NBR. WWYD with disagreement.

LoriJ11

So 5 years ago dh and I quit drinking. I was 23 and he was 26 at the time. We drank pretty heavily and he got a DUI (charges were dropped) and lots of alcoholism on both sides of families. We weren't sure how long it would be for but we knew we had to stop at the time. Well now I want to have a drink every now and then. Today I had a sip of margarita at a party (was always my fave) on accident because I thought it was lemonade. It made me want a glass so bad!!! Dh is so against it saying it is a huge risk but I think we were young and careless at the time and we have better perspective on life now, more responsible and can have A drink now and then without it being harmful. So my question is, if your dh felt this way would you still have a drink on occasion even if he doesn't think it's a good idea?

SailorGray

LoriJ11:

Today I had a sip of margarita at a party (was always my fave) on accident because I thought it was lemonade. It made me want a glass so bad!!!

I don't know.  See, the fact that you wanted it so bad after just one sip would be a red flag to me, BUT I am the child of an alcoholic and I tend to view these things differently.  I know what my parent's drinking has done to my family and I deal with it every single day. If you honestly think there is a chance you could become one, I would not drink.  

Also, if I knew that it would make my H really upset, I wouldn't do it. A drink just isn't worth it to me.

SusieQ1982

What is it you like? The mix? The liquor? The feel you get while drinking? My answer is different depending.

My first suggestion is to grab a blender and mix up some virgin margaritas and enjoy! See if that satisfies your craving.

LoriJ11

SusieQ1982:

What is it you like? The mix? The liquor? The feel you get while drinking? My answer is different depending.

My first suggestion is to grab a blender and mix up some virgin margaritas and enjoy! See if that satisfies your craving.

I have tried the alcohol free stuff and although it is good it's still not the same. Just like anyone who has a glass of wine and "relaxes" with it I enjoy that. not getting drunk.... I don't miss that at all!

MCC1010

Are we taking about a drink every now and then? Monthly? Weekly? Special occasions which means no made up holidays just to drink . I don't think one drink every now and then is a big issue. Did you ask him why he it bothers him for you to have one drink now?

dragon_chica

I'm with your husband on this.  You read about how alcoholism/addictions is in your genes, therefore, you have a higher risk of becoming one since you have history in your family.  I'm not a big drinker so I guess I don't understand the strong appeal.  But like the pp said, if you had a hankering after just a tiny sip that's a huge red flag that you SHOULDN'T drink for the rest of your life.  Just imagine, you give in and have that ONE drink but it's soooooo good and what's one more going to hurt, right?  You're right on the edge of an empty pool and you're asking us if you should jump to get that thrill back just for a little bit.  And I say no because if you do you'll go splat.

LoriJ11

MCC1010:

Are we taking about a drink every now and then? Monthly? Weekly? Special occasions which means no made up holidays just to drink . I don't think one drink every now and then is a big issue. Did you ask him why he it bothers him for you to have one drink now?

Dh feels the way that the poster below says. Alcoholism in genes. I'm talking about maybe a couple times a month or something like that. He fears that I can't control that because we had a problem in the past. I think we were young and irresponsible. I see everyone's points and dh and I have discussed this for about a year now. I never have had a drink because of the risk and he is so uncomfortable with it. He doesn't think he can drink casually.

dragon_chica

Ok, let's look at it from another angle.  Your DH says he doesn't think he can even drink casually for fear that he might fall off the wagon.  If you decided to go ahead and have a drink every now and then (but based on your reaction to just that sip I highly doubt it'll just be "every now and then) you are providing him with the temptation.  When you as a family decide to change your lifestyle EVERYONE needs to be on the same boat.  It's like eating healthier.  Maybe you want to lose 20 lbs and know you have to eat healthier but your DH goes, "Screw that!  I want my shakes and cakes!"  Do you think it'll be easier or harder for you to stay on your diet if the person you live with doesn't even support it? 

sucrets4

LoriJ11:

MCC1010:

Are we taking about a drink every now and then? Monthly? Weekly? Special occasions which means no made up holidays just to drink . I don't think one drink every now and then is a big issue. Did you ask him why he it bothers him for you to have one drink now?

