School-Aged Children

Help me get over my playdate aversion

First, I WOH full time so most playdates would have to happen on the weekends.  Weekends are pretty packed as it is, so I have trouble finding time/committing to time for a playdate.  What do other WOHM's do about this?

I've tried to plan them for school breaks for the one or two days I take off during that time, but haven't really been successful.  I didn't even really think about it until Spring break anyway. 

My ILs watch my kids in the afternoons, but aren't willing to have kids over that they don't know.  Can't say I blame them.

DS came home with a friend's phone number yesterday and he gave her his number (soooo cute!). I want to call the mom and set something up, but deep down I'm dreading it too.  I'm so out of my comfort zone here.

DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12

Re: Help me get over my playdate aversion

  • Playdates at the park are so much easier.  I email 2 or 3 moms and we all meet at the park.  Someone brings juice boxes, someone brings grapes, someone brings a beach ball and the kids have a blast. 
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  • I hear you on getting out of your comfort zone. DD brought a phone # home several months back and I couldn't get myself to call. I really wanted to call to set something up for her, but I have reservations like: when would we get together, where, and afraid the mom might be annoyed that her DD gave out her #. lol
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  • Just jump in and do it! Call the other moms already! I love playdates because not only does my child get some play time but I get some adult conversation too. We've been having playdates since DS was in preschool. It's a great way to get to know the other kids and their parents, which really comes in handy when they're in school. Good luck!
    BFP 11/1/11 EDD 7/13/12

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    9 Years Later

  • OMG -- I could have written this.  Although I worked p/t for the last 6 years, my variable work schedule always made it hard for me to schedule playdates. And, although I only worked about 18 hours a week, some of them in the evenings, I never really fell in with the SAHM crowd at my kids' preschool.  Also, my oldest kid was sort of a shy, stay-at-home/nose-in-a-book type who never really pushed for playdates.  

    Well, DC#2 really THRIVES on getting together with friends, and I have had to change my ways.  If he goes for too long without a buddy coming over, he gets really cranky.  And now, at age 10, my oldest is much more of a social butterfly as well.  Here's what I've learned that has helped me loosen up about playdates:

    --they can be spontaneous.  I used to feel like playdates had to be planned out days in advance, but they don't.  As long as you make it clear that you understand it was just a "let's see if it'll work" thing, you can call on the spur of the moment.  Prepare your child for disappointment, though, or don't tell your kid you're calling until you know it's all systems go.

    --they don't have to be at your house, as someone above suggested.  Meeting at the park, Chick-fil-a, or the mall is just fine.  This also gives you a chance to meet other parents.

    --tell guest kids the rules at your house.  For example, we live on a busy rural road with a speed limit of 40 in front of our house.  Playing too close to the road at my house is a huge no-no, and sometimes this is hard for kids who live in a quiet subdivision to comprehend.  I make this and any other safety rules clear up front to first time guests.

    --true confession time: I actively encourage my kids to have more playdates with kids whose parents I like, and don't go out of my way to suggest playdates with friends whose parents are a pain.  

    --try not to get involved in the playdate unless someone is hurt, they need a snack, they're asking permission to do something, or they need you to get an item from the top shelf of the toy closet.  It gives you a break, and allows them to do what they're supposed to be doing, which is learning to hang out with people their own age.

    --2 to 2.5 hours is a good time limit for first-time playdates for anyone under age 7.  This really helps the playdate end on a good note.

    --schedule or arrange something for the other sibling to do when one child has a playdate, at least until the guest child has been at your house several times. Even if your kids normally play together without much friction, I can guarantee there will be drama and tears when one kid has to "share" their friend with a sibling.

    --it gets easier with each playdate you have. 


    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
  • WahooWahoo member

    I am now SAH, but when I was working summer was actually the BEST time for playdates.  It is light outside for hours after you get home (even if you don't get home until 6:30!).  What I liked to do was to take kids along to community events - - - vintage car shows, movie night in the park, library events (they bring in educational acts like the Lizard man).  All of those events were free (for the car show nights I'd take the kids to pizza in town, for movie night I just packed extra snacks).  But even if you are at home, and don't go anywhere, they can still play outside. 

    Now that I am home, weekend playdates work well, too.  Kids' days are so darned packed with activities (soccer, dance lessons, gymnastics, etc...).  It's really only two hours of your time.  DD just had a playdate from 2:30-4:30.  It was two hours that I DIDN'T have to entertain her! 

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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