and stay home with DD, but that?s not an option). With me as the exception, my team is all men, who have stay-at-home wives/mothers. In short, there is not an ounce of sympathy from a work perspective to the point where I was asked if I wouldn?t mind spending a ?few days a week @ a client? (that happens to be 300 miles away from my house?.when I reminded my boss that I have a baby, he commented that ?he?d forgotten?.

 

My frustration is that when DH asks ?what?s wrong? I tell him ?I?m feeling guilty that I don?t do enough/spend enough time with DD(not to mention, I don?t know where to start with the cleaning of the house and have almost started not to care...moving would be easier...)? and his response is always ?that makes no sense, why would you feel guilty?you?re doing the best you capable of given our situation?? His response is logical, and if I were in a rationale/pre-Maternal state, I?d probably agree. Sadly for him, that?s not the case and every time he says it (which happens to be all the time), it?s all I can do to be civil in return.

 

Apologies for the diatribe, but the question of ?why do you feel guilty? was just asked again (after an absolutely atrocious work day) and in order to enjoy my 1^st Mother?s Day (which wouldn?t have been possible had I stayed in the same room with him), I?m looking for a sensible approach to take this time.

 

I?m guessing one/many of you have been in a similar situation or have had the question posed to you at some point?for that reason, help/thoughts!?!?!?

 

Thank you and Happy Mother?s Day J

 

 

 

 

BrideBuddies

I'm not sure "explaining" it to anyone will do much good and it may be more frustrating to you than it already is.  It seems you've tried before and he just doesn't understand.  That's a man for ya.  And honestly, this may be something YOU need to come to terms with, not him.  Guilt is a natural thing sometimes, but it shouldn't be driving your life.

Do you have any counseling available to you through work?   It's pretty obvious you're way stressed out and need some sort of outlet to vent and work through all of these changes in your life.

And you do realize, you CAN'T do everything yourself.  I know you said your DH has health issues and it sounds like he does not work, but does that mean he can't do a few simple things around the house?  Loading laundry, folding clothes, emptying the dishwasher?   Or, if possible, can you hire someone to come in and help out once in a while?  In your situation, I think it'd be money very well spent.

GL

urbanflowerpot

Oh wow...I agree with PP. There probably isn't a way you can explain it - there just isn't a way. My big thing with DH is how displaced I feel with DS in NICU...like for DH our DS was already displaced: he was in me, now he's at the hospital. I tried making little parables and parrallels for him, but there isn't a way for him to "get it." He gives me room to do what I need (like the amount of time per day that I spend there).

After everything we've been through I have learned to let go...you can't control and accomplish everything. If the house is a mess 24 hrs from when you clean it just let it go and use the time with your LO.

That's all I've got! Happy mother's day to you, too