If MIL does this at shower WWYD? (Long)

NatesWife81510

Okay so I have posted one other time about my psycho MIL. Well I wasn't even going to invite her to my shower, but DH felt I should at least be the bigger person invite and then if she doesn't come fine, she has shown NO interest in this pregnancy, does NOT want to be a grandma as she is going on marriage number 4 and "feels she is too young to be a grandma" (the text we received after we told her we were expecting).

Well we haven't seen MIL since July of last year, meaning we obviously didn't see her for Christmas, she did not try to contact us other than Christmas morning sent an in car message (she is a dispatcher) to DH that said Merry Christmas I have presents for you. DH didn't care to see her so we didn't. There are several reasons why, I listed some in a previous post...

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/50778840.aspx  

Well she is coming to my shower in May and DH put a wonderful thought in my head....She is the type who will show up to the shower 30 minutes late carrying in a bundle of Christmas sacks and Christmas wrapped presents so everyone will go why do you have Christmas Presents? And she can reply with one of her usual kind comments like "Well someone has kept my baby boy so busy I haven't seen him in that long....and go on an on"

So my plan was that if I see her walking in with Christmas Presents to greet her at the door and say look this is not the time/place for them please take them back out to your car. DH seems to think I should just let her bring them in and make herself look like an idiot (since most people know the stories about her). WWYD? 

Also as far as seeing her between now and the shower to do Christmas, between other baby showers I have and DH with military training weekends there is not a chance we can see her before the shower. Yes including Mothers Day weekend we never have seen her nor we will start this year. I forced DH to send a card and that will go in the mail. 

CocoBrynne

I really think TB needs a support board just for us dealing with BSC MIL's.  My MIL also excels at trying to make whatever event (including my wedding) all about her.  Thankfully tho you understand that your relatives know what she's like so they should be used to it, and if anything will feel sorry that you're stuck with such a loon.

If she pulls a stunt like you think she will I would have your shower hostess or a designated person who is in charge of coraling her and quietly steering her aside with the Xmas gifts and let her know it's not the time or the place and that she needs to leave them in the car or in a coat closet.  Somewhere not in the middle of your baby shower.

miller4285

Sounds like you've already been the bigger person. So I don't see the need for the invite to have gone out at all. Sounds like you and he KNOW it was just an invitation for drama on your happy day Which probably makes her day!

MarshaBrady

It sucks that you can't see her before then and get it over with.  That was going to be my suggestion before I read the last part. 

I have a somewhat similar situation w/my MIL & FIL.  We have only seen them one time in the last 8 months and that was at a family event around Christmas.  They have shown no interest in the baby, but once MIL got the shower invite in the mail, she decided she HAD to see us.  I know the only reason she insisted on seeing us is so that it is less awkward for HER at the shower and she doesn't have to tell people she hasn't seen me since Christmas. 

But all of my friends, and most of my family and her family knows how crazy she is.  So although she tries to make everything about her and it sucks that my shower has to be overshadowed by her nonsense, at least most everyone knows that she is the crazy one.

So I would say, let your MIL act like a fool and everyone will see her as the fool, not you.  Just try to ignore her and enjoy your shower!

colorschemer

I say let her make an errr... rear-end of herself. You're all in the same town, probably know most of the same people. They know who she is, know what she does. The ones who don't will ask the ones who do and get the whole story. All you need to do it sit back and roll your eyes. Don't play. It just helps her make it about her.

kgunz11

Depending upon your relationship to the shower hostess(es), I would explain the situation to them and the possibility of her making a big To-Do with Christmas presents.  Ask them to intervene on your behalf and stop her before she starts.

You don't need to worry about having to deal with that on your shower day, but I'll be d*mned if I could just sit back and let her act like that.  Regardless of whether or not people know she's crazy, it'll still be an awkward moment during the shower which neither you nor your guests need to experience.

Good luck.  She sounds like a peach.

tarajerry01

Yes, I would have someone who is designated to place shower gifts where they belong at the shower as people arrive.  When crazy MIL arrives, just have that person "aware" and if there are Christmas gifts then they can already have your car keys and tell the MIL "oh yes they mentioned if you brought the Christmas gifts to load those in the car.  They want to open those in private."  Then that person should take the gifts out to the car.  All done.

I would say to ignore her and allow her charade etc. but that is best for those people whom you want to completely cut out of your life.  Since you are stuck with her you may as well be one step ahead and cut her off at the pass time after time.  Trust, she will likely try and find another way to tick you off if that is the plan - but you won't fall into her traps.  You will sit and smile and shake your head as if to say "oh what a silly woman she is hahahehe"

aichandaich

If she says this: "Well someone has kept my baby boy so busy I haven't seen him in that long..." and go on an on...

Break that s$#( wide open and say back: "This coming from someone who has said that she is 'too young to be a grandma' and shown absolutely no interest in your 'baby boy's' child"

Ok maybe that is not very mature... but it sure felt good writing... 

Or stick a bitchy friend or your mom on her... I had to do that at my wedding for my dad's girlfriend. No shame whatsoever.

MilMom2B

tarajerry01:

Yes, I would have someone who is designated to place shower gifts where they belong at the shower as people arrive.  When crazy MIL arrives, just have that person "aware" and if there are Christmas gifts then they can already have your car keys and tell the MIL "oh yes they mentioned if you brought the Christmas gifts to load those in the car.  They want to open those in private."  Then that person should take the gifts out to the car.  All done.

I would say to ignore her and allow her charade etc. but that is best for those people whom you want to completely cut out of your life.  Since you are stuck with her you may as well be one step ahead and cut her off at the pass time after time.  Trust, she will likely try and find another way to tick you off if that is the plan - but you won't fall into her traps.  You will sit and smile and shake your head as if to say "oh what a silly woman she is hahahehe"

I agree with all this. This is a really mature way of dealing with possible Christmas presents. The other options (including you trying to head her off) just draw more attention to it and to her.

I also agree with you just sitting back and relaxing and doing your best to ignore her. If she tries to dominate conversation the hostesses or your close friends and family can change the direction of it or announce the next "to do" for the shower. I think if you try to hard to "manage" her you'll just end up making it into a bigger deal.

NatesWife81510

Thanks Ladies:) I talked to my Mom and she will watch for her and if she comes in with Christmas stuff she will ask her to take them back out to her car or set them in a corner. Fingers crossed that MIL will cooperate.

damabo80

I would say let her make a fool out of herself bringing in Xmas presents. Is there a room off to the side where you can direct that she place any "non-shower" items?

llcoolay

I would say "Thank you" and take the presents.....geesh 

CCinLove

llcoolay:

I would say "Thank you" and take the presents.....geesh 

I'm in this camp.  I wouldn't waste any time planning for some event that I have no indication will actually happen.  You're overthinking this.

That being said, my aunt did something similar at my bridal shower.  She waited until all eyes were on me to present me with a large picture of my deceased mother.  I thanked her, put it aside, and went back to what I was doing.