Austin Babies

Can I be Debbie Downer for a minute? re: moving

It's really hit me hard lately how much I miss Austin.  And I finally told DH last weekend that I am miserable here.  I'm having a really hard time making friends, even though I've tried my hardest to meet people through MOPS, church, working out.  I guess it doesn't help that we've been cooped up for the last 6 months (because you can't exactly get outside a lot with an infant and 5 feet of snow) but I just hate it here.  I hate that everyone else has set friends and I'm the new girl and I feel like I have to pester people to hang out.  I've asked a couple of ladies to go get coffee sometime and they told me they were busy, but they'd let me know when they were free.  OK...well it's been a few weeks and I think, "Do I email them and ask again or will they really let me know when they're free?"  I did bring it up again and got the same answer, so I just have to assume that they really are busy. 

DH and I have tried to join a Bible study from our class at church but we were basically told that we can't bring the kiddo and will have to find a babysitter.  Well, um, that's great, but we don't exactly have the money for a sitter every week and if we did have the money, I'd rather hire the sitter so we can go out on a date.  What we've found is that pretty much everyone we know has family in town (it's a small town) or close by and someone from their family can come over and watch the kids.  We have family in the state and an aunt and uncle not too far away (that are almost empty nesters) but I can't ask them to watch our child every week, KWIM? 

Sorry - I don't know that there's really a point to this.  I'm hoping that I can meet some moms at the park or splash park once it's warm.  I'm so lonely I can't stand it.  It's totally affecting my demeanor and my marriage because I'm miserable.  

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Re: Can I be Debbie Downer for a minute? re: moving

  • Are you in Indy proper?  what side?  One of my BFFs just had a baby over Christmas (so there'd be a little bit of an age difference), but she's super sweet and I could e-introduce you guys.  She lives south. 

    other ideas - do either of you guys play sports?  i know it'd be hard for you to both play a sport at the same time, but if one of you could (especially you) while DH watches the baby, that would be a good way to meet people.  That's how I met my first friends in Austin when I moved here from Indiana...  I'm sure there are lots of softball leagues popping up now that the weather is turning nicer (or should be when it finally stops raining for y'all). 

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  • I'm sorry. I can't even imagine how hard it would be to move and start over building up a social network and peer group.

    (((hugs)))

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  • I'm so sorry.  Moving is so hard and it can really take time to find people you click with.  Hang in there, it'll happen.

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  • I feel your pain. It sucks to leave all of your friends and family. And it's even harder when you SAH since you can't even make friends through work.
  • Oh honey, I'm sorry.  How long have you been there?  I felt this same way for the first 4-5 months after we moved.  It was cold, we were cooped up, I didn't know anyone, everyone ELSE seemed to know each other, small town, etc.  I get it.  Being lonely SUCKS and I felt like such a loser when I'd go somewhere and see moms having coffee and I was alone, then I felt sad for my kids because we'd left behind all these great kids for them to play with and now we were alone.  Something just clicked for me after the new year.  We started going to the Y more often (I tried to do that right after we moved here, DS hated the childcare center and freaked OUT, but we slowly got him used to it).  Anyway, that was the biggest thing for me.  I made small talk with anyone in the gym or class who looked semi-normal and would stand still long enough to small talk, and finally, ONE girl took pity on me and friended me on FB.  Then I got invited to a book club, and since then, have gotten to know a lot of great girls and feel like I have some awesome new friends up here.  I invited some girls I liked over for a play date and that's become a regular thing that's really helped bond me to my new friends - just keep reaching out!  I know you said you're working out - are you doing any classes?  I got to know the one girl who friended me when I started going to Zumba.  It was a lot easier to strike up conversations in a class setting than it was on a treadmill (awkward....)

    I think the warmer weather will help, too.  I took the kids to the park this morning and there were moms and kids everywhere, it's like everyone is finally coming out of hibernation.  Just do your best to make small talk wherever you go and something will eventually click for you.  Hang in there!  I miss Austin, too, and miss my friends there terribly, but this is where we're at and I try to focus on the many positive aspects of our new life here and not idealize the life we left behind.  Good luck!

