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North Carolina Babies
Grrr - I am NOT overreacting on this
My IL's are coming to visit from tomorrow through Monday. Good news is they are staying at a hotel, bad news is I have to deal with them while DH is working late. Anyway, they asked DH if they could keep O out of daycare while they are here and I said absolutely not. 1, I pay for him to be there and he LOVES going and playing with his friends, so he's going. 2, they have zero respect for either of us and our wishes. They don't understand why we are so uptight with carseats, so I know if they couldn't figure it out they would just hold him in their laps. 3, both of them have health issues. MIL has had 2 knee replacements, hip replacement, brain aneurysm that has caused issues with hearing and headaches, FIL's back is destroyed. And they think they can run after a 2 year old and keep up with him?... because he is on the GO. Plus, I know that they would just pump him full of crappy food, and MIL likes to feed him with her hands and put her fingers in his mouth, which grosses me the F*** out. Use a fork, when's the last time you washed your hands? Makes me gag and shudder just thinking about it. Seriously, not a fan.
The other thing they mentioned is they want to take him to the pool at their hotel one day and I said HELL NO. No way, not in a million years are they taking him near the water. He can't swim, he doesn't listen and if you take your eyes off him for a second... it makes me sick to think about it. So basically, they will see him when we are home from work and before O goes to bed, then on the weekend. And MIL wants us to keep him up late so they have time with him, and I am not messing up his schedule. DH is irritated with me for being so protective and not letting them have time with him, but I told him to just take a half day to spend with them. They don't get him alone, I do not trust them, he's our child and we have to watch out for his best interest. Heck, I would love to leave him with them one night so we could go out. DH's birthday is Friday and we thought about trying to go to a movie after O is in bed, but I KNOW my MIL would go upstairs and wake him up as soon as we leave. She's purposely woken him from naps before so she could see him and it annoys the crap out of me.
I don't think I'm over reacting, but I just needed to vent before I scream. I am DREADING this weekend and Mother's Day is basically a wash with them here.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Grrr - I am NOT overreacting on this
EWWWW!!!! And waking him up? Ugh. They sound pretty selfish.
I know this isn't going to be your favorite response, but is there any way you can take some time off of work to spend with O and your ILs? Since they are traveling to visit you all, I can understand that they'd actually want to spend time with him. And, he could still stay on his bedtime schedule.
If you do, I can promise you will go directly to heaven when you die.
FWIW, my MIL annoys the bajeezus out of me, so I can relate...
I can't take any time off since I had to miss time 2 weeks ago, but I suggested that to DH and he might try. He still hasn't told them they can't keep O out of daycare and they need to leave by 7:30.
I know I sound horrible and selfish like I am keeping him from them. I mean, I know they love him and want to see him, I get that, but it's the no boundaries and no respect at all that drives me insane. And MIL freaking babytalks to him and calls him her baby, which I just want to rip my ears off so I don't have to hear her baby voice. He's 2! You can talk to him like any other child. Whew! Sorry.
Ohmigosh - MIL's baby talk will be the death of me. She often doesn't even use words! "Woosie-woosie-who's my sweet wittle baybie? Ahh-boo, ahhh-booo. yes you are! yes you are. And so. yes, and so." ARGH!
But then, she still refers to my DH and I as 'the kids.' Ummm, Lady? I'm 35 years old.
Yep - sounds like you DH needs to take time off then...
I'm torn on my response. I definitely understand wanting to be very protective of DS, etc. and I've struggled with this with my mom (I have no concerns for leaving my girls with my dad or my ILs, but my mom pretty much flat out disregards my requests for the girls) but I've had to let go some.
So here are my thoughts: I think you might want to try letting go of her not feeding him the way you would, her not using a fork, and even letting him stay up a little later to spend time with his grandparents. These are actually things I've had to work on coming to terms with related to my parents -- they eat much less healthy than we do and my mom doesn't get why the girls can't stay up later to accomodate her schedule. But I've decided since they rarely see them (they live in WI), having one day where my parents spoil them with ice cream and cookies, and let them stay up later won't be the end of the world. And although I agree the finger thing is weird and gross, I'm sure DS has put more dirt in his mouth from playing than hanging out with grandma for a day.
But on the other hand, I would definitely have an issue with not respecting the use of carseats (who doesn't use carseats nowadays!!!!) or letting them take him swimming if you're not comfortable with him going to the pool without you. These are much bigger issues/concerns to me.
If they feel that with their bad knees they can still tackle hanging out with a 2 yr. old, maybe they can. I think it's important for grandparents to get one on one time with their grandchildren too.
I don't think not keeping him out of daycare due to having already paid for it is really that big of deal -- it sounds like his grandparents aren't in town frequently, and I don't think keeping him out for a day to spend time with them should be an issue, even if you've already paid for that day.
So in general, is there anyway you can compromise? Maybe let them stay at your house with him for a day (no driving!)? That way you know he's safe in your house -- not driving or going swimming but still gets some one on one time with them. With the two of them there together, I'm sure they can tackle playing with a 2 yr. old even with bad knees. I try to pick specific things I definitely want my parents to follow (e.g. we don't eat red meat so they're not allowed to give the girls red meat, or fried food) and let go on the other things. Grandparents are going to do things a little different than parents and somethings aren't worth fighting over.
Just my thoughts
I'm on the fence about this too. I'll leave Caleb with my mom, without having to worry about anything. But I've always had issues leaving him with my sister. She has 4 kids, so her hands are really full. Her house is less than clean, her kids are always dirty....plus they are always getting into random accidents. DH & I talked about it a long time before we decided he could stay with my sis. We realized he may come home a little dirty, but that he would be safe.
SOOO....you may remember my post a month or so ago about how Caleb went missing from her house. Worst moment of my life, ever. I really regret overlooking my worries and he will not stay with her again.
I think Racey offered a good suggestion - let them keep O at your house, remind them how important nap time is, and don't let them go out. I'm sure O would love to spend time with them, showing off his toys and his things.
I think Racey made some good points about compromise. I try to let some things slide, but stick to my guns on the big things (like carseats & swimming pools in this case).
I would definitely push having your DH take off early though. They are his parents & I'm sure they would really like to spend time with him (and you'll feel better about O's safety).
It just seems a bit sad for them to travel so far, stay in a hotel, and not get to see their grandchild very much.
Ditto everything BTP and Racey said.
I don't mind letting them stay late or compromising on some things. He can get some junk food, he can stay up a little later. We always offer to let them stay at our house and they refuse, prefer to stay in a hotel with their timeshare. The things that get me are I will let the junk food slide and they will feed him chocolate and candy - in MIL's words ' it's a grandparents job to fill them up with sugar and then let you deal with it'. She doesn't get why he needs to nap and gets angry that we can't do anything in the afternoon - and I will push his nap back and put him down an hour or two late which makes him miserable so she can have time with him. Staying later is ok, letting O stay up a night or two an hour late is fine, but they won't leave until 10 and MIL will not let him sleep. If I am trying to give him a bath or put him down, she is hovering behind me talking to him, distracting him, trying to grab him from me, etc... And once I get him down she will make excuses to go upstairs and open his door to look at him or wake him up. Every.single.time.
I know that I sound like a b!tch in my OP, but after 2 years of not listening to anything we ask of them, it just gets really trying. Every single day something will be a struggle. Why am I feeding him X, why can't he have this, why is he in a carseat, why do you CD, he doesn't need a bath, he can stay up until we leave, he's 2 he doesn't need a nap! It's never just a nice visit, which is a big part of what sucks. Some things I will definitely stick to - like carseats and swimming unless DH or I are there - but most will get thrown out the window so they are happy.