90% Teenager-10% DH and 100% example of why learning about consequences at a young age is important
Ilumine
member
BG - Twice a year the base has a Bazaar. DH works one of the food booths to raise $$ for the Cheifs Group. SS, being in Jr ROTC is required to work 2 hours as pages, during the weekend. And I am on the Board fo the Spouses Group that is running this season's event, so I need to do 2 hours as well.
Special note: the Bazaar is held 20 minutes away. There are hourly shuttles that run between the base and the housing complex (a 10 minute walk for SS to get to). But they are not reliable.
The MINUTE SS joined Jr ROTC, I got on him to figure out this weekend. At that time, he WAS on the Soccer team (quit it because he was not being played...because he never put any effort into it) AND has a weekend job at the commissary. I was VERY adamant that he have this weekend's schedule SET two weeks out so I could set MY schedule.
As of LAST TUESDAY, after two weeks of giving me the same scheduled dates, we were set, with him working today (Saturday) 4-6p. So I set my schedule for the same times, and DH took the afternoon off so he could watch Monkey.
WE BOTH WERE VERY CLEAR THAT WE WERE WORKING OUR SCHEDULES AROUND SS. WE DISCUSSED THIS WITH HIM ON A NUMBER OF OCCASSIONS.
So FF to this morning. SS comes downstairs at 9:15a looking for DH. I give him the WTF look and say "he's gone already." He replies, "He's at the commissary already?" Another WTF look..."No he is working the bazaar."
Well, he goes off because he is now late for work...he doesnt want to walk...its not fair...blah blah blah...
I cut him off - "Excuse me, your supposed to work the Bazaar this afternoon".
He replies "They (the commissary) called me in for Saturday, so I switched my hours."
My reply, "So when were you going to tell yoru Father and I?"
Him "Why does it matter which day I am working?"
Me "because your Dad and I set our schedules to fit yours"
Him "I forgot, but its not like Dad wont be home to watch Monkey. So what does it matter?"
Me "Well, I made plans for Sunday, based on our previously discussed schedule where you were working the Bazaar on Sat and the Commissary on Sunday. Your dad is also set to work all day Sunday. So you are going to have to figure out how to get yourself to the bazaar tomorrow, because I am not going to change MY schedule at such a late date."
SS "your evil, I have to go, this is a requirement, I am giving you 24 hour notice..."
At this point, I step into his line of vision and say "First of all, you did NOT give me 24 hour notice about changing your plans for today, you gave me 15, nor did you mention tomorrow, I had to deduce that on my own. Second, the 24 hour notice was NEVER about us dropping everythingn to suit YOUR needs, it was to check to see if we COULD do it. I cant and I wont."
Him "I have to leave or I will be late...but I am going to call Dad."
I did not say another word.
Re: 90% Teenager-10% DH and 100% example of why learning about consequences at a young age is important
So 10 minutes later, his father calls. He is agast as to SS's sense of entitlement and lack of consideration. Blah Blah Blah.......
I let DH rant for 10 minutes or so and then, because I am still pissed, let DH have it with both barrels.
"Do you remember last Sunday, when at 6pm SS comes downstairs, after being in his room for the entire day, complaining that he has NO clean clothes...that he hasnt done his laundry for 2 weeks. Do you remember how you TOLD HIM, that he could just take our clothes out of the laundry and do his? Even though HIS laundry day is SUPPOSED to be Sat (or any day other than Sunday, which is MY day to to our laundry)?
Please tell me what lesson he learned there? Because it wasn't one about budgeting time. nor did he learn anything about inconveincing other people. And there sure werent any consequences applied, such as 'you dont do your laundry on time, you go without clean clothes.'
So you DONT get to complain about the monster you created, especially to ME and you BEST ensure that I do not hear one effing peep from him or deal with one ounce of pissy behavior from him about this.
And if YOU help him figure this out in any way, then I will stop doing those extra things for him, such as getting him to therapy, since it seems to be a waste because you are not applying the things the therapists are telling you to do."
And then I hung up.
This is why I have been SUCH a firm proponent in consequences as well as punishments. When you are not able negatively affected by your actions, you dont learn from them.
This is also why I have reasonable expectations of my children, because if they dont have to do anything, they will never survive once they move from the house.
And this is why I am going to have to be a hard ass with my DH, because I am not going to continually clean up HIS messes.
***And DH wonders why I dont just take any old job. If I did, how would anything get done? Why should I take on MORE work for something that wont bring me bliss?
Good for you for sticking to the rules!
I am having it with DS17 more than the skids, but they are also starting to push the limits. I already warned DS that he will need to get a job for the summer because 1) his car ins went up due to 2 speeding tickets and 2) I will not be paying for gas for him to run all summer. I pay for gas for driving to school and his sporting practices/events. So now that school will be out in 5 weeks he is in a panic. Oh well, should have thought about that before!
This is said with all the respect in the world b/c I think you know I respect you, but you have been cleaning up DHs messes for years, he still has not learned his lesson.
No, I get it. Totally do. Which is why I am sticking to my convictions on this one.
DH has already left for the bazaar and I am about to head out myself. SS is still upstairs asleep. I have NO idea how he is getting to the bazaar and I do not care. We shall see what happened when I get back this afternoon.