How do you deal with the world?

cjmckelvey

I'm not officially a single mommy yet, but it is definitely heading in that direction.  I'm 7 months pregnant with our 1st child.   We are technically not together, but are living together in separate rooms.  I'm thinking of moving out because I don't think that I will ever get over him if we continue to stay under the same room.  But that seems so final.  How do you deal with wondering if things could have worked out if you stayed a little longer?  How do you deal with telling the world?  I don't know anyone in my shoes and I feel all alone.  I keep wondering if I should wait until after the baby is born to make my final moving out decision or not.  

 Any advice from those that have been there?  

Mrs.Keith2B

Waiting until the baby is born won't fix the problems that already exist. It'll just make things that much worse. You need to get started with your "new" life before your LO comes along, so you're more prepared to venture into motherhood.

It's a big weight to carry around the secret that your marriage/relationship is over. For me, the anticipation of telling people was 100x worse than actually telling them/their reaction.

PrincessFiona9

Everyone I know was ecstatic when I left EX and became a single parent. That's because everyone hated him though lol.

Anyway, I agree that you ought to move out and get settled in your own situation before your baby gets here.

achase123

totally normal to feel the way that you are, but you will know when the time is right to leave him.  You can't stay with him simply because you don't want to be a single parent, none of us really do or did want to be in this boat. 

Everyone I knew was so relieved when I left XH because he was a vile, horrible human being who treated me terribly. 

FerreraRocher

Waiting won't help. I told everyone gradually. I tried to keep us together but quit once it was clear that he didn't want to work it out. At that point I decided that it was time to move on. If he was freaking out now what would happen when disasters or tragedies happen? Life is hard and marriage/relationships are hard as well. How the heck would he deal with it if things got really bad? I owe it to my daughter to keep a stable home. That meant parting ways.

cjmckelvey

My biggest problem is I don't know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I want to leave. Even if we're not together, we're still friends, and maybe I just have to get over my feelings for him.  Has anyone else raised their child together but weren't actually in a marriage/relationship with their partner?  

bella&baby

cjmckelvey:

My biggest problem is I don't know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I want to leave. Even if we're not together, we're still friends, and maybe I just have to get over my feelings for him.  Has anyone else raised their child together but weren't actually in a marriage/relationship with their partner?  

Even if you're still friends, it's probably not a good idea to live together. Like you said, it's hard to get over someone you're living with. And the truth is, it'll only get worse when/if he starts seeing other people. You need to take care of yourself. You can be great co-parents living separately, and that would likely put you in a much healthier emotional state.

Just my opinion. I wish you the best.

Jennis22

bella&baby:

cjmckelvey:

My biggest problem is I don't know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I want to leave. Even if we're not together, we're still friends, and maybe I just have to get over my feelings for him.  Has anyone else raised their child together but weren't actually in a marriage/relationship with their partner?  

Even if you're still friends, it's probably not a good idea to live together. Like you said, it's hard to get over someone you're living with. And the truth is, it'll only get worse when/if he starts seeing other people. You need to take care of yourself. You can be great co-parents living separately, and that would likely put you in a much healthier emotional state.

Just my opinion. I wish you the best.

I agree.

lawmomma77

I have no advice, but I have a lot of hugs. I'm going through a divorce right now and one of the hardest things about it is just the stigma of being a single parent.  Like you're automatically assumed to be someone who just runs around and gets knocked up and has a kid and doesn't even know who the dad is.

I know... that's not how it works these days. But the stigma is still there. And seeing that judgmental look on people's faces SUCKS. 

 That being said, I agree with the other posters. If the relationship is over, then it is over.  The only thing that has helped me is to remember that I am responsible for teaching my son what a good and special marriage/relationship is supposed to be like.  I can not teach him that if I am in a bad marriage/relationship.