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soontobehimes

I have my PP check up today..and I will be talking to my doctor about the feelings I have. But, after speaking with my mom.. I think I have some sort of PPD. I've really tried to ignore these feelings for the past few weeks, but they are getting worse, not better.

I have been EPing since my LO was about 2 days old. My supply was great at first and has almost completely stopped now. For the past two weeks, I get about 1/2 oz. when I pump. But, I KEEP pumping because I feel so freaking guilty not giving my daughter BM. One day last week I *thought* I decided to stop because it just wasn't worth it. Then, when I looked at her face, I felt like I was the worst mother in the world for not giving her breast milk. I know deep down that millions of babies get formula and it's pefectly fine.. but for some reason the guilt I have is unbearable. When family members ask me how the pumping is going I get very defensive and want to crawl in a corner and hide until they stop talking about it!

I don't have any feelings of hurting my LO at all. But, I have two boxers (very loveable dogs that I was completely obesessed with before I had my daughter), and if I go in the other room and the dogs are alone with Kindle, I have these pictures/thoughts that they are attacking her or something awful (I don't want to share specific details). It's making me not even want to see my dogs anymore. I also fear that my husband is going to suffocate her when he's cuddling with her in bed. I know that some of this is normal, but they're very intense feelings that I don't feel are normal. The anxiety is just crazy.

And finally, I feel very unworthy of having a precious, sweet baby girl. There are so many people who cannot have children and completely deserve them. I don't know why I got to have a baby and other people can't. It just doesn't make sense to me. I don't deserve this if everyone else in the world can't have it too.

I appreciate you reading all of this and I'm hoping to get some insight/help at my appointment today.

okballet16

soontobehimes:

I have my PP check up today..and I will be talking to my doctor about the feelings I have. But, after speaking with my mom.. I think I have some sort of PPD. I've really tried to ignore these feelings for the past few weeks, but they are getting worse, not better.

I have been EPing since my LO was about 2 days old. My supply was great at first and has almost completely stopped now. For the past two weeks, I get about 1/2 oz. when I pump. But, I KEEP pumping because I feel so freaking guilty not giving my daughter BM. One day last week I *thought* I decided to stop because it just wasn't worth it. Then, when I looked at her face, I felt like I was the worst mother in the world for not giving her breast milk. I know deep down that millions of babies get formula and it's pefectly fine.. but for some reason the guilt I have is unbearable. When family members ask me how the pumping is going I get very defensive and want to crawl in a corner and hide until they stop talking about it!

I don't have any feelings of hurting my LO at all. But, I have two boxers (very loveable dogs that I was completely obesessed with before I had my daughter), and if I go in the other room and the dogs are alone with Kindle, I have these pictures/thoughts that they are attacking her or something awful (I don't want to share specific details). It's making me not even want to see my dogs anymore. I also fear that my husband is going to suffocate her when he's cuddling with her in bed. I know that some of this is normal, but they're very intense feelings that I don't feel are normal. The anxiety is just crazy.

And finally, I feel very unworthy of having a precious, sweet baby girl. There are so many people who cannot have children and completely deserve them. I don't know why I got to have a baby and other people can't. It just doesn't make sense to me. I don't deserve this if everyone else in the world can't have it too.

I appreciate you reading all of this and I'm hoping to get some insight/help at my appointment today.

This is how I feel too. I just feel like people try so hard to have babies and some never do and I had one while not even trying. I've been on meds for about 5 months and they have been a huge help. I don't really cry as much now. Hope you and your doctor figure something out!

KelJoSmith

You and I sound exactly the same on the EP with great supply and then nothing, and feeling guilty. I try and tell myself this is ridiculous.. but that feeling doesnt go away and I just cry about it.

And I am so paranoid about DH being alone with DD that I can barely stand it. I hope that things get better for you.