I'm Here! Advice for re-introducing Ava to Addy (20 mth) at home?

jeffrae

Hello ladies!  It is official for us now....two under two is now here!  DD2 (Ava) was born exactly 20 months (to the day!) after DD1 (Addy).  We had Addy come to hosptial yesterday am to meet Ava (per pedi's suggestion) - DH brought her here.  I was not holding baby...she was in bassinet when she arrived.  It was just the four of us.  I gave her hugs and showed her my view of the city....then she snuggled in bed with me for a few moments....and then we introduced her to baby sister.

She was excited to see "baby"....she kept pointing and saying baby.  Got upset when we would not let her hold baby.  She was actually upset from when she arrived....I think kind of scary for her.  We gave her jelly braclets from her baby sister (DD1 is loving playing dressup lately).  The visit lasted maybe 30 minutes max?  DD1 cried much of that time (but did give three hugs to sister when i was holding her - that was the only "good" times)....and when she left she let out a cry of what we think was first jealousy.

Due to our baby sitting plans falling through - DH spent most of yesterday with her and spent the night at home.  We have friends to watch Addy this AM so that DH can pick Ava and I up when we are discharged....we will go home, then DH will go bring Addy home to us.

I would LOVE and APPRECIATE any suggestions (or what to expect) on dealing with the introduction and first few days/week of integration of my two beautiful daughters.  FWIW - I had a vag delivery - so I am a little bit more mobile and able to physically interact with DD1...but still have those normal limitations (I figure that may help)

flgator

congrats!  Mine are 22 months apart.  It was hard for DS1 at first.  He was really upset when we first came home and put DS2 on the changing table (I'm not sure why that was such a big deal).  So DH went and got another changing table pad to put in our room, which helped.  We tried to give DS1 attention and kept him on his routine.  I was BFing so I had to spend a lot of time with DS2.  But I tried to spend a lot of time with DS1 when DS2 was sleeping.  Just know it's hard at first and it gets better. 

SPC2007

Congratulations!!!!  No advice but I will be in your same boat in September.  I hope your homecoming goes well with the girls.

JoannaJes

Mine are 20 months apart as well. I don't really have any advice. We didn't do anything differently, and it all went smoothly. Try not to overthink things. Your #1 could have just been tired and confused about the hospital setting or mommy not being around, rather than "jealous" about the baby. The good thing is that babies sleep so much at the beginning, you will have time to lavish a little extra attention on your older DD. GL!

roundtheworldgirl

I don't know whether this is an option for you, but having my family around to pay complete attention to DD1 was really a lifesaver for us.  It was particularly important because I had had a nasty pp hemorrhage and was bedridden for five days following delivery.  She stayed with my folks the first week (this killed me but it was necessary - she also got sick and was running a fever and DH was up to his ears taking care of me and DD2).  The adjustment period took a couple weeks; I think it would have been shorter, had we been able to have DD1 with us the entire time.

I would say the jealousy lasted a month or so.  Now she loves her sister and my only problem is making sure she doesn't love her too aggressively.  

Oh - the holding thing.  We let DD1 hold DD2 once she was no longer sick - DD2 was about 1 week old.  DD1 sat in DH's lap, and then we put DD2 in DD1's lap, with DH holding under her head and legs, of course.  We let her do this multiple times a day, as often as she wanted.  It helped her get to know her sister, and learn early on how to touch her gently.

 

 

CaitlinJ22

Mine are 18 months apart.

Some advice would be to expect some tears in the first 2 or so weeks.

You should try to do at least one thing for your first DD that's routine to keep things semi normal for her. Have your husband and family try to keep her routine as normal as they can while you take care of DD2.

Expect her to give you the cold shoulder for a little while,especially since she'll be getting more attention from others and not you, but remember it will go away fast.  

Also dont be so hard on yourself, know you are doing what you can and soon you all will be adusted and she will never remember not having a sibling. 

I love having 2 u 2, its great. The first 2 wks were rough, but they went by fast and it was much better after that.  

Congrats!