- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Parenting
WWYD? Family dramz. (also baptism related. sorry.)
Two issues:
#1. H and I take the role of godparents very seriously. We feel it's important to name people we respect and who will provide guidance to our children both spiritually and in everyday life. We've chosen my baby sister and a close friend for DD. I have another sister who I KNOW is going to be pissed. The thing is, she's generally a hot mess, but more importantly, she has been saying for the past year or so that she's not even sure she believes in God and she definitely doesn't "believe" in church. Not exactly our top pick for a godparent. Should I broach the subject with her beforehand? Or just wait for her to get the invitation? She's hot-headed and takes things really personally and I don't want to get into a fight about it, but I have a feeling she will get nasty at me. She's very dramatic. If I tell her before, what the heck do I say?
#2. We scheduled DD's baptism for the last weekend of May. My dad got pissy because he and my mom apparently always go out of town that weekend, so we moved it to the following weekend. Now, he's pitching a fit because he had plans to go out of town that weekend, too. I think since we already rescheduled it once (and he said nothing about any other conflicts for upcoming weekends at the time), it's just too bad. If he chooses Nascar over his granddaughter, that's his loss. If we do reschedule it (again), we wouldn't be able to do it until the last weekend of June due to other conflicts. H and I really don't want to wait that long. My dad acts like a big baby and has no regard for anyone else, so I may be being a bit less flexible since it's him than I would for other people, but it bugs me that he acts like we OWE it to him to move it instead of asking if we could please change the date because he'd like to be there. Should we change the date a whole month from what we originally planned for him or stick with our date and let him work around it or miss it?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WWYD? Family dramz. (also baptism related. sorry.)
Honestly? Eff 'em both! This is your child and her baptism--do what you want to do and what makes you comfortable. I can't fathom why your sister should get her panties in a wad over not being the godmother when she doesnt' even believe in G-d! And your dad is being ridiculous expecting you to keep rescheduling to fit around his schedule. Like you said, if he chooses NASCAR over his granddaughter, his loss.
I'm sorry--what a pain the ass to have to deal with all of that when you just want to celebrate your baby's baptism. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Ditto.
#1 - Tell her beforehand. I have a sister who sounds a lot like yours. Let her make huge drama before she gets the invite so at least it won't be a big surprise.
#2 - You're more generous than I am. I would have stuck with the first date and made my parents change their plans. It sounds like it's an annual trip (ie, something they do all the time) and your DD's baptism is ONCE. Don't change it again for him.
re #2, I get your frustration - promise. but if you really wanted your parents there, wouldn't you check with them on dates before booking? Obviously you didn't check with them the first time, and I get that when your dad told you they had plans that particular weekend, it would have been nice if he offered up other dates that were also bad. But.....it seems weird to me that you wouldn't have discussed dates with them from the very beginning.
Tell the sister before. Since she will pitch a fit anyway, take one thing away from her to *** about (I had to learn about it when I got the invitation). Don't change for your Dad. You did it once already.
For #1 -- we were in a similar situation. I didn't want to deal with the drama so I didn't say anything to them. They didn't attend the baptism but honestly that didn't bother me at all.
For #2 -- What is he thinking?! Don't change the date, blame it on the church or whatever if you have to.
#1 I wouldn't tell her. It's you and your husband's choice who you pick as Godparents. Why make a big deal and make her feel like you are rubbing it in her face by coming over and telling her she didn't get picked.
#2 You already changed the date once I would leave it now. Yes the baptism is important for the whole family to be there but if he chooses not to change his plans it's his loss. As long as you, your husband, and the Godparents are there those are the most important people in a baptism.
As for your sister, regardless of when you talk to her, I would'nt go into a long explanation w/ her. Leave it simple "You don't know if you believe in God and as such, we didn't chose you to be a Godparent". Period.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
1. I wouldn't tell her. Don't make a big deal/scene out of it, and if she chooses to do that, then she looks bad.
2. I'd leave the current date. My mom missed DD's dedication. I was p!ssed, and we had a major come-to-Jesus a few weeks later about her involvement with them. It truly is his loss if he chooses not to come.
It was my bad for not asking them the first time. I'd told them we were thinking May, but that last weekend didn't come up. I did ask my mom if they had anything going on the first weekend of June, though, and she said no. She'd totally forgotten that my dad had wanted to go to the NASCAR race and my dad didn't even check the dates until yesterday.
I really don't care if my dad isn't there. However, it would break my heart if my mom wasn't.
She DID discuss the proposed date w/him& moved the baptism based on his response to that. I would think her dad would have mentioned- upon discussion of when they were going to be out of town- that they were OOT the next weekend as well. It's just silly to think that she's going to have to drag every bit of travel information out of them.
I say you already tried to be accommodating & rescheduled it once. Leave it as is! As for your sister, if you know she's going to pitch a fit anyway I'd send her an email ahead of time.
In this particular situation, I don't think your dad is in the wrong. I don't. What you explained can honestly happen to anyone. There was a lack of clear communication on both sides.
However, there are obviously deeper issues going on w/ your dad and if you simply don't want to "give in", then don't. While this situation could happen to anyone, if it is also the norm for your dad and you don't want to change the date - then don't. I don't fault you one bit for that! I can fully understand, in the context of your dad, why you wouldn't want to.
Just make sure your mom can make the June date!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Oops....
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I would tell the sister that was not chosen, I would simply state that you wanted her to know that you are choosing A and B to be Godparents b/c they have the religious beliefs that you (or your church) believe a Godparent should have. If she freaks out just remember that it is better for her to freak out on the phone than at the Baptism. And if she gets mad just calmly remind her that she has told you that she does not believe in church and does not even know if she believes in God which are two things that you need in a Godparent and then hang up if she yells.
Tell your Dad that you hope that he can attend the Baptism for his Granddaughter but that you have already scheduled it around his schedule and this is the only date that is left that works for you and your DH.
What is the deal with someone potentially getting upset over not being a God parent when they do not believe in God? That is so freakin' bizzaro. If I didn't believe in God I would never in a million years expect or desire the position of having to guide and teach something in which I do not believe. If she can't understand that then she needs to do some soul searching.
#2 I would just keep the date and hopefully they can make it.