Dh feels the way that the poster below says. Alcoholism in genes. I'm talking about maybe a couple times a month or something like that. He fears that I can't control that because we had a problem in the past. I think we were young and irresponsible. I see everyone's points and dh and I have discussed this for about a year now. I never have had a drink because of the risk and he is so uncomfortable with it. He doesn't think he can drink casually.

But you're not forcing him to drink.  

Honestly, my gut reaction to how you phrased it is that it's probably not worth the risk.  However, only you know what your feelings are.

I can understand how your H might feel betrayed if you decided to quit together and now you're reneging.  In this situation, it's probably more about the camaraderie rather than the actual drinking.   

BelhurstBride

So your DH quit as well? It sounds like your DH needs to not have the alcohol around for his sake. Would you be happy not drinking for his benefit?

LoriJ11

BelhurstBride:

So your DH quit as well? It sounds like your DH needs to not have the alcohol around for his sake. Would you be happy not drinking for his benefit?

Well this is it exactly. I'm doing it now for him (and dd) which is ok, it's just hard. Maybe it shouldn't be this hard and the answer is I shouldn't drink! Based on all the opinions most think it is a big risk and I love my family, it's just days out by the pool with friends that are KILLER!

sucrets4

LoriJ11:

BelhurstBride:

So your DH quit as well? It sounds like your DH needs to not have the alcohol around for his sake. Would you be happy not drinking for his benefit?

Well this is it exactly. I'm doing it now for him (and dd) which is ok, it's just hard. Maybe it shouldn't be this hard and the answer is I shouldn't drink! Based on all the opinions most think it is a big risk and I love my family, it's just days out by the pool with friends that are KILLER!

So, have a fruity drink with a cute umbrella.  If you SERIOUSLY miss the alcohol, then I suggest not starting drinking again.  

I love having a beer here and there (like right now!) and couldn't once DD started erratic nursing schedules and refusing bottles as an infant.  Of course there were times when I wanted one, but it wasn't that big of a deal.  If you feel drawn to it that much, then I wouldn't risk it.

LoriJ11

Ya that's probably the safest choice. I guess I was hoping people would say "go for it!" but seeing as NO ONE thinks it is a good idea I should do what I have worked at for the past 5 years and start brimming virgin beverages with me and umbrellas. Thanks for all the support ladies!

blissfully_caffeinated

If I were in your shoes I'd give up the booze.

Sure, I like the occasional drink. But I don't need it. There's a big difference there. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't drink. I don't want to drink enough to make Dh worry. kwim? I'm not doubting whether you could handle a drink. I have no idea if you could or not. But if this is something important to Dh I'd follow his lead. He's probably still worried about drinking and knowing you aren't drinking makes him feel better about it.

aocain02@yahoo.com

My uncle was a long time alcoholic. He'd quit drinking and start back up frequently. He passed away in February due to alcoholism, his heart and other organs just stopped working from years and years of drinking. To me, if you've both quit your partying ways and have a history of alcoholism in your family, it's just not with it. I think you've realized that from your latest posts though.

.Fancy.

His fear about you drinking may be more of a projection on the fear he has for himself as to whether or not he trusts himself to drink again,  even only occasionally. If its going to make it hard for him to continue to not drink and that is an issue for him, then I wouldn't even second guess putting a risk like that in my marriage.

LoriJ11

ALG29:

My uncle was a long time alcoholic. He'd quit drinking and start back up frequently. He passed away in February due to alcoholism, his heart and other organs just stopped working from years and years of drinking. To me, if you've both quit your partying ways and have a history of alcoholism in your family, it's just not with it. I think you've realized that from your latest posts though.

I'm sorry for the loss of your uncle. I woke up feeling less of a pull at me this morning. 

On a side note my DD is sitting next to me pointing at your son saying "HI.... HI.... HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII" He is so cute. 

wolverine8

When my DH ever feels strongly about it, we take a lot of time to talk it out. And if there is ever something one of us feels very strongly about then we respect it, no matter how badly we want something. When DH and I started to date he smoked pot a lot and I hated it. It took a lot of talking and working out and now he gets it. He respects and understands why I don't like it and don't want him doing it.

I am with your DH on this one. Sorry. 

ak1234

I am going to say something no one else has said - you are an alcoholic.  A recovering alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless.  As is your husband.  Don't get back on that wagon...your DH is right on this one.  DO NOT START DRINKING AGAIN.

