Really struggling...one year ago now

connor mom

Hi all

I hate to post a sad post in the midst of all the recent happy ones   but I am struggling and thought this might be the place to turn to and at least write what I am feeling. I think there are people here who have experienced what we are still dealing with. You all have helped before

 It will be one year ago this Saturday that we had to say goodbye to baby girl K. One year ago Friday will be the day we got the results of the patenity test, showing the husband was indeed K's father, and the next day we had to say goodbye.

I miss her dearly. I think of her every day...even though I know she would not remember me as mommy. But I was mommy...from one day old to six months old. I cherished every day of the six months she was ours.Time has not made the hurt go away.

Our son has done well. He does not ask about his sister really any more...one in a while he asks about a toy or something or where his sister is. We do try to still keep photos and any discussion of her away from him. It's too hard for us to explain yet....he's just 3 now.

It is so hard. For those of you that have followed our story...I still have never been able to bring myself to respond to birth father's FB friend request. I could not bear to be his 'friend" and don't ever want to talk to him or have him know about our family...but I also can't bring myself to delete the request for some reason. I am sure his request and renaming the baby (with something extremely close to my name...not a coincidence) came from a good place. I like to think he was grateful for all we did for baby girl, when he was not even aware she existed. I have followed their divorce case and like to hope baby girl is doing well with him. Ever since he knew she existed, he seems to have tried to truly be her father.

I just wish it hadn't turned out this way. I wish she had been able to stay with us. I miss her. Don't get me wrong -  I thank God every day for our son, and we are blessed to have him-he is my continual blessing and goodness and I am forever grateful that God brought his life to ours. I just miss being her momma too.

Anyway...long rambling sad post...I know...but am hoping some of you may understand or offer hopeful words that this will eventually get easier. This week is a tough one especially.

Thanks for reading

MrsKolasa

There are just no words. I'm so sorry.

Sending you love and hugs.

HannaB

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you.

CaptainSerious

I was actually just thinking about you last week.  I can't believe it's been a year already.  I am so very, very sorry for your loss.  I can't imagine the hurt you live with every day.

Have you thought about approving his fb request, but blocking him from seeing any of your information?  It's an option, if you want to see information about K, and think that it would be more helpful than wondering.

mommymoore2011

I am so sorry, and I want you to know that I accept and feel for your loss in it's whole. I lurk on this board all the time to offer support.

Art Teacher

I'm so very sorry for all of the pain you're feeling.  I do hope things get easier each day.  I just feel really bad for everything you're going through.

Go_Dawgs

I'm so sorry

jehnm

You have no idea how much I think of you and keep you in my prayers!  We only had our K for a brief couple of weeks, but I still miss her and think of her as the daughter I lost.  I can relate to the pain and I think we will forever feel like we were their moms and they were taken from us.  I'm so sorry it is such a painful experience and so full of heartache.  Any time you need to post your feelings or share, please do. 

soon2Bkranz

To say hugs and I am so sorry feels so lame...But its all I have...Lots of thoughts with all of you

FinallyMrs.G

Thoughts and prayers to you! I can't believe its been a year. I hope she is in good hands. I can understand not wanting to get rid of his friend request even if you can't be friends with him.

starbuck71

I have followed your story and it just breaks my heart.  I have a two month old now and the birth father rights have not yet been terminated.  It would kill me if the BF suddenly resurfaced.  I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that your pain is completely understandable, even if it happened 10 years ago.  Stay strong and hopefully the pain will lessen with each passing day.

baze2

I am so sorry. What a heartbreaking story. She will always have a piece of your heart! 

rach2100

I am so sorry.  T&Ps being sent to help ease the heartbreak.  {{HUGS}}

butterfly843

Sending hugs

jani7

I can not imagine the pain you experienced.  I am so sorry you had to go through that (and are still going through it- i know it isn't something that goes away)  ((hugs))

silliestbunny

I am so sorry for your pain....

lolo2011

OMG I am so sorry for your loss.  I could not even imagine that.  I hope you get a tiny bit of comfort knowing that the BF loves her and wanted her.  It wont stop your pain I know but maybe knowing she is being taken care of.  So sorry. 

forensicmama

Lurking. I just wanted to express how very sorry I am. I just cannot, cannot imagine. I can only imagine that it must be the worst, most painful, shattering heartbreak. I'm so sorry hun, this must be every mom's worst nightmare. Hang in there. Hug your son a little tighter.

connor mom

Thank you....all of you. This is the best support ever. You ladies understand...when so many other people try, but just can't or don't.

All of your kind words and support and prayers and thoughts....they helped me today after a rough day.  (And Captain Serious...I can't believe you remembered...that was so touching!)

 Thank you for letting me vent and just write and get it all out....it felt better to do so, knowing too that there are fabulous people out there

I will try to keep on being postive in posts on here as best I can after this rough spot

 Thank you all. I appreciate you so much!

Mikal

hoping4more

I remember your heartbreaking story, I am so sorry. Sending hugs and good thoughts your way. 

MayDayGirl

my heart is broken for you.

We could have been in your exact position, our stories sound so similar but in the 11th hour we found out there was a husband who could have been (and most likely was the birth father). We spent 2 weeks dying thinking we might lose her and I thought constantly of you and how much worse it would have been at 6 months.  Had we not found out about him when we did, it could have come out months or years later, and I just feel broken for you.

I am so so so sorry.