Bummed, any working moms or former working moms of SN kids

skittles_123

This working mom of a SN kid is just so hard. I had my annual perf evaluation and I got dinged for, well, having to spend too much time taking care of personal things with him via phone, insurance, etc. I knew this was bound to happen someday, surprised not before now. I just don't know how else to manage all of this. Any advice?

JenGK

Were you dinged for taking time off to take him to therapy?  Or for taking care on insurance things during the workday?  Time spent on medical appts., etc. is covered by the FMLA, so they shouldn't be able to ding you for that so long as you follow the FMLA procedures.

As for insurance, I've had to spend way too much time working on that stuff -- I can recall calls where I have been on the phone for an hour at a time.  Is it possible to make those calls before you get to the office?  Or maybe come in early and take some time in the middle of the day?  I'm lucky in that I have an hours commitment for the year, so no one generally cares if I take some time in the middle of the day.  If all else fails, can you delegate some calls to your husband?

duchess0727

So far I'm really lucky because my group of 10 has 8 people with kids and many of them have outside obligations related to their kids as much as I do.  I make my personal phone calls in a quiet room so no one knows if I'm in the bathroom or at lunch or wherever.  I need to be home about 6 mornings a month for therapy (we do 3 sessions a week and alternate between school and home and my husband does some) but a few of my coworkers don't come in until 10 anyways so they don't tend to notice the days I show up at 10 because of therapy.  I make my insurance calls or doctor appt calls on the way to/from work if I can or during lunch if I'm running errands.  I would be candid with your supervisor and just say, I will do my best to do these things on my personal time (i.e. during lunch, during a break, on my way to/from work) but do you have any suggestions? Should I be taking PTO for this time? I think you should consider whether your husband can help out as well.  I do most of our phone calls but when my husband sees that I'm getting overwhelmed, we figure out which calls he can make.  I didn't get dinged, but it was noticed that I leave every day by 5:30/5:45 even when other people work late.  I told my boss this is something I need to do - I need to be with my kids from 6-8:30 and then I'm happy to get back on the computer, blackberry, phone to do more work after and he sees my work is getting done so he said this is acceptable.  I'm dreading when we are in public school because right now my daughter is in daycare and the hours are more flexible.  But I know I'm just going to have to use my PTO more and get my husband to help out.  It's tough to manage and sometimes I think we just have to accept that this is something that will show up in our reviews and we can just be ok with it.  Everyone takes care of personal stuff at work - as long as it's not impacting your ability to do your job, your boss shouldn't give you a hard time.  I would just focus on doing it when they won't see or notice.  Good luck!

skittles_123

Yeah, the therapy runs aren't what get me dinged. It is the phone calls. I am usually using my lunch hour to do making runs that, or using PTO, or my dh and parents help out. See, I have no windows on my office door, so I like to keep it open, even during these calls. But, I think I may just have to shut it from now on or walk outside to talk on my cell.

My dh doesn't have any therapists numbers, but that is something I am going to program on his cell asap, so he can start taking care of some of this for me. Other than that, I don't see any other options. Insurance is my deal, and alot of times I have to be sitting down looking at paperwork while talking with them, so doing it while driving usually isn't an option. I don't trust my dh to understand all that goes into the insurance stuff, that is my baby.

MirandaHobbes

It is a major bummer. FMLA or not, there will always be a stigma. For me, it's all about me trying to leave at a reasonable time. I get chided as being "lazy" or "whining" if I start asking around what's on tap for the evening (I work a FT day job but there is a lot of after-hours work. We try to take turns and I have earned the reputation of the one that always wants to go home.) It's hard because no way do I want to be hanging around the office instead of being home with DS, whom I see about a whopping 1.5 hours a day (since he goes to bed so darn early), but at the same time, I love my job and am working towards a management position. FWIW- simply being on the phone a lot doesn't seem like much a violation to me- your boss needs to lighten up!!

duchess0727

I definitely understand on the insurance stuff.  I do all that too because my husband would get totally overwhelmed. Usually I spend an hour or two at night getting all my paperwork organized and then I slip into a quiet room to call to speak with a rep.  Definitely start closing your door even for work related calls so that your supervisor gets used to it and then won't know if you are in there for work or personal.  We have an open environment (no offices or cubes) so it's a huge pain but I generally can get into a quiet room or take my cell phone outside. 

Justinlove

My job as a teacher has worked out since I am at work REALLY early in the morning, but in turn get to leave in the early/mid afternoon.  I don't have quite the same issues as you because of my schedule, but will say that DH handles all calls that need to be made/received before 3pm.  I have told daycare, therapists, etc. to only call my cell if it is an emergency.  Otherwise, all the doctors, etc. have DH's cell and not mine.  His bosses are amazing and they are super flexible with him doing comp time, etc.

I agree with pps. Close that door!  Even with work calls so that it doesn't appear that you are doing it just for personal things.  Delegate what you can to DH (sounds like that is your plan as well).  Also, I was suprised to find out that my insurance does have Saturday morning and evening hours for claims issues. 

I hope that it gets better for you soon! 

ela81

I am having a lot of anxiety about working, it is not easy. I spend most of my time at work thinking about what I could be at home with/for Isabel. I don't have the most understanding supervisor so of course it makes me hate being there that much more. Sorry, no advice. ((hugs))