Foster ladies- Oh wow.. possible placement(long)
hoping4more
member
I love placement calls, they always make me feel so many emotions!
This call is definitely out of my perceived comfort zone. We are a foster/foster2adopt home, meaning we will take straight foster placements as well as placements that could be adoptable in the future. This is for a (likely) straight foster placement.
We are a young family, DH is in his early 30's and I am (almost) 24. We have a bio DD almost 5 and a FD who is almost 1. We pray to adopt the baby. We just opened ourselves up to taking another placement. My requested age is 0-6 years, either gender. I (think) I am a mature lady for my age, have to be with all my life experiences.
The call we got today was for a young teenaged girl. Apparently they are looking for a "big sister" type placement. They want a home where the foster parents are younger and can relate more. So, they think we are a good fit.
This girl is apparently a well behaved child. She does not have outbursts, and listens fairly well to rules. She is however having a hard time since her future is so unknown. Court in late summer will determine whether she will return home or remain in care. She tends to withdraw and require space which her current foster home is not providing the space and gentle support she needs. Her only downfall has been getting caught at school last week (for the first time) with weed. Her workers believe that the consequences will prevent further usage. They also believe since she is not getting the support she needs in her (foster) home she is turning to these things. (So they believe in a home better suited to her she will stay away from these bad choices.)
Anyway, my heart is torn. I was not initially prepared for this opportunity. A part of me is really scared and thinking "I can't do this!" but I think it is more the fear of the unknown then the fear I actually cannot do it. I can do anything for 4 months with proper supports. I say 4 months since once court is over if she is to remain in care we can then request her to be moved to a permanent home (or if it is working we can have her remain here.) Of course if it really does not work we can request earlier removal, but I am against breaking down the placement if possible.
Another part of me wants to go for it. It is a life experience and I will not know if I can do it unless we try. We want to foster to help children and this will be helping. There are benefits of an older child vs. a smaller one: she will be in school during the day, able to help out around the house more, etc. There are also negatives too.
Again, I am torn and looking for advice. I know in the end this is our decision and our decision only but I would appreciate input. We will be discussing this weekend as a family, with my parents, with my best friends, etc. We will also be making lists of questions to ask the worker if we are thinking of saying yes. We will contact her again Monday. Thanks ladies!
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Re: Foster ladies- Oh wow.. possible placement(long)
Wow! What a big decision. My husband and I are similar ages to you and yours, and we also have 2 kids. I think that for me, it is something I would take on if I did NOT have other small kids, but it would be too much with them. I think I would worry that I wouldn't have enough to give to all three of them!
BUT - I feel like in reading your post, you are really feeling like you want to do it, which is great! You know all of the questions you need to ask and ultimately, you will make the right decision.
I know this isn't much help, but I didn't want to read and not respond. Good luck on your decision!
I'll chime in with a 1 cent opinion ( I don't get 2 cents, I'm not in the foster world, and on the edge of adoption efforts myself, lol) but I would consider this placement to be a "major investment" for you/your family.
Something new, unknown, you'll need extra support, very emotional, potential for high reward, potential for high risk.
While I myself could consider something like that, it would pain me/us to just do it short term. I would want more time, or something a bit more permanent, myself.
Regardless of your decision, you seem like a wonderful family for even considering it. My thoughts are with that young lady. It must be such a scary time for her. ;-(
Go for it! I was a foster Mom to two little boys, ages 1 and 3 when I got them and 2 and 4 when they left (could I just say that there isn't a day that goes by where I don't miss them like CRAZY!). I'm also a middle school teacher, and have taught some AMAZING kids who happen to be in foster care. The MOST important thing for kids that age is 1) responsibility and 2) accountability. Giving her space to be herself and do what she needs to, while setting rules that work for your family and for her are very important. Also, set up some rules and some consequences for those rules ahead of time. You will probably hear "That's not fair." a lot, but its part of having a teenager.
Talk to some friends who have teenagers, or ask if there's a foster family that works with teens you could talk to.
I'll be praying for your choice! Best of luck!