Hosting your own baby shower

jsong

I'm just curious about baby shower etiquette (first time mom here).  I'm not asking for me.  My sister is hosting my shower but I have a friend who is 5 weeks behind me and she will be hosting her own baby shower.  I, personally, don't think anything of it.  But I saw a post on the bump about baby shower etiquette and a lot of people responded saying it is "tacky" to host your own baby shower.  Just curious to find out why.  I am not very close to her to offer to host her shower and plus, I'll be 9 months pregnant at that point and have too much to do myself. 

Habrsk87

Yeah, I don't think you are supposed to host your own shower. I don't know if I will be getting a shower my family doesn't live in town and MH's family seems pretty busy. If I don't get a shower I won't feel too bad. I will probably to some kind of celebration for my little girl after she is born probably a few months after that is.

kimbo1216

It's considered tacky because the point of a shower is to honor the mom-to-be by showering her with gifts.  So to host a shower for yourself is to ask for gifts for yourself.  It's the same reason you don't put where you're registered at on your wedding invites.  If people want to know, they will ask.  It's always someone else's job to spread the word if you are registered somewhere.  Not yours.

Most people who don't have someone to host a shower for them, end up doing a meet the baby party where gifts are not requested nor implied.

calgal1683

I also think it is very tacky.

MustanGTbaby13

Lots of women on here get up in arms about shower etiquette. I think if someone has that big of a problem with someone hosting their own shower, then they just shouldn't go. It doesn't bother me at all.

DowagerCountessofNJ

kimbo1216:

It's considered tacky because the point of a shower is to honor the mom-to-be by showering her with gifts.  So to host a shower for yourself is to ask for gifts for yourself.  It's the same reason you don't put where you're registered at on your wedding invites.  If people want to know, they will ask.  It's always someone else's job to spread the word if you are registered somewhere.  Not yours.

Most people who don't have someone to host a shower for them, end up doing a meet the baby party where gifts are not requested nor implied.

jsong

In that case, I feel bad that no one is throwing her a baby shower.  I don't think she has a lot of close friends.  I know one friend who is closer to her than me.  Do you think I should suggest that maybe she could host the baby shower?  The only thing is this friend is also pregnant but is a few months behind me. I would not say anything to the friend that hosting her own shower is considered tacky.

brobin01

MustanGTbaby13:

Lots of women on here get up in arms about shower etiquette. I think if someone has that big of a problem with someone hosting their own shower, then they just shouldn't go. It doesn't bother me at all.

 

I agree, and know your circle. My family/friends wouldn't care. It's common, especially now of days with the economy changing ($$$). I never ask who is hosting the shower anyway, and most times I could care less. If it is a person that I care about, I take a gift, celebrate with them and have a good time. To me it's just like throwing your own birthday party. I could care less.People need to stop being so uptight..especially now of days.

DramaMama06

you and this other friend could offer to co-host the shower for her but still have her involved in the planning ect. i think it would be a really nice gesture. you could even host it at her house. explain that you'd really love to cohost, but are concerned that you might not be up to the actual duties of organizing but would still like to make the gesture.

sunshine336

I think (at least in some regions, circles of people, etc) that the whole "shower etiquette" thing is more prevalent on the Bump than IRL.  Yes, you're not supposed to host your own shower.  But if you are the type of person who would, then your family and friends probably aren't the type to care.  (Maybe that's an UO?)

Turtle143

brobin01:

MustanGTbaby13:

Lots of women on here get up in arms about shower etiquette. I think if someone has that big of a problem with someone hosting their own shower, then they just shouldn't go. It doesn't bother me at all.

 

I agree, and know your circle. My family/friends wouldn't care. It's common, especially now of days with the economy changing ($$$). I never ask who is hosting the shower anyway, and most times I could care less. If it is a person that I care about, I take a gift, celebrate with them and have a good time. To me it's just like throwing your own birthday party. I could care less.People need to stop being so uptight..especially now of days.

this. All of what Brobin said. 

tacotoes

I don't think its tacky at all. If I had the chutzpah I'd throw my own shower too...especially if no one is throwing one for the mom-to-be.

LaRue86

I think it depends on the situation. I did not want to invite DH's family to my shower that was hosted by my friends because they cause scenes and I end up miserable so I paid for everything, but one of my friends still "hosted" a "Family Shower".My friend said she would pay for it, but I felt bad since she was already throwing my friend shower for over 30 people.

I was so glad that I split the two showers. DH's family still managed to make a scene at the shower so much so I ended up in tears. My friend shower was absolutely amazing and I am glad that I did not allow them to ruin my real shower.

If I was simply not offered a shower, I would not have had one

kimbo1216

brobin01:

To me it's just like throwing your own birthday party.

There is a difference.  The point of a birthday party is to celebrate life.  The point of a shower is to shower someone with gifts.  When I have a birthday celebration, gifts are never requested or expected. 

Sure, it's not the end of the world if someone wants to host their own, but I do see why it's viewed as tacky.  I, personally, would never do it.

nicsigni

I agree with the PP that said the point is to shower the new parents with gifts, and so hosting your own would be saying shower ME with gifts. Also, a shower is a gift in itself. It's not something that we are entitled to just because we are having a baby. So when someone offers to throw you a shower, they are giving you a gift.

But ultimately, it really depends on your (or her) circle of friends and family, and what is standard practice.

As for me, I agree with the typical old fashioned etiquette on this for the most part, but I also think people should do whatever they want and are comfortable with.

cvl105

It's in poor taste to throw your own shower since you're supposed to be showered in gifts. It's basically inviting people to just give you presents.

brobin01

kimbo1216:

brobin01:

To me it's just like throwing your own birthday party.

There is a difference.  The point of a birthday party is to celebrate life.  The point of a shower is to shower someone with gifts.  When I have a birthday celebration, gifts are never requested or expected. 

