I desperately need your opinion (im terrified of babysitter)

bellasmom27

Ok moms here's the jist of my family. DH and I never had any help when our daughter was born until she was a little after 1 yrs old. Aside from daycare which she started earlier then that but I mean having help at the house. I just wasn't comfortable having a stranger come to my home and stay with her alone, im just so terrified of things that go on in the world with kids and nannies/sitters :-/ I know I think im over reacting but only bc Im not used to having someone else help me or ask for help at all, even now after the boys are here. I guess we just got so accustomed to being alone with our kids. Anyhow I attempted to actually get a sitter for tonight so DH and I can go to dinner and a movie. Just this once! With my daughter, we didn't have any time alone to go out or spend or went on dates until she was about 1 and a half. Anyways, a friend of mine told me she has a good friend of hers who'd love to babysit my 3 kids tonight so DH and I can go out. Its not a definite yet but if she does come through, she will be coming over earlier this afternoon for DH and I to meet her and talk to her and see if we feel comfortable. Even if we do I'm afraid of leaving my kids with a stranger. Not that she won't be able to handle the job (daughter will be in bed by then anyways) but just trusting someone. Can you guys reassure me that its OK to do something like that and am I wrong to be freaked out? :-/ At the same time Id really want to go out with DH tonight just this one time and then we can wait until the boys are bigger as well..:-/ For those of you who just read this, please give me your input..thank you so much :-/

tinkerbelle

Have you talked to your friend about this friend of hers? (the one willing to babysit)  Has she mentioned anything out of the ordinary, anything that would concern you?  If not, I think you'll be fine.  But, do you think you can leave the house and enjoy your night, or will your mind be back at home, worried about this stranger taking care of the kids? 

 

devinjonesrn

I totally hear ya.  I'm afraid of a stranger as well.  Maybe you could do a sitting swap with another friend who has kids?  That way you know and trust them, and if you offer your services and acutally pick dates instead of saying "someday I'll sit for you too" you won't feel guilty asking?   

 

kafunder

Could you have the sitter come over and stay with the kids for a few hours while your at home, but doing other stuff (napping, yard work, cleaning, etc.) so you could get comfortable with the sitter's style and habits?

KozieKim

kafunder:

Could you have the sitter come over and stay with the kids for a few hours while your at home, but doing other stuff (napping, yard work, cleaning, etc.) so you could get comfortable with the sitter's style and habits?

When I was a teenager and babysitter this what I did to get to know the family and kids. Some kids were perfect and immediately wanted a new "playmate" and some just dont like sitters and cling to the parents. So its better for the kids to get to know the sitter while the parents are home..they too will be uncomfortable being left alone with a stranger they have never been around b4. 

curlygurl

kafunder:

Could you have the sitter come over and stay with the kids for a few hours while your at home, but doing other stuff (napping, yard work, cleaning, etc.) so you could get comfortable with the sitter's style and habits?

This. Also, it sounds like a Nanny Cam might be a good investment for you. This way you could see what's really going on while you're not home which will either (hopefully) give you peace of mind so you CAN get out more often, or (unlikely) will confirm your concerns. I know it's scary but it's SOOOOO important to have some alone and/or couple time every once in a while. GL to you...hope you enjoy your night out and that this sitter is fabulous!

busybea

devinjonesrn:

I totally hear ya.  I'm afraid of a stranger as well.  Maybe you could do a sitting swap with another friend who has kids?  That way you know and trust them, and if you offer your services and acutally pick dates instead of saying "someday I'll sit for you too" you won't feel guilty asking?   

 

I'm at home all.the.time, so if you ever want to do a swap, let me know, ok? and FWIW - I totally understand where you're coming from.  {{HUGS}}

bellasmom27

Busybea I'd seriously pay for your gas in addition to the sitting job for you to drive 45 minutes south to help me put! Haha bring the twins! ;-)

jenkm

I know I'm too late to the thread.  But I think our generation's phobias about babysitters are over the top.  Too much info from the news perhaps? 

I'm not saying you shouldn't be cautious, but you have a reference from a friend.  Not like a stranger from the newspaper.

A tip... I hired 2 teenagers who live on my street to be mother's helpers a couple hours a week when our boys were 4 months old.  Now, it's almost a year later.  I'm comfortable with the girls, they know how we run the household, and we trust them.

I highly recommend going that route.  Find someone local - neighbor, teenagers, whatever, and work with them while you're home for a whlie.  Get to know them and let the kids get to know them.  Then it's easy.

And btw, it'll be easier for your kids to someday have a sleepover if they've fallen asleep without mom there.

 

GL

bellasmom27

Thanks for the good tip jenkm and everyone else..i'll look into it. I did not get to go out with DH tonight, I just wasn't comfortable with a friend's friend. If its a friend of mine then yes but..i dunno..but thanks for all the advices I will work on trying to make something work. :-}

keg

Also, for future information, we've had a lot of luck having DDs' teachers from daycare come and babysit for us.  It works well because DDs are comfortable with them and they know DDs.  And heck, DDs usually behave better for them than us!  We also trust them already and know they can deal with multiple kids. 

groovygrl

I'd ditto the friend swap to get over the initial fear. Also if you belong to a MoM group, they are a great source of references for great sitters who are used to twins. 

You mentioned daycare, do the teachers babysit? I know some daycares have rules against it but ours thankfully does not & our 3 main sitters are former teachers of theirs....

GL. 

lrrb

I have to admit I would TOTALLY go out on a date with my husband and leave the kids.  If its a friend who hooked me up with her friend to sit I would think it was safe to say that they kids are in good hands.  I don't know, I guess I'm just REALLY relaxed when it comes to my kids and sitters.  I only leave my kids with trusted sitters don't get my wrong but I know how important it is to keep my marriage healthy so we do our best to get out a lot (exp when the kids are babies) so we can have "adult" time.  But thats just me.  Hope you find someone in the future you are comfortable with!

busybea

bellasmom27:

Busybea I'd seriously pay for your gas in addition to the sitting job for you to drive 45 minutes south to help me put! Haha bring the twins! ;-)

Don't be silly, I totally know how important a night out with DH can be.... i've only had 2 of those since Nicholas was born.  (sigh)

Lert me know if ever want to take me up on my offer and we could at least meet for coffee halfway so we can officially "meet".  )