Being young and careless has nothing to do with your drinking habits.

islandgirl79

To answer your question, No I don't think I could have a drink on occasion if my husband felt so strongly against it. 

I think if it was a different past, like maybe he had the problem but you didn't I would feel another way.  But your husband is worried that both of you will get back into the habits you had when you were younger. 

Oh, and good for you guys, five years is wonderful to be sober.  

LSzwaya

I can understand both sides. You are your own person and should be able to be in control of what you do and do not put in your body. Perhaps you CAN handle just one drink. But maybe DH cant handle one drink and seeing you drink will make him want to. If it was really that big of a deal for my DH for me not to drink, I wouldn't.

sleepingbeauty825

I kind of see your side of this. Many of us, myself included, drank heavily when I was younger. It didn't take for my H and I to make a pact to stop or anything, but we did drink a lot. And regularly. I feel like, as a young single person, this is semi normal behavior. BUT if my H felt the way yours does, I would respect his wishes silly as they may be. Maybe he is not ready yet. I think someday you will be able to enjoy a margarita on the beach with your friends, but today is not that day.

LoriJ11

sleepingbeauty825:

I kind of see your side of this. Many of us, myself included, drank heavily when I was younger. It didn't take for my H and I to make a pact to stop or anything, but we did drink a lot. And regularly. I feel like, as a young single person, this is semi normal behavior. BUT if my H felt the way yours does, I would respect his wishes silly as they may be. Maybe he is not ready yet. I think someday you will be able to enjoy a margarita on the beach with your friends, but today is not that day.

haha... this made me laugh. Today is not the day. If he says he is ready someday then I might. I know it is better to stay away. I just wondered what others would do. As hard as it is sometimes I will stay away for DH, DD and myself. Thanks for all the support ladies!  

LoriJ11

sleepingbeauty825:

I kind of see your side of this. Many of us, myself included, drank heavily when I was younger. It didn't take for my H and I to make a pact to stop or anything, but we did drink a lot. And regularly. I feel like, as a young single person, this is semi normal behavior. BUT if my H felt the way yours does, I would respect his wishes silly as they may be. Maybe he is not ready yet. I think someday you will be able to enjoy a margarita on the beach with your friends, but today is not that day.

haha... this made me laugh. Today is not the day. If he says he is ready someday then I might. I know it is better to stay away. I just wondered what others would do. As hard as it is sometimes I will stay away for DH, DD and myself. Thanks for all the support ladies!  

Echowysp

SailorGray:

LoriJ11:

Today I had a sip of margarita at a party (was always my fave) on accident because I thought it was lemonade. It made me want a glass so bad!!!

I don't know.  See, the fact that you wanted it so bad after just one sip would be a red flag to me, BUT I am the child of an alcoholic and I tend to view these things differently.  I know what my parent's drinking has done to my family and I deal with it every single day. If you honestly think there is a chance you could become one, I would not drink.  

Also, if I knew that it would make my H really upset, I wouldn't do it. A drink just isn't worth it to me.

Yeah, the needing a drink so badly after one sip caught my eye too.  I'm also the child of an alcoholic.

mechanicsgirl

We were sort of in this situation.  We never drank recklessly, but DH was very against drinking while I knew that I could drink responsibly. 

Out of respect for DH, I chose not to drink at all, except for one glass of wine at holiday dinners (an agreement we made).  I'm 23, and DH is 25.  This worked fine for us.  

 

Last Christmas, I made rum balls for my father, and DH took a sip of the rum (I'm not sure what provoked that).  He found he liked it, and now we have come to a new agreement:  he is comfortable with us having one drink at home after the kids have gone to bed, or one drink while out on a date.  

 

This is something that made/makes him so uncomfortable, I'm respecting his wishes even though I disagree.  It's not the end of the world to me not to be able to drink, so it doesn't matter enough to fight it.  IMO, pick your battles.

 

If this is important to you, I would sit down and have a discussion about it.  See if you can come to a compromise (i.e. promise to limit it to one drink a night/week/etc, or to do it only in his presence so he can "regulate" it).  

 

ETA:  After going back and re-reading, I'm going to agree with other posters and say that it being so hard after so long suggests there's a bigger issue there.  For me, it was never hard.  I like wine, I like drinks, but I never did it to get drunk and never had an issue with it.  Once I knew DH had a problem with it, I never looked back.  

 

I'd say it's probably best to quit for life.