Need your opinions - WWYD about this comment?

sistrkate

Justin and I were having a conversation this morning, and he said something that really made me feel sad for him.  I am trying to decide whether or not to tell DH, and would like your input.

I went out for a few hours last night and DH put the kids to bed.  Justin helped pick up all the toys and books before they went upstairs, and when I got home, DH told me what a big help he was.

This morning, Justin told me, "I helped Daddy pick up the books and toys last night.  I made a big stack out of the books for you."  I told him, "Yes, Daddy told me what a big help you were!  I am proud of you for being so helpful and such a good boy!"

Then he said, really thoughtfully, "I really love Daddy."  I said, "I know you do buddy, Daddy really loves you too."  And then -- he broke my heart.  He said, just as seriously, "I think that Daddy loves Tyler more than me."

Wow.  We really try not to show favoritism between them, and I don't know if this is something real that Justin senses, or if he really just said it to get a reaction (he does a lot of that lately).

I think I should tell my husband, but I know it would really hurt him.  But if it's real, he needs to know, so he can reassure Justin.

What would you do?

MelissaMc22

aw man. That has to pull at your heart strings. =(

What did you say when he said it? Did he answer why?

I  think I would tell my DH depending on the "reasoning" behind it.

If he said it based on something that happened? Or just a general feeling? That makes a huge difference IMO.

Based on what you said, I would probably tell DH, it can't hurt for him to give J some extra encouragement.

hugs.=)

JenRose05

awwww I think kids at that age are super sensitive when it comes to emotions (hence the reason they throw tantrums every 2.5 seconds) I would definitely tell the story to your husband but in the most non-accusing way possible. Not that you would point fingers or anything! Like Mel said, it wouldn't hurt for Tom to give Justin a little extra encouragement from day to day, even if what Justin "feels" is inaccurate

gandcnky

Aw, poor guy.  Did he say why he thought that?  If not, I'm sure you don't want to bring it up with him again, but if he told you, it might temper how you handle it.  I would probably mention it to DH.  If nothing else, he can be aware of how he treats the boys, even though I'm sure he hasn't intentionally done anything to make Justin feel that way.  You can let him know that you don't know why Justin feels this way or if it's just something he said to get a reaction, and maybe that won't make him feel so bad.  That's a hard situation to handle.

adamsbabble

Awww. 

I think you should tell your DH because I think he would want to know.  I would want to know.  As sad as this may seem, I think it's wonderful that Justin felt he was able to share his feelings with you, and because he did, you guys have the chance to talk it out and reassure him.

Moesten

I will echo exactly what these ladies said. Whether Justin's perceptions of reality are accurate or not, he is (or was) feeling something. DH should be aware of that so he can be extra vigilant in his interactions with the boys.  

johnandkristin

I agree with everyone else:)

That's hard. I've been waiting for Jack to say something like this, and I don't quite know how I would respond either.

Awe:( I'm sure he knows that he is very loved by both of you:)

KYmama9286

Aww :-( Did he give any more details? I would definitely talk with Tom about it and maybe not even mention the specifics of what he said but say that you've noticed that Justin was feeling insecure lately or seemed to be needing extra praise and attention. It could maybe be from just the simple fact of the age difference. Justin is at an age where he is  more independent and can do more things by himself/for himself and Tyler isn't there yet so by default he gets "more" attention because he requires it. Maybe see if Tom can plan a special afternoon just the two of him-- I always really loved spending one on one time with either parent since it was so rare for my parents to be ABLE to do something one on one.

anotapotamus

Just as a thought though - (I would tell my H) if your H chooses to approach J about it - under no circumstances should he say "when you were talking to your mom, you said...". J confided in you and you don't want to toy with that. If your H approaches him that way, then J knows what you tell him goes straight back to H - and he may feel like his confidence in you was broken.

This might be a good time to show J how to handle things directly. "J, if you feel that way, have you asked Dad about it? I'm sure Dad wouldn't want to hurt your feelings. Maybe we can talk to him about it together."

teacherjess

Poor little guy! Whether what he is perceiving is real or not, it's definitely got to be addressed. Kids are very sensitive and emotional at this age, so I think it's important to confront what he said and straighten things out. It would kill me to tell my DH that he said that, though! Good luck!

Miller238

I would definitely tell my husband. Obviously, as others said, he should't confront Justin about it and ask him why he feels that way.  He could just start praising him for little things or something like that.  Kids are very sensitive at this age.  I hope everything works out!  GL!

allobosc

That is a toughy, I could maybe see us going through a similar thing in my house.  I'd tell DH probably and the pps had good ideas.