(Right..when YOU have a birthday celebration, YOU don't expect gifts...some people do. Not me, but some do.)

Sure, it's not the end of the world if someone wants to host their own, but I do see why it's viewed as tacky.  I, personally, would never do it.

 Like I said, it depends on your circle. We can friendly agree to disagree, but at the end of the day, they are both celebrations.

DramaMama06

see, i've always seen it as a celebration of the baby's arrival. i didn't register for things for me, but for LO. but i can see where people would find it "tacky" if they see it as a shower for the parent (inwhich case i should have registered for some spa time! ). i think as said in pp you need to know the circles you're dealing with. i like the option of doing a "meet the baby" after he/she's born. we're going to do one even though we already had a few showers.

kimbo1216

brobin01:

We can friendly agree to disagree.

 

Yes.  We can friendly agree to disagree.

vigurl

The point of a shower is to be showered with gifts. 

The point of throwing yourself a birthday party is to celebrate another year of life.

So that being said...hosting your own shower = tacky; throwing yourself a birthday party = not tacky. 

pregarella

I agree, it's tacky.

Also, if you have no friends or family to host the shower, who exactly are you inviting to said shower?

stinalee24

Every etiquette thing you ever read will say no way, but IMO if the situation warrants it and its appropriate then who cares?? Like you said in this case - you didn't think anything of it, and for mine no one cared either. I "split" my hosting between myself and a few friends/MIL, but the whole project of it was too much to put on any one of my friends (and out of the group, I'm the "planner" so they found it really helpful to have me keeping track of deadlines and organizing things and let them do individual projects like decorations, favors, etc.)

I could see where it would blatantly look gift-grabby and I think that in that case it would be tacky, but done right no one will even know that she's throwing it for herself - no one mentioned it to me or anyone else that I know of.

11kacey

pregarella:

I agree, it's tacky.

Also, if you have no friends or family to host the shower, who exactly are you inviting to said shower?

agree!

 If someone hadn't offered to throw me a shower we just wouldn't have had one.

Mrssjb

I sort of ended up hosting my own and it was a bit embaressing. My aunt (who I adore more than anyone) asked to host me a shower and I of course said yes. She then gets diagnosed w/ terminal cancer (poor woman has already fought and beaten 3 other cancers!) so I try to cancel. Nope my mother (if you have ever read a single post of mine you will realize that my mother is Darth Vader) says she will take over and the show must go on! Needless to say that meant my dad footed the bill and I had to do all the invitations (she was the RSVP), decorations, favors, games etc. Then out of the 15 people from DH's side who said they were attending only 2 showed up....and 6 co workers also bailed and about 4 cousins...oh and all thier daughters. So we had about 25 people when my dad paid for 60...and my mom had a bit to drink and got insulting and yadda yadda yadda...needless to say I felt terribly tacky but my Aunt wanted me to have "the shower I wanted" so bad since DH and I have been struggling for 3 years to have a baby. I still blush anytime anyone brings it up

pregarella

Mrssjb:

I sort of ended up hosting my own and it was a bit embaressing. My aunt (who I adore more than anyone) asked to host me a shower and I of course said yes. She then gets diagnosed w/ terminal cancer (poor woman has already fought and beaten 3 other cancers!) so I try to cancel. Nope my mother (if you have ever read a single post of mine you will realize that my mother is Darth Vader) says she will take over and the show must go on! Needless to say that meant my dad footed the bill and I had to do all the invitations (she was the RSVP), decorations, favors, games etc. Then out of the 15 people from DH's side who said they were attending only 2 showed up....and 6 co workers also bailed and about 4 cousins...oh and all thier daughters. So we had about 25 people when my dad paid for 60...and my mom had a bit to drink and got insulting and yadda yadda yadda...needless to say I felt terribly tacky but my Aunt wanted me to have "the shower I wanted" so bad since DH and I have been struggling for 3 years to have a baby. I still blush anytime anyone brings it up

Yours is a special situation obviously, so you shouldn't feel bad.  Plus your dad paid for it, so technically your parents hosted it.

jsong

pregarella:

I agree, it's tacky.

Also, if you have no friends or family to host the shower, who exactly are you inviting to said shower?

Her family lives close but the few times she has spoken of them, she didn't sound very close to them and as for friends, most of her girlfriends are through her husband.  It's her husband's friends' wives that I assume would be invited to the shower.  For me, I've known her husband for years (not close just run in the same circle) and she only reached out to me after she found out she was pregnant.  So, I don't feel comfortable offering to host her shower and she also lives 50 mins away.

Sunidaze

pregarella:

I agree, it's tacky.

Also, if you have no friends or family to host the shower, who exactly are you inviting to said shower?

Totally agree with this. 

cofox14

i totally agree, and who made you women the baby shower police, who cares????

suzyqjmu

Well, if my mother wasn't dead and if my sister's husband hadn't just passed away, I'm sure that I would have someone throw me a baby shower, but I don't. Does that mean I don't deserve a baby shower like 99% of first time moms?

My cousin who has so much going on offered to throw me one, but I am sure it was because she felt that she was the only one to take that responsibility. Rather than take advantage of her, I offered to throw it myself and let her help a little. We are having a coed backyard BBQ to celebrate the baby-to-be. The invations make it clear that it is a baby celebration, but it is obvious that it is more of a family cookout. I don't care if everyone brings gifts ... I just want to have this chance to celebrate with my friends and family before the big day. My cousin was listed as the host, but I will be paying for all of the food, drinks, etc. I am probably putting in as much money as I will be receiving for gifts.

But if you all think I am tacky, then I guess that's ok. I suppose that I could have left all the work to my cousin who doesn't have the time or money .. then I could have saved myself from being tacky.