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  • We moved a ton when I was younger. Like, 5 new states by the time I was in fourth grade. My mom became an expert at packing a house/ moving her family. Anyway, she always told me that it take a good three years before a new place feels like home. Three years before the people you "know" become the people you call "friends."

    I know it seems like a long time, but have hope! It sounds like you're really putting yourself out there. Keep it up and it'll pay off. 

    (((hugs)))

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  • imageMrs.Purdue:

    Are you in Indy proper?  what side?  One of my BFFs just had a baby over Christmas (so there'd be a little bit of an age difference), but she's super sweet and I could e-introduce you guys.  She lives south. 

    other ideas - do either of you guys play sports? 

    We're NW of Indy.  I'm always up for e-intros.  Maybe your friend and I could meet at the Zoo or Children's Museum sometime. 

    Thanks, Ladies.  I know it will take some time.  I just wish it wasn't so hard.  :(

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  • I'm so sorry (((hugs)))

    Keep at it, though. I really think once the weather warms up, you'll have a better chance - especially with other mothers.

    Also, are you a member/in love with your church? In a small town, it may be the only option, but if not ... is there another church that would be more kid friendly? Churches are usually great places to meet friends.

    Good luck! I have high hopes for you and Spring Smile

  • I am in your boat as well!  Its not just you - it is really, really tough to make friends when you're new to the area and cooped up for any reason. I have been doing kind of the same thing mlf is doing - going to spin classes, finding running groups, etc - but haven't really clicked with anyone.  I have made facebook friends, but being a tiny bit shy doesn't help.  Its like you've got to pretend you are a lot bolder than you are and talk to people. Its definitely not easy.

    Lets see.. I've also met a few people through Yelp and Meetup, and I'm seeing stroller strides around here - have you checked out those for groups you might fit?  Part of my problem is the groups that I'd fit are far away, and, uh, its hard to butt into other people's lives. :P  But I guess.. it just takes time.

  • imagemcurban:

     Anyway, she always told me that it take a good three years before a new place feels like home. Three years before the people you "know" become the people you call "friends." 

    mc's mom is a wise woman. we had to make all new friends a few years ago and it felt like it took for.ev.er. i was so lonely and would cry about it to dh all the time. i would say to just keep doing what youre doing and putting yourself out there, especially as the weather gets nicer. my best friends are now other mommies with kids the same age, so try to talk up other moms at the park or gym or wherever.

    is the local board for your area active at all? do you post often? could you plan a playdate that way? i did several playdates when ruby was a newborn through this board and met one of my best friends that way.  

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  • I'm so sorry!  That is tough and I know how that feels.  We moved here almost 5 years ago, and I still feel like that sometimes.  I miss family a ton and we are alone down here.  I know I have met a bunch of people living here, but I only have a couple that I would consider real friends, someone I could call at 2am if I needed to type friends.  People I can 100% be myself around.  It is so hard to make friends as you get older.  Keep trying!  Is the local bump board active in your new area?  Are there any meetup.com groups in your neighborhood for moms with little ones?  Once the weather gets nice, you could meet other moms and little ones at the pool and park. :)
  • I've never heard of meetup.com - I'll have to look into that!  The Bump board is pretty active, but it's folks from all over the state.  I'm going to have to see if they have any NW GTG. 
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  • GL, I know it's tough...hopefully the local board has some GTGs or something.  also, when I took a prenatal yoga class a few weeks ago, the teacher mentioned there was also a PP yoga class where you could take your LO.  maybe try going to one of those if they have one in your area?  
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  • I am so sorry, sweetie.  I grew up here in Austin and I still feel that way from time to time.  Making friends as an adult is so hard.  Hang in there, keep doing what your're doing... you are going to be just fine.
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