...I'm new

aburks1

I'm struggling. My marriage is struggling. I feel trapped. 

I really do love my son, but there are times that I get really mad and frustrated with him. I haven't gotten to the point of wanting to hurt him, but I know it's not that far away. It really scares me. He's a preemie, and requires more patience than the average kid. He has really bad reflux and spits up all the time. It absolutely kills me when he's been eating for 20 mins and throws up BM all over.

H works 12a-12p, and doesn't wake up until 10:30 in the mornings. I get very little help from him at all. I am essentially a married single mother. My mom is great, but she has a job and her own life. My friends help when they can, but the vast majority of the time it's just me and Ollie. I completely resent H for being gone all the time. Bills are piling up because he didn't get paid last month. He always talks about missing his family while he's at work, but he doesn't act like it when he's home. I try to wake him up to help with nighttime feeding/changing/burping, but it's so much more trouble than it's worth.

Due to H's insane job hopping, I was on Medicaid when DS was born. My pp 2 months is up. I don't have insurance for two and a half months while I wait for H's 90 days to be up at his new job. I have no idea how to even go about getting any help.

My mom took DS to her house for the night. I miss him terribly. I'm so confused about everything. 

FutureMrsWittig

Have you talked to H?  Asked him to step it up?

I'm sorry you're going through this.  Does DS have insurance through the state?  Can you take him to a ped about the reflux?

aburks1

I've been talking to H about it for over a month. He just doesn't seem to get it most of the time. We talked for a little bit last night, and he did agree to wake up earlier with Ollie for his 7:00 feed. I just have to pump and have everything ready for him.

Yes, thank God, DS is on Peachcare. (That's another source of guilt, though. I can't stand the way people treat me/him because of it. Everyone just assumes that we're living off the state.) He's been on Zantac for almost two weeks to see if that helps his reflux. It is helping a little, but not nearly as much as it needs to be. His ped said to give it until his appointment on the 13th to see if it kicks in.

JCM

See if you can change reflux medication to Prevacid, it did wonder's for DD's reflux.  I noticed a difference within in 2 days & she was a completely different baby within 2 weeks.  I now how you feel about being a married single mother!  DH travels for work ALL the time.  This week he's been gone since Sunday afternoon but most weeks he is gone M-F so I feel you pain. My mom also was working until DD was about 14 months old & is the type of person that can't do anything on a "school night".  My friends also lived far away and all worked so I had no real support either.  I would call you OB let him know what is going on, how you are feeling & that you no longer have insurance.  They should willing to help you out or refer you to a clinic that can.  Trust me I have a bunch of free- loading no job having relatives & they always manage to get health care.

I know how you feel about your DS.  I had a very hard time adjusting to having DD even though I really wanted a baby.   

Also try meetup.com to see about mom's groups in you area.  I'm part of one & it really has helped me make friends that are in the same boat I am.  It also helped me realized that I am not alone in the way I was feeling about DD. GL & keep us posted! 

sandrarn11

I agree with JCM... go to the doc about the reflux, try to get yourself and DS out of the house.  As far as H... I think you need to talk to him about your feelings, but also take charge in regards to your son's health and your own happiness by doing the above two suggestions.  When H's insurance does kick in, you may also want to see someone if you are still feeling down.

**This all comes from personal experience.  My DS also had reflux/colic, I felt like H was useless and very alone altogether.. it gets better.

Camike

Go to your local community center or YWCA- they will most definitely help you find help at little or no cost to you.  I waited 10 months to get help and I wish I had never waited that long. That's time I'll never get back!

 Can you afford to put your baby in daycare once or twice a week? I would do that just to give you a break or hire a baby sitter while you're home so you can sleep. You're lucky that you have friends and family close by. Ask your Mom to take Ollie once or twice a week.