HUGE fight with DH.. and on my Birthday

Maryland Baby

I am sick and tired of DH comparing me to his 6 yr old daughter. If I ask her to pick up her laundry, or her toys, or take her shoes off the couch I shouldn't be compared to. If my clothes aren't put away because everyone else's is my first priority then so be it. I clean up after everyone, I'm 9 months pregnant, I work , I go to school full time so if I can't live up to the same standards right now then so what! It doesn't mean that I can't be a teacher and step mother who tries to teach her the correct way. 

on top of which he constantly insists on having these conversations and fights in front of her. Frankly her mother is a *** who plays games with him and fills his daughters head with crap which he naive to!

I cannot take anymore. This is NOT how I want my daughter to be raised. Which would frankly be a spoiled little brat. 

I am hormonal, I am upset, I a pissed off, Im miserable being pregnant and I want my baby

vent over. 

PhunkeyMonkey

Maryland Baby:

I cannot take anymore. This is NOT how I want my daughter to be raised. Which would frankly be a spoiled little brat. 

I am hormonal, I am upset, I a pissed off, Im miserable being pregnant and I want my baby

vent over. 

 

justme04

I think if I were in your situation I'd wonder if my H was going to belittle me in front of my own child as well.  It certainly would make me wonder what our relationship is all about and if it was something I thought was healthy.  I'm the type of person who over-anaylzes everything though... 

I will say outright that I don't think it is fair of him to criticize you in front of your step daughter.  Its deffinatly not encouraging her to want to listen to you or respect you in anyway.

toadstool

justme04:

I think if I were in your situation I'd wonder if my H was going to belittle me in front of my own child as well.  It certainly would make me wonder what our relationship is all about and if it was something I thought was healthy.  I'm the type of person who over-anaylzes everything though... 

I will say outright that I don't think it is fair of him to criticize you in front of your step daughter.  Its deffinatly not encouraging her to want to listen to you or respect you in anyway.

forensicmama

toadstool:

justme04:

I think if I were in your situation I'd wonder if my H was going to belittle me in front of my own child as well.  It certainly would make me wonder what our relationship is all about and if it was something I thought was healthy.  I'm the type of person who over-anaylzes everything though... 

I will say outright that I don't think it is fair of him to criticize you in front of your step daughter.  Its deffinatly not encouraging her to want to listen to you or respect you in anyway.

MrsD1

Happy Birthday! I hope you can work it out so you can still have a good day.

I agree with PP's that your DH shouldn't criticize you in front of your step-daughter. You should have a talk with him when you two are alone together and tell him how you feel.

Maryland Baby

Thanks for the support! it was good to get it out!

We have talked so many times about it but he just can't get it into his stupid head what a big deal it is.

His daughter is spoiled and I bring along rules and discipline to a child who has none. Eats with her mouth open, talks with her mouth full and "negotiates" and manipulates big time. (overall she is a well behaved child she just needs direction as any child does they are learning from US as role models and parents!)

I don't stand for it so he gets defensive and makes me look bad.

I'm not 6 and there is no comparison. If I want to jump up and down on my couch with mud all over my feet I can because guess what I CLEAN IT! and of course I know better! 

JrsMommy11

wow i could have written this post. let me start by saying happy birthday. i have the same problem with DH and SD, and it is hard to deal with a dad who doesnt back you 100%, n has he ever heard of "do as i say, not as i do"? u r the adult n should be treated like one. she will get out of hand n by the time it gets to that point its hard not to be resentful. if she knows she can get between u and H she will do it as much as possible so all issues r turned from her to u. DH and i have different parenting styles but he is open to change, it just takes a very sensitive approach, after all that is his baby girl. you should explain how it takes a partnership to raise a child and u would like to discuss rules for house including LO on the way, dont focus directly on SD. i find that pulling DH to the side when u 2 r in good moods n explaining to him what has been bothering u works best. good luck i know its a difficult situation.

Maryland Baby

You're so right. Resentment has set in and it's not good. I've told him in a good mood, in a bad mood, yelling, being nice you name it.

She can do no wrong EVER. neither can the Ex. 

JrsMommy11

Unfortunately the one that gets hurt is always the "outsider" which is wut he has made u but i think if u work on this thru SD it would be your best bet. if u can build a strong bond between u n her, then she will try less to push u guys apart (which is normal for her age and situation) just remember she is only a child n she will go thru phases but DH will respect u more when he sees the bonding between u n SD. as far as disciplining her, i would go about it in a less confrontational way such as pulling her to another room and explaining to her that its not lady like to talk with ur mouth full n make it less demanding of her (only for now) until u can gain DHs respect of ur parenting style. he will catch on. Men r very easy to manipulate n if a 6 yr old has figured it out im sure u can. Granted thats not picture perfect family but how many blended families are? the biggest and hardest part is not snapping at her becuz she will feel the resentment and so will DH.

FutureMrsWittig

Maryland Baby:

Thanks for the support! it was good to get it out!

We have talked so many times about it but he just can't get it into his stupid head what a big deal it is.

His daughter is spoiled and I bring along rules and discipline to a child who has none. Eats with her mouth open, talks with her mouth full and "negotiates" and manipulates big time. (overall she is a well behaved child she just needs direction as any child does they are learning from US as role models and parents!)

I don't stand for it so he gets defensive and makes me look bad.

I'm not 6 and there is no comparison. If I want to jump up and down on my couch with mud all over my feet I can because guess what I CLEAN IT! and of course I know better! 

I could have written this... my SD is 8, and not a bad kid, but has been acting like a real brat.