Please read... I need your opinion. Thanks

hpfreak2011

Ok... to start off this post, I will start with the fact that I am scared to death to admit all I'm about to say.

During my pregnancy with DD2, I was EXTREMELY hormonal but the thought of PPD scared me to the point that I didnt want to talk about the feelings I was having. DH and I would fight about the stupidest things and I would sometimes wish I wasn't having his baby so I could leave. (I would never normally think those thoughts nor would I leave) When DD2 was born, MIL stayed with us for a couple weeks and dealing with her craziness was more than I could bare....

The way she worded things made me feel uncapable of taking care of my kids. She, of course, wanted to spend as much time with her new granddaughter as she could. But the way she worded it was like this, "Do you need me to take her?" It made me feel like she thought I "couldn't" take care of my baby. I wasn't thinking that she just wanted to hold her and give me a break.

At one point, MIL talked to DH and she said that I wasn't "sharing" DD2 with her enough. I explained to DH that I was trying to let her hold, feed, play, cuddle her as much as I felt ok with but I also needed my time with her because those first 2 weeks are very important for mother/baby bonding. Of course MIL saying that made me feel like I was a selfish biitch.

 At one point I wished i hadn't bonded with DD2 so intensly because then it wouldn't hurt as much as it did when I thought about walking out of the house and just leaving.I couldn't even look at her face without balling my eyes out. I sometimes feel that my family would be better off without me.

I cry at least once a day, I have feelings of anxiety, worry, anger, frustration, and worthlessness.

I know I need to talk to my Dr about the feelings I have but it scares me to DEATH that I might have to "depend" on a pill to be happy again. I am angry with myself that I can't make myself happy. I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face because I am so upset and scared about this.

Did any of you have these fears about the medications or anything like that? Are my fears crazy or what??? Please tell me what you would do in this situation.

Thank you so much if you got this far. I really appreciate it.

P.S. I have started taking Vitamin B complex and I am on a hormonal BC pill that also has vitamin B in it.

ladipale

((( hugs )))

All of what you have said I have thought. I have definitely considered leaving and not coming back, thinking my husband and daughter would be much better off without me.I'm glad I told my OB what I was feeling. She hooked me up with a therapist and knew what to say and how to say it. The therapist got me set up with a psychiatrist.

I debated for quite a few weeks on whether or not to take meds. In the end, I knew it won't be forever and realized if I had heart disease or  a broken leg or something else, I would treat it with meds, why not this? Its not worth it for my family to be miserable and anxious.

My advice, talk to your OB, get hooked up with a therapist and start there.

smj2301

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, it really sucks. Many hugs to you.

I had a lot of the same worries about taking meds, admitting to my doctor the thoughts and feelings I was having, going to see a therapist, etc.  These worries kept me from making the appointment with my OB for too long and by the time I saw her I don't think I could've gone one more minute without seeking help.

It turned out that none of my fears came true.  Everyone at my doctor's practice was wonderful and I didn't feel weird or judged.  When I told my OB that if DS would take a bottle I would've left him with my H because, although I loved them very very much, I could no longer be around them and they deserved better than me, she didn't recoil in horror - she gave me a hug and spent a lot of time talking to me.  She gave me a prescription for zoloft since it's considered safe to take while BFing and she gave me a referral to a psychiatrist to have my meds monitored.

That was at the end of January and I am now feeling a million times better.  I only had mild side effects for a few days and I don't feel numb or overly happy, I just feel normal again.  I enjoy spending time with my H and DS and I'm sad that I wasted so much time fighting myself about whether or not to seek treatment.

Bottom line- No, I don't think your fears are crazy.  Make an appointment with your doctor ASAP and get on the road to recovery.  Best wishes to you.

hpfreak2011

Thank you both so much! I will call my OB first thing Monday morning. I don't want to feel that I missed out on happiness the last 5 monthswhen I could have just taken care of these feelings.

I am now excited to talk to my OB and get back to my normal self.

Again, thanks so much.

smj2301

jlhinkley:

Thank you both so much! I will call my OB first thing Monday morning. I don't want to feel that I missed out on happiness the last 5 monthswhen I could have just taken care of these feelings.

I am now excited to talk to my OB and get back to my normal self.

Again, thanks so much.

Let us know how your appointment goes.  I really hope that you get the help you need and deserve so you can get back to your old self and enjoy life again :-)

sophiet496

I absolutely had th esame feelings as you toward the meds...and even admitting I had PPD/PPA.  My breaking point was when  had to go back to work...I started having panic attacks about being able to handle it all.  I was very opposed to meds.  Like you said, I didn't want to feel dependent on anything for my happiness.  But in the end, I did try them with the mindset that it's not forever.  Just to get my family through this rough patch.  It's been about a year for me, and I'm just getting to a place where I can think about weaning off soon...Talk to your